"It's Rosh Hashanah, and it's your turn to blow the chauffeur!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nice little ethically-driven pun with a homoerotic element that was actually submitted on the Jewish day of atonement. A perfect storm of bad taste.)
"I know that you're a master debater, but you still have to put in some effort."--Hans Down Wiener (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If he really is a master debater his prep work might involve a Victoria's Secret catalog and some lube. He really should go indoors, though"
"Alright, you stupid jerk, I'll vote for you if you just get off my lawn and move your fucking bus."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very insightful. The woman complaining is symbolic of Libertarians who see the government as intrusive, lethargic and easily bought off. The bus in the drive-way and the guy in the lawn chair represent parasitic do-nothing politicians. Excellent perspective, still, "stupid jerk" is a bit redundant.)
"Still sunning for President?"--SPF 30 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like bloop hits in baseball, obvious puns are not pretty but they still count.)
All I'm getting back from the Craigslist ad are potential running mates either good at foreign policy or bus parking but not both.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Point taken. But try finding someone who loves football, drinks beer--and still looks smokin' hot in a tight shirt and high heels. As Mrs. al in la will tell you, that's not someone who's easy to find--even on Craig's List.)
"The want to know if you promise to restore the second 'i' to "Anti-Capton."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tell them that I have consistently cut the number of letters used without raising the amount of effort required to entertain people who can't even be bothered to make up a fake name that adds entertainment value to their Anti-Caption. UPDATE: We were running a contest to see who would notice that the word was spelled "Capton" in the headline for the past six weeks. Nice catch!)