Monday, September 17, 2012

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #350













WINNERS
FIRST PLACE 
"Well, Gruenby did promise chaise."-- Dex  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Outstanding!  A variation on the Jon Stewart-inspired Anti-Cap classic: "Well, Obama did promise us change." It was meant as one of those catch-all Anti-Caps that can be placed below nearly any image. On the never-ending list of horrible puns used in this contest, flipping "change" with "chaise" [as in chaise lounge--everyone gets that--right?] is painfully brilliant. If you are one of the multitudes who believe elected officials are lazy, complacent and prone to inertial, this is Pulitzer Prize material. (If there was an Anti-Cap category, I mean.) My only regret is that we have no budget for a ceremony or a plaque or something. ) 
SECOND PLACE
"Well, I think you're taking this Let Gruenbey Be Gruenbey thing too far!"--Tim H  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Let Reagan be Reagan" was the battle cry of conservatives who wanted to encourage the 40th president to coddle the comfortable, screw the needy and, if he wanted to, take mid-day naps and bomb Russia. Gruenby's work ethic seems consistent with that of the Gipper's. ) 
THIRD PLACE 
"The bus needs a new slogan ... How about ... "Exact Change'!"--  Dr Sumguy  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  When used as a verb, "exact" means to demand, claim, require, call for, force, impose, command, squeeze, compel, wring, wrest, insist upon or extort. If Barry wins in November, this should be OUR slogan.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Some guy named Goebbels is on the phone."-Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: For those who didn't pay attention in history class (or never saw "Inglorious bastards"), Joseph Goebbels was to Hitler what Karl Rove was to W.  Rumor has it "Goby" [short for "Goebbels"] was actually an "in-house" nickname for Rove. Big difference: while Goebbels' man was a ruthless anti-Semitic psychopath determined to conquer  the world; Rove's guy  was just an arrogant, incompetent, liar who enjoyed mountain biking and was, to be fair, a big supporter of rich Republicans who also happened to be Jewish.
"You're still small. It's the campaign buses that got big."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  This Sunset Blvd.-inspired line may be a statement on how big budgets and bullshit can get incompetent lazy-ass losers elected. Happens all the time.) 
Nice to see you've settled on the Rangel strategy.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was entered, then entered again with a link confirming that Rep. Charles Rangel once fell asleep in a lounge chair while vacationing at a resort. He's an older man with a flabby gut, so photographs of him sleeping are not flattering. That's why it was easy to remember, even without the link.)


"It's Rosh Hashanah, and it's your turn to blow the chauffeur!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  A nice little ethically-driven pun with a homoerotic element that was actually submitted on the Jewish day of atonement. A perfect storm of bad taste.) 

"I know that you're a master debater, but you still have to put in some effort."--Hans Down Wiener (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If he really is a master debater his prep work might involve a Victoria's Secret catalog and some lube. He really should go indoors, though"




"Not for nothing, but your name anagrams as Barer Ugly Newt."--Tim H . (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tim deserves credit for thinking this up.) 

"Alright, you stupid jerk, I'll vote for you if you just get off my lawn and move your fucking bus."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very insightful.  The woman complaining is symbolic of Libertarians who see the government as intrusive, lethargic and easily bought off. The bus in the drive-way and the guy in the lawn chair represent parasitic do-nothing politicians. Excellent perspective, still, "stupid jerk" is a bit redundant.)




"Still sunning for President?"--SPF 30 (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Like bloop hits in baseball, obvious puns are not pretty but they still count.)





All I'm getting back from the Craigslist ad are potential running mates either good at foreign policy or bus parking but not both.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Point taken. But try finding someone who loves football, drinks beer--and still looks smokin' hot in a tight shirt and high heels. As Mrs. al in la will tell you, that's not someone who's easy to find--even on Craig's List.) 





"The want to know if you promise to restore the second 'i' to "Anti-Capton."--Anonymous  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tell them that I have consistently cut the number of letters used  without raising the amount of effort required to entertain people who can't even be bothered to make up a fake name that adds entertainment value to their Anti-Caption. UPDATE:  We were running a contest to see who would notice that  the word was spelled "Capton" in the headline for the past six weeks. Nice catch!) 

85 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Some guy named Goebbels is on the phone."

Damon said...

"Younger voters are talking about you online. What does `last name fail' mean?"

Dex said...

"Well, Gruenby did promise chaise."

JohnnyB said...

No one is going to vote for a man who buys a bus so big it can't be driven under an overpass or through a tunnel.

JohnnyB said...

You're whore girlfriend called. She's pregnant and has herpes. Your campaign is toast. Our marriage is over. Do you want lemon in your iced tea?

Anonymous said...

"You lying son of a bitch."

Grammer said...

you laying some of a bitch

boneguy said...

Paiin called. She would like her self righteousness back. And her bus.

Anonymous said...

"Suspending your campaign to work on the economic crises?"

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"You're still small. It's the campaign buses that got big."

boneguy said...

Nice to see you've settled on the
Rangel strategy.

Anonymous said...

"I'm leaving you for Hal Philip Walker."

Shelly said...

"If you don't finish your to-do list, buddy boy, I'll turn 'stump speech' into a vague reference to your severed dick."

Dr Sumguy said...

"The bus needs a new slogan ... How about ... "Exact Change'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"The bus needs a new label ... What about ... 'More More More don't stop'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'll have to say Walter, for an illegal alien, you certainly have ball's!"

boneguy said...

In the future, I would appreciate you not referring to my giving you a blowjob as a "fully tax deductible campaign contribution."

JohnnyB said...

Get the fuck off my lawn.

boneguy said...

The only poll I've seen has a mop attached to it.

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's Rosh Hashanah, and it's your turn to blow the chauffeur!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"And the good news! ... After the election you can convert back to the food bus ... 'The Greasy Wiener'!"

boneguy said...

Nice to see you've settled on the Rangel strategy.

Tim H said...

"Well, I think you're taking this Let Gruenbey Be Gruenbey thing too far!"

Kathy H said...

"You're in my chair!"

boneguy said...

Look Walter, how long do you think it will take till Hank figures out this thing is a rolling meth lab?

Kathy H said...

"What is this? Some sort of busman's holiday?"

Anonymous said...

"Yes, I realize your opponent has been caught in lie after lie and recently said nearly half the people in the country are a bunch of deadbeat leeches...but you really need to get out there and press the flesh."

Damon said...

"Your opponent has a new campaign slogan: `A chicken in every pot, and a door on every bus'."

Anonymous said...

"Move that piece of shit and fix the garage door. I have to be at Denny's in half hour."

Anonymous said...

"To me, Walt, you will always be just another mother fucker."

Don Jr. said...

"Walter, Walter! Walter! Jose!

Anonymouse said...

"Look, just because you have the Ralph Kramden vote doesn't mean you can just lounge around 'til Election Day."

boneguy said...

At the rate you're going, you'll be leading the Million Pound March.

Tim H said...

"Not for nothing, but your name anagrams as Barer Ugly Newt."

Anonymous said...

"Your constituents called, I have to kick you in the nuts again".

Anonymous said...

"Look, Walter, America is not ready for a paraplegic president."

Satireguy said...

"Walter Gruenby called and he wants his bus back."

Satireguy said...

"Get back on the campaign trail, you lazy fucker."

Anonymous said...

"Where'd the wheels come from—Dunkin Donuts?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Using the 'N Word' over the loudspeaker is not the end of the world Walter! ... There's still Mississippi!"

Dario R. said...

"You've got another thing coming if if you think this dump is going to be our summer White House!"

Dario R. said...

"You've got another thing coming if you think this dump is going to be our summer White House!"

Dario R. said...

"I beg your pardon, there's no one here, the gardener is gone"

boneguy said...

All I'm getting back from the Craigslist ad are potential running mates either good at foreign policy or bus parking but not both.

Anonymous Coward said...

"Walter, napping has never been anyone's key to success."

Steve_O said...

"The RNC's on the line. Do you want to be their Presidential nominee?"

Anonymous said...

"No one said Fascism was this easy".

Steve_O said...

"Mother always said you were a lazy fuck."

Anonymous said...

"I get it. The job you've applied for has two other applicants and one is an idiot."

NJ-to-TX said...

"I've come up with several anagrams for 'Walter Gruenby." Which do we want to use in the campaign?

We Barely Grunt
Enter Brawl Guy
Watery Bungler
Wry Gut Enabler
Newt Rear Bulgy
Nut Barely Grew
Let Gay Brew Run

Anonymous said...

"Facebook would be cheaper."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I just saw the bottom of the 'Pork Barrel'! ... Get back on the bus!"

cta said...

I think you need some other campaign promises besides just 'to lower gas prices'.

Fritz Baxter said...

Walter Gruenby,
Not Born in Kenya on Monday,
Not Christened a Muslim on Tuesday,
Didn't Marry a whitey-hater on Wednesday,
Took office on Thursday,
Everything Grew worse on Friday,
Re-elected on Saturday,
Buried our once-great nation on Sunday.
Way to go, Walter Gruenby, you douche!

Tim H said...

"There's such a thing as being too Independent."

Eric G said...

I'm flattered that you want me to be your "chief of staff" but you can get your own damn beer.

Anonymous said...

"I see you didn’t go with the "Fucking" on your bus slogan".

Anonymous said...

"The want to know if you promise to restore the second 'i' to "Anti-Capton."

Angus Podgorny said...

I'm trying to determine whom you've been transfigured from, or as.

Angus Podgorny said...

Yeah, "we barely grunt" is pretty good, but did you know that "Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan" is an anagram for "my ultimate Ayn Rand porn"?

boneguy said...

I preferred it when your hobby was collecting campaign buttons.

NJ-to-TX said...

"The bad news - they want you to pull out. The good news - you just got endorsements from NAMBLA and Jerry Sandusky."

Anonymous said...

"Your grass roots support needs watering, asshole."

Anus Doggy Porn

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"The only runoff you'll be seeing is from the lawn."

SPF 30 said...

"Still sunning for President?"

The White House or Bus said...

"D'you hear that? They're calling you an 'also-tan'."

Name Withheld said...

"Don't bother turning over. Your ass is done."

Anonymous said...

"The stars are wrong on the bus. The even columns are from the 48 star flag. We'll tell them we want to return to 1950s values."

cta said...

"Congratulations, you've won. This proves that politics really do make the future moron-certain."

cta said...

"You're a politician -- put a spin on it!"

Steve_O said...

"The school called. They want their bus back."

Hans Down Wiener said...

"I know that you're a master debater, but you still have to put in some effort."

Anonymous said...

"Why don't you give it another shot? I'm sorry I said you look like David Axelrod."

Jim Cavanaugh

mel said...

"Your nutsack's hanging out."

Rated PC said...

"When the assassins get here, would you please have them see me? I owe them a 'G'."

Rated PC-13 said...

"Who's the woody for?"

The Now Ex-Mrs. Gruenby said...

"Can You still see the future with your eyes closed and drool running down your cheek?"

boneguy said...

"Let Them Take Cabs" does have a nice ring to it.

Anonymous said...

"Let's go sheeple. The real sheep are back."

Satireguy said...

"Alright, you stupid jerk, I'll vote for you if you just get off my lawn and move your fucking bus."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Walt! Your running a close second behind Missouri Senator Mel Carnahan ... He's also dead!"

Hypocritical Idiot said...

"Walter, Blogspot called. They want you to judge the Anti-cap contest. The last guy was asleep on the job."

Kathy H said...

"I'm voting for Pedro."

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