al in la

Monday, March 24, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #421



"Of course there's not a single black rhino in this cartoon."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Brilliant! Steve_O nailed it like Harry Reems [RIP]. The absence of black people in NYer cartoons is, of course, a perennial sore spot for Anti-Cappers. How good is this entry? It is so good that this cap, and this cap alone, prompted me to get off my ass and render results for this contest and the one preceding it. [Needless to say “get off my ass” is just a metaphor. I am, of course, sitting on my ass while doing this-- go figure.] )

"They remind you of me how?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A fitting reminder that dialog between a man and a woman can be a minefield. You can just hear the nervous response: “ one thing you both like coffee.”)

"I love that this place explores the themes of conformity, culture, mass movements, philosophy and morality, but a goddamn latte shouldn't cost $6.35."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nice little dig at Starbucks. Sometimes I go in, pick up copy of the NY Times,  fold it under my arm,  feign interest in the over-priced menu for a few moments...then casually stroll out. Saves me $2.50)

"Honestly. I can't believe they all missed that the name of this place is The Chinese Rhino Holocaust Cafe and they're all going to be killed for their horns." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well intended but clumsy and tasteless. Why would they be served coffee if they are just going to be slaughtered? And who would be stupid enough to incorporate the word “holocaust” in the name of a cafe? I mean, what's their slogan, “We like coffee, How 'bout jew?” )

Wow. The GOP made good on their threat to purge all the 
RINOs.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We'd have to assume the ousted Republicans gathered at a coffee shoppe to commiserate. Nice to see Anti-Cap stud boneguy is still sticking around.)

"I just can't get enough of Spirit Rhino."
2 minutes later...

"...or is it Spearmint Rhino? Either way."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy H, bless her heart, can't get straight the preposterous name of a line of strip bars. Apparently it does not appear on her resume.)

"It's like "McCarthyism", no I guess it IS McCarthyism, because once you start making lists you will end up with ... Pole Pot, Nazis, NSA or the Rhino list.”--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just a guess, but this may also allude to Republicans who detest non-extremists. Also, I knew that Pole Pot, is NOT a drug reference because I majored in Political Science – an other -wise completely useless major.)

"To Rhine-known self be true. That has to be good enough to win something on the Anti-cap? Right?"--MAX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Would have been much better if it said “bad enough to win” and, really, what do you actually win other than the faint recognition of some guy in L.A. whose interest in this is marginal at best. But thanks to all who entered and have remained devoted Anti-Cappers.)

Sunday, March 16, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #420


"It doesn't matter what the final score is. I decide who wins."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The opposite of funny but highly insightful. In 2000, the Supreme Court effectively handed the presidency of the United States to a candidate who received exactly 543,895  fewer votes than his opponent. And, no, I have not gotten over it.)

I think the McEnroe v. World ruling was overkill for this sport.--gfwrite (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A commentary on the bad-sport former tennis pro John McEnroe. He proved that a major asshole can still be highly successful. Other examples abound. [See First Place comment.])

"Scalia, you crazy bastard! How the heck are you ruling on this one?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice to see someone has not forgotten our cherished classic Anti-Caps. This works because Antonin Scalia is indeed a crazy bastard. Quick reminder: It has long been a pet peeve of mine when Anti-Cappers insert “heck” or “hell” into this one. For the record the original is: “Fusilli you crazy bastard. How are you?")


This comment has been removed by the author.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It would appear that legendary Anti-Capper Johnny B was ready to stage a comeback, but decided “Why bother?” Nice to see your name the line up even if it was scratched, J.B. )

Nice striptease, JohnnyB.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cute. But this does not work because the subject matter in question is not a comic strip. So this is an appropriate tribute that hinges on an inappropriate pun. [See what your missing Johnny?] )

"The hours here are supreme."--al in la (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes, I was the one who entered this. I figured it was a low impact way of demonstrating my interest.)

"Arthur Dexter Bradley’s still in the game, but it ain't him to blame. He's only a pawn. Everybody said they'd stand behind him when the game got rough. Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land where justice is a game."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A mangled nod to Bob that borrows from three songs. [Do you really need me to name them?] The effort is appreciated, such as it is. My favorite Dylan quote may be this: “Behind every beautiful thing, there's been some kind of pain.”)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #419


"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may have been slightly funnier if it simply said, “Are you the one who wanted a larger  prick?” It's still the best of the bunch. A women I once knew who was perpetually going on first dates told me: “To find a rose you have to get stuck with a lot of pricks.” This reminded me of that. Nice one Doc.)
You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because everything is big at Costco. Get it? Thanks for being you, boneguy.)
"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical, mean-spirited and, yes, a cautionary tale. Hoffman's death was tragic and horrifying – but mostly infuriating. RIP you dumb-ass genius.)
You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.--Levon Delight (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again we are reminded that “little prick” has multiple meanings. Reminds us that it's better to finger your prick than to prick your finger.)
"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."

(Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get the throwing up part and the quote is inaccurate, but am deeply touched by this one. Even though I have not judged the contest in a while, someone threw a Dylan entry again the wall. The 1981 album “Shot of Love” is the last of Dylan's trilogy of Christian albums. The title track includes these puzzling lyrics:

Why would I want to take your life?
You've only murdered my father, raped his wife
Tattooed my babies with a poison pen
Mocked my God, humiliated my friends)

Sunday, March 2, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #418



Satireguy said... "At least we didn't get the matching loveseat." - I hope you got this one into the actual contest!--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: NJ-to-TX could have clicked on over to the real contest and entered this cap – but that's not the way Anti-Cappers roll. Too much effort. This wins strictly based on the peer support which is far more impressive than the cartoon or, for that matter, the caption. )

"Scoot over, you're sitting on its butthole."--reid savid (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When you think about it, he's also sitting on his own “butthole” – so there is a philosophical element here. )

"An orange penis! ... Really! ... Gimme those 'Cheetos'!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This cartoon sucks and Cheetos do turn your hands orange, so... This would have won but it has nothing to do with the image. But it's funny, which is all we really care about—right? Well played Doc! Frankly.)

"I don't even scroll back to Older Posts anymore. They're just a bunch of incongruous drawings like this one with nothing to say."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Noted. This is cynical, bitter kind of bitchy, so... Also, when you win, venting is allowed.)

"If you don't get off the couch and start judging them again it's going to bite you in the ass."

Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jim foolishly believes that sitting on my ass and judging the contest are somehow mutually exclusive.)

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al in la

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.