al in la

Monday, November 10, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #451












WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Other than I wish I were taller, my place is a sty and my wife has a slot, no complaints."--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A skillful blend of Seinfeld humor with a ridiculously tacky, yet irrefutably logical pun. The episode in question centered on a cartoon that had a pig complaining to a retail clerk. It has enduring appeal to anti-cappers. Shelly, I was just thinking, would be a good name a cartoon crustacean. )
SECOND PLACE
"It's the only Jewproof way I can think of to protect my coin."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nothing like a good old fashion jew joke to get everyone laughing. You see, they have an insatiable appetite for money, but they are repulsed by pork. This stuff writes itself!  We are also reminded that that pigs are antisemitic AND security conscious. Noted.)
THIRD PLACE
Some animals are more equal than others.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This seems to fit. Can't even really say why.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"What he need's a damn good whacking."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Such is the enduring power of the Fab Four. Best line: “Everywhere there's lots of piggies Living piggy lives.)
"The oinkers here are extreme."

--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reach...but like a pig trying to roller skate or republicans trying get black and Latinos to vote for them, the effort is entertaining even if the result is predictable.)
You know what our tails look like? Fusili, you crazy bastard!--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much better. Here we see the successful extension of a classic cap...a new twist, one might even say.)
"I would call us Click and Clack, but that would just set Al off again."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nothing much sets me off these days but captions I don't get gnaw at me.)

Right, Dex. al doesn't know tappet from topiary...Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Entered exactly 47 minutes AFTER the previous cap. My reply remains a blank stare and eagerness to push on.)

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #450







WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"It was the black guy's idea"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There may or may not be a black guy swayin' to the rhythm, but this works because blame-the-black-guy is a well established strategy. )

SECOND PLACE
"I move we approve the minuets."--Greenie Stik-M-Caps (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One of the best puns ever seen in this contest which, we can all agree, is like being the tallest midget or the least smelly dung heap.)

THIRD PLACE
"Well, Obama promised cha-cha-cha-change."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Barry don't dance. Barry don't have to dance. Six years later this still engenders contempt among many Americans.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"All the guys are pretending to be Deney Terrio and all the girls are pretending to be Motion."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Leave it to Kathy Link-a-lot to drum up an obscure reference that creates an awkward silence followed by a polite chuckle. That IS what you were shooting for—right? )

"Hey Al, if the anti cap is such a drag, how about a quick comment on my boogaloo?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The amateurish gyrations of your profoundly unappealing derrière recall the gruesome spectacle of two frightened piglets frantically scurrying to escape a cauldron of boiling water. If there is one redeeming factor to be salvaged from this grotesque display, it is that there were, thankfully, no black people around to see it.)

"It's always cause for celebration when al judges a contest."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Celebrate the joy you bring to complete strangers who give not one shit about you, my anonymous friend.)

RIP, Tom Magliozzi, who's laugh brought the world to it's rightful humorous knees.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So it's Saturday morning and I'm trying to tune in a station on the kitchen radio. I have don't have much time because I got stuff on the burner. Every thing is static but I finally get NPR. Fine, I'm thinking, I can always listen to NPR. But then as I move toward the stove and resume cooking I realize what I'm listening to is “Car Talk.” This annoyed me. I actually took a second to wonder who the fuck would listen to a radio show discussing car repairs and why the fuck does NPR insist on airing this crap. It was probably the only time I ever gave “Car Talk” more than five seconds worth or thought. I mention this because, out of curiosity, I Googled “Tom Magliozzi.” Turns out he was one of those “Car Talk” geeks. He died. Kind of a spooky, is all I'm saying.)


Monday, October 27, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #449

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
Whose idea was it to throw a Gary Gilmore themed party?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Gilmore, of course, was dispatched by fireing squad which, we all know, requires a wall. Somehow we're to believe this would be the basis for a party. Bottom-line: this is really stupid, just horrible, but obscure, imaginative and morbid. So...)
SECOND PLACE
Like the Doors said "You cannot partition the Lord with prayer."
And Dylan said "Everybody must get bricks." or something like that.--gfwrite (JUDGE'S COMMENT: These's a lot going on here. The partition part has merit as a smart pun, but why would he be doing it while citing a quote that says you can't?  And in this one instance the Dylan reference brings nothing to the party.)
THIRD PLACE
"Hey, Hon, hows about we play a little Krazy Kat and Ignatz?"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: KK was a love struck feline routinely conked on the head with brinks hurled my a mouse. It seemed stupid to me even when I was 5. And this is very politically incorrect Kathy. Shame on you.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
You know the three little pigs is an allegory, right?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT : I always thought it was a cautionary tale and a nod to sensible building codes.)

I think there's mortar this than meets the eye--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT : There really isn't, but I feel duty bound to say “Yeah...okay.”)
"The trowelers here are obscene."
--
Jim Cavalryman (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice. Very nice.) 

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.