al in la
Monday, March 24, 2014
"Of course there's not a single black rhino in this cartoon."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Brilliant! Steve_O nailed it like Harry Reems [RIP]. The absence of black people in NYer cartoons is, of course, a perennial sore spot for Anti-Cappers. How good is this entry? It is so good that this cap, and this cap alone, prompted me to get off my ass and render results for this contest and the one preceding it. [Needless to say “get off my ass” is just a metaphor. I am, of course, sitting on my ass while doing this-- go figure.] )
"They remind you of me how?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A fitting reminder that dialog between a man and a woman can be a minefield. You can just hear the nervous response: “Well...um...for one thing you both like coffee.”)
"I love that this place explores the themes of conformity, culture, mass movements, philosophy and morality, but a goddamn latte shouldn't cost $6.35."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nice little dig at Starbucks. Sometimes I go in, pick up copy of the NY Times, fold it under my arm, feign interest in the over-priced menu for a few moments...then casually stroll out. Saves me $2.50)
"Honestly. I can't believe they all missed that the name of this place is The Chinese Rhino Holocaust Cafe and they're all going to be killed for their horns." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well intended but clumsy and tasteless. Why would they be served coffee if they are just going to be slaughtered? And who would be stupid enough to incorporate the word “holocaust” in the name of a cafe? I mean, what's their slogan, “We like coffee, How 'bout jew?” )
Wow. The GOP made good on their threat to purge all the RINOs.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We'd have to assume the ousted Republicans gathered at a coffee shoppe to commiserate. Nice to see Anti-Cap stud boneguy is still sticking around.)
"I just can't get enough of Spirit Rhino."
2 minutes later...
"...or is it Spearmint Rhino? Either way."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy H, bless her heart, can't get straight the preposterous name of a line of strip bars. Apparently it does not appear on her resume.)
"It's like "McCarthyism", no I guess it IS McCarthyism, because once you start making lists you will end up with ... Pole Pot, Nazis, NSA or the Rhino list.”--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just a guess, but this may also allude to Republicans who detest non-extremists. Also, I knew that Pole Pot, is NOT a drug reference because I majored in Political Science – an other -wise completely useless major.)
"To Rhine-known self be true. That has to be good enough to win something on the Anti-cap? Right?"--MAX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Would have been much better if it said “bad enough to win” and, really, what do you actually win other than the faint recognition of some guy in L.A. whose interest in this is marginal at best. But thanks to all who entered and have remained devoted Anti-Cappers.)
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may have been slightly funnier if it simply said, “Are you the one who wanted a larger prick?” It's still the best of the bunch. A women I once knew who was perpetually going on first dates told me: “To find a rose you have to get stuck with a lot of pricks.” This reminded me of that. Nice one Doc.)
You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because everything is big at Costco. Get it? Thanks for being you, boneguy.)
"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical, mean-spirited and, yes, a cautionary tale. Hoffman's death was tragic and horrifying – but mostly infuriating. RIP you dumb-ass genius.)
You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.--Levon Delight (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again we are reminded that “little prick” has multiple meanings. Reminds us that it's better to finger your prick than to prick your finger.)
"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love." (Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get the throwing up part and the quote is inaccurate, but am deeply touched by this one. Even though I have not judged the contest in a while, someone threw a Dylan entry again the wall. The 1981 album “Shot of Love” is the last of Dylan's trilogy of Christian albums. The title track includes these puzzling lyrics:
Why would I want to take your life?
You've only murdered my father, raped his wife
Tattooed my babies with a poison penMocked my God, humiliated my friends)