WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"How many ears must one man have?" --Angus Podcorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic Dylan quote pressed into service with a bad pun and a hint of social commentary. It is also short. My idea of Anti-Cap perfection.)
SECOND PLACE"I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."--Tad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another bad pun--but no social commentary and no Dylan. That's why it's an also-ran.)
THIRD PLACE"Shuck them. Shuck 'em all." --Lawrence Wood (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I agree. This week I agree.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With or with out the "ucopia" part, I knew the answer was not "Los Angeles.")
Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls. --Dog Whisperer (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Notice how unmoved the dog is.)
After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.--- Hominy Hominy Hominy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It is only truly brilliant if you add bananas and move to Battle Creek, Michigan.)
"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!" --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This same-face-and-glasses couple appears in ever cartoon by this artist, The question is: why?)
"I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Gross! But at least Damon went with poo instead of some other crappy word.)
"Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it." --Septien (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If it is out of the picture it is not of interest to us.)
"The ears here are obscene!"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They may be phallic, but they are only obscene if used that way.)
Farm subsidy, you crazy bastard! How are you gonna beat this shit?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I think "poo" may have worked better.)
"`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This shows that even couples that look alike have communication issues.)
“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.” ---Bobby Z (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Now there's a wall between them, something has been lost.)
There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead. --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We can assume then that this was Victoria's Secret--a brand that Dylan once made a commercial for, by the way.)
Remember when this contest had balls?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good times. Good times.)
“You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One day I will have that power. That day is not today.)
FIRST PLACE"How many ears must one man have?" --Angus Podcorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic Dylan quote pressed into service with a bad pun and a hint of social commentary. It is also short. My idea of Anti-Cap perfection.)
SECOND PLACE"I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."--Tad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another bad pun--but no social commentary and no Dylan. That's why it's an also-ran.)
THIRD PLACE"Shuck them. Shuck 'em all." --Lawrence Wood (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I agree. This week I agree.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With or with out the "ucopia" part, I knew the answer was not "Los Angeles.")
Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls. --Dog Whisperer (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Notice how unmoved the dog is.)
After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.--- Hominy Hominy Hominy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It is only truly brilliant if you add bananas and move to Battle Creek, Michigan.)
"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!" --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This same-face-and-glasses couple appears in ever cartoon by this artist, The question is: why?)
"I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Gross! But at least Damon went with poo instead of some other crappy word.)
"Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it." --Septien (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If it is out of the picture it is not of interest to us.)
"The ears here are obscene!"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They may be phallic, but they are only obscene if used that way.)
Farm subsidy, you crazy bastard! How are you gonna beat this shit?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I think "poo" may have worked better.)
"`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This shows that even couples that look alike have communication issues.)
“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.” ---Bobby Z (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Now there's a wall between them, something has been lost.)
There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead. --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We can assume then that this was Victoria's Secret--a brand that Dylan once made a commercial for, by the way.)
Remember when this contest had balls?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good times. Good times.)
“You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One day I will have that power. That day is not today.)
95 comments:
"Where's the elephant? I gotta check how high this corn is."
"Y'know that Roomba®? Not so good."
"The ears here are obscene!"
I love the concept of urban farming but it's a bitch finding the remote.
"I said: 'That Ty Cobb was one helluva ballplayer.'"
"I have a bad feeling about this fertility treatment, like the kids are going to come out all creepy and fucked up."
"`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls."
"If you suck it, I will come."
"How many ears must one man have?"
Until we reform our immigration policy, this shit is just going to sit here, unpicked.
"Hey Hon, this corn maze leads right to my balls."
"I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."
Two children of the corn live out their senior years in a Manhattan co-op.
"I know they lied about the corns, but now they have a sale on calluses."
Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls.
"You may call it corn, but I call it maize."
"You know, honey, I'm thinking crop rotation may address some of our sexual incompatibilities.”
---blw
"I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."
"Apparently, we need to quit feeding the dog corn. (because everywhere he shits, it grows corn.)
The childless of the corn.
Great choice. Arugula was so last year.
"Dear, Sears has pants - size Husky - on sale. Speaking of husky, why do we have pug?"
"Hmm, baby, the moment is right. Bring your corn hole over to daddy."
"O.K. Now, this time I'll play Cary Grant and you'll play the crop duster pilot."
“You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”
---blw
“I’m all about this ‘back to earth’ craze, honey, but don’t you think we should first move out of Manhattan?”
---blw
“I got it all for a steal from Terry Collins over at Citi Field. Seems the Mets never even used the outfield this season except to grow disbelief, disillusionment and some corn.”
---left coast wayne
"And again, we are left to wonder why Victoria Roberts has a thing for pugs, and her women look like the men, only in drag. Corn?"
So. Your "Genie in a Bottle" wish was to meet Dr Kornfeld?
"Is that Cary Grant cowering in the corner?"
You're in my chair
While we're on the subject, the, um, bearded barley is getting a bit thick.
"Take off your clothes, honey, I'm Fri to lay."
Any problem with the crop duster using your landing strip?
"We are a net exporter of ethanol. The company name is OPECKER, after the famous Irish Mohel!"
"We are a net exporter of ethanol. The company name is OPECKER, after the famous Irish Mohel!"
"Please stop calling me Kernel, dear."
"Edgar, why must we keep displaying that picture of the twister that took the farm in '07?"
"Honey, didn't Willie Maize once play for The Amaizin' Mets?"
There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead.
"You'll get that blowjob when he corn is as high as an elephant's eye!" so stop your sulking Harry!!
"A-MAIZING but true!" ok I finally said it and I'm glad-
"You know I prefer flour tortillas."
"I hate those magpies."
As the uber-busy CEO of ConAgra Foods, Gary Rodkin never noticed he was being bugged at home by a cockroach on stalk no. 1.
"Reaper? I barely knew her!"
"What's a 6 letter word for 'couple that grows corn in their apartment'? Start with ID and ends in OTS."
"I'm bald, but I've always wanted corn rows."
Jim Cavanaugh
Granted the CC&Rs for this co -op are a bit odd. At least they don't let in Jews.
"You always were good with a crop."
"..." (Clearly there's no one talking.)
"Did you know the previous occupant-Cornel Wilde?"
Herbert sat transfixed deeply pondering the design for his newest crop circle.
A typical evening in the Niblet's household.
Honey, why is the scarecrow on the couch? Oh, it's you.
"Your friend, Mark, called."
"What'd he say?"
"Lend him your ears."
Have you ever wondered where the Lilliputians keep getting these magic beans?
"Well, yes, I did say I was in the oil businesss. I just didn't tell you that it was corn oil."
Damn, I thought they pay you to not grow corn.
Somewhere, Orville Redenbacher prepares to awaken from his best dream ever and, yes, his tummy will be covered with his own special butter.
I sold all our Apple stock and put the money into corn futures.
"Cornelia, your legs look amaizeing in those stalkings."
"Aw, shucks."
After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.
Earl Cobb decided to turn his home into a corn euthanol energy processing plant.
Being there were only two vehicle prototypes world-wide designed to run on corn fuel, Mrs. Cobb felt he was putting the cart before the horse.
Funny, she didn't say that when he slept with her on the first date.
The previous evening, Morty had cut off an ear, wrapped it in newsprint and handed it to a prostitute who said, "I don't get it."
The Duffeldorfs were experts in hiding their pot plants.
"Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, Jimmy passed gas and I do care!"
"Hey, who's up for some Cornish hens?"
"I'm not wearing tassels ever again, so don't even think about it."
"Honey, have you seen my Korn CD?"
"Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia."
Your Victory Garden Counts More Than Ever!
Your Victoria Garden Counts More Than Ever!
"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. I'm a farmer, not a banker!"
"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!"
"I remember reading somewhere that nutty salmon with grilled corn on the corn and vegetables make a great dinner."
When a body meets a body, coming through the rye.
Cornel had no idea his wife was cheating on him with the Jolly Green Giant, despite the fact that his seed was everywhere.
"God, I love the Woodstock album. Are you going to put on side 2, or should I?"
"And I say without a pitchfork, our attempt at 'American Gothic' fails miserably."
---left coast wayne
"Remember, Emily, the walls, floors and long leafy plants have ears."
"In lieu of tenants, we've got kernels."
Remember when this contest had balls?
"You'll never guess what I found in my stool this morning."
"Well, I see your sneaky little paramour, Johnny Cornseed, continues his reckless reproductive shenanigans whenever I'm out of the apartment."
---blw
“’Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of . . . ‘ oh, shit, it’s supposed to be grain.”
---left coast wayne
“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.”
---Bobby Z
Victoria's secret is revealed: she likes to draw corn.
"According to the paper, we both died in a fire last Monday and had to be identified by dental records. What do you want for dinner?"
"I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description of hard-core cornography . . . But I know it when I see it."
---Potter Stewart
"You know what would be even more absurd than corn in your living room? Alligators on the subway! How crazy is that!"
"Sorry, Nigel, but it seems the corporate-owned media are still refusing to report on Occupy Living Room."
"Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it."
"We're still here? I feel like we're trapped in a corn maze!"
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