Sunday, October 9, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #306





WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"How many ears must one man have?" --Angus Podcorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic Dylan quote pressed into service with a bad pun and a hint of social commentary. It is also short. My idea of Anti-Cap perfection.)


SECOND PLACE"I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."--Tad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another bad pun--but no social commentary and no Dylan. That's why it's an also-ran.)


THIRD PLACE"Shuck them. Shuck 'em all." --Lawrence Wood (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I agree. This week I agree.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With or with out the "ucopia" part, I knew the answer was not "Los Angeles.")



Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls. --Dog Whisperer (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Notice how unmoved the dog is.)


After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.--- Hominy Hominy Hominy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It is only truly brilliant if you add bananas and move to Battle Creek, Michigan.)


"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!" --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This same-face-and-glasses couple appears in ever cartoon by this artist, The question is: why?)


"I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Gross! But at least Damon went with poo instead of some other crappy word.)


"Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it." --Septien (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If it is out of the picture it is not of interest to us.)
"The ears here are obscene!"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They may be phallic, but they are only obscene if used that way.)
Farm subsidy, you crazy bastard! How are you gonna beat this shit?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I think "poo" may have worked better.)
"`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This shows that even couples that look alike have communication issues.)
“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.” ---Bobby Z (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Now there's a wall between them, something has been lost.)
There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead. --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We can assume then that this was Victoria's Secret--a brand that Dylan once made a commercial for, by the way.)
Remember when this contest had balls?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good times. Good times.)
“You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One day I will have that power. That day is not today.)

102 comments:

Anonymouse said...

"Where's the elephant? I gotta check how high this corn is."

Kathy H said...

"Y'know that Roomba®? Not so good."

Tim H said...

"The ears here are obscene!"

boneguy said...

I love the concept of urban farming but it's a bitch finding the remote.

Anonymouse said...

"I said: 'That Ty Cobb was one helluva ballplayer.'"

David Macharelli said...

"I have a bad feeling about this fertility treatment, like the kids are going to come out all creepy and fucked up."

Glenn said...

"Hon, I think one of the wetbacks died over by the bathroom door."

Damon said...

"`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls."

Angus Podgorny said...

"If you suck it, I will come."

Angus Podcorny said...

"How many ears must one man have?"

boneguy said...

Until we reform our immigration policy, this shit is just going to sit here, unpicked.

William said...

"Hey Hon, this corn maze leads right to my balls."

Tad said...

"I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."

Satireguy said...

Two children of the corn live out their senior years in a Manhattan co-op.

Glenn said...

"I know they lied about the corns, but now they have a sale on calluses."

Lawrence Wood said...

"Shuck them. Shuck 'em all."

Dog Whisperer said...

Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls.

Kathy H said...

"You may call it corn, but I call it maize."

Dr Sumguy said...

"If you suck it, I will come. Perfect A P. You took the words right out of my mouth."

Anonymous said...

"You know, honey, I'm thinking crop rotation may address some of our sexual incompatibilities.”


---blw

Damon said...

"I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."

Norm McDonald said...

"Apparently, we need to quit feeding the dog corn. (because everywhere he shits, it grows corn.)

Utellme said...

The childless of the corn.

boneguy said...

Great choice. Arugula was so last year.

Anonymous said...

"Dear, Sears has pants - size Husky - on sale. Speaking of husky, why do we have pug?"

Glenn said...

"Hmm, baby, the moment is right. Bring your corn hole over to daddy."

Tim H said...

"O.K. Now, this time I'll play Cary Grant and you'll play the crop duster pilot."

Anonymous said...

“You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”

---blw

Anonymous said...

“I’m all about this ‘back to earth’ craze, honey, but don’t you think we should first move out of Manhattan?”

---blw

Anonymous said...

“I got it all for a steal from Terry Collins over at Citi Field. Seems the Mets never even used the outfield this season except to grow disbelief, disillusionment and some corn.”


---left coast wayne

G. Nome said...

"Oh fuck, our new next-door neighbor works for Monsanto."

Anonymous said...

"And again, we are left to wonder why Victoria Roberts has a thing for pugs, and her women look like the men, only in drag. Corn?"

Anonymous said...

Farm subsidy, you crazy bastard! How are you gonna beat this shit?

Jim Cavanaugh

Dr Sumguy said...

So. Your "Genie in a Bottle" wish was to meet Dr Kornfeld?

Dr Sumguy said...

"Is that Cary Grant cowering in the corner?"

Eric G said...

You're in my chair

Eric G said...

While we're on the subject, the, um, bearded barley is getting a bit thick.

Horny Chip said...

"Take off your clothes, honey, I'm Fri to lay."

boneguy said...

Any problem with the crop duster using your landing strip?

Dr Sumguy said...

"We are a net exporter of ethanol. The company name is OPECKER, after the famous Irish Mohel!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"We are a net exporter of ethanol. The company name is OPECKER, after the famous Irish Mohel!"

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Please stop calling me Kernel, dear."

Shelly said...

"Edgar, why must we keep displaying that picture of the twister that took the farm in '07?"

Anonymouse said...

"Honey, didn't Willie Maize once play for The Amaizin' Mets?"

Damon said...

There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead.

BLONDE said...

"You'll get that blowjob when he corn is as high as an elephant's eye!" so stop your sulking Harry!!

Blonde said...

"A-MAIZING but true!" ok I finally said it and I'm glad-

Juan said...

"You know I prefer flour tortillas."

David Macharelli said...

"I hate those magpies."

Suzanna L. said...

As the uber-busy CEO of ConAgra Foods, Gary Rodkin never noticed he was being bugged at home by a cockroach on stalk no. 1.

Dex said...

"Reaper? I barely knew her!"

Glenn said...

"What's a 6 letter word for 'couple that grows corn in their apartment'? Start with ID and ends in OTS."

Anonymous said...

"I'm bald, but I've always wanted corn rows."

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

Granted the CC&Rs for this co -op are a bit odd. At least they don't let in Jews.

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"You always were good with a crop."

Steve_O said...

"..." (Clearly there's no one talking.)

Dr Sumguy said...

"Did you know the previous occupant-Cornel Wilde?"

Blonde said...

Herbert sat transfixed deeply pondering the design for his newest crop circle.

Blonde said...

A typical evening in the Niblet's household.

Utellme said...

Honey, why is the scarecrow on the couch? Oh, it's you.

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Utellme said...

"Your friend, Mark, called."
"What'd he say?"
"Lend him your ears."

Utellme said...

"Let's sublet the apartment to Negroes. They'd be shucking and jiving, but at least this stuff would get harvested."

Austin said...

Have you ever wondered where the Lilliputians keep getting these magic beans?

Tim H said...

"Well, yes, I did say I was in the oil businesss. I just didn't tell you that it was corn oil."

Dex said...

Damn, I thought they pay you to not grow corn.

Rich Latherstein said...

Somewhere, Orville Redenbacher prepares to awaken from his best dream ever and, yes, his tummy will be covered with his own special butter.

boneguy said...

I sold all our Apple stock and put the money into corn futures.

Steve_O said...

"Your housekeeping is for shit."

Slob on My Cob said...

"Cornelia, your legs look amaizeing in those stalkings."

"Aw, shucks."

Hominy Hominy Hominy said...

After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.

This Corntoon Shucks said...

Earl Cobb decided to turn his home into a corn euthanol energy processing plant.

Being there were only two vehicle prototypes world-wide designed to run on corn fuel, Mrs. Cobb felt he was putting the cart before the horse.

Funny, she didn't say that when he slept with her on the first date.

Utellme said...

The previous evening, Morty had cut off an ear, wrapped it in newsprint and handed it to a prostitute who said, "I don't get it."

Anonymous said...

The Duffeldorfs were experts in hiding their pot plants.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, Jimmy passed gas and I do care!"

Kathy H said...

"Hey, who's up for some Cornish hens?"

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"I'm not wearing tassels ever again, so don't even think about it."

Anonymouse said...

"Honey, have you seen my Korn CD?"

Tim H said...

"Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia."

cta said...

Your Victory Garden Counts More Than Ever!

cta said...

Your Victoria Garden Counts More Than Ever!

Steve_O said...

"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. I'm a farmer, not a banker!"

Steve_O said...

"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!"

Kathy H said...

"I remember reading somewhere that nutty salmon with grilled corn on the corn and vegetables make a great dinner."

holden_c said...

When a body meets a body, coming through the rye.

Ho, Ho, Ho said...

Cornel had no idea his wife was cheating on him with the Jolly Green Giant, despite the fact that his seed was everywhere.

Gary P said...

"God, I love the Woodstock album. Are you going to put on side 2, or should I?"

Anonymous said...

"And I say without a pitchfork, our attempt at 'American Gothic' fails miserably."


---left coast wayne

Satireguy said...

"Remember, Emily, the walls, floors and long leafy plants have ears."

Angus Podgorny said...

"In lieu of tenants, we've got kernels."

Anonymous said...

Remember when this contest had balls?

smuck said...

"You'll never guess what I found in my stool this morning."

Anonymous said...

"Well, I see your sneaky little paramour, Johnny Cornseed, continues his reckless reproductive shenanigans whenever I'm out of the apartment."


---blw

Anonymous said...

“’Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of . . . ‘ oh, shit, it’s supposed to be grain.”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.”


---Bobby Z

Satireguy said...

Victoria's secret is revealed: she likes to draw corn.

Gary P said...

"According to the paper, we both died in a fire last Monday and had to be identified by dental records. What do you want for dinner?"

Anonymous said...

"I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description of hard-core cornography . . . But I know it when I see it."


---Potter Stewart

Steve_O said...

"You know what would be even more absurd than corn in your living room? Alligators on the subway! How crazy is that!"

Richard H said...

"Sorry, Nigel, but it seems the corporate-owned media are still refusing to report on Occupy Living Room."

Septien said...

"Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it."

Anonymous said...

"We're still here? I feel like we're trapped in a corn maze!"

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.