"BALL FOUR ... Higher than a T-shirt at Mardi Gras!"
"I served with Timmy. I knew Timmy. Timmy was a friend of mine. Johnny, you're no Timmy."
"If I'm elected, no couple with 4 balls will be allowed to get to go all the way around the bases."
"Yes, Max. We have established that you pitch and Bradley catches. Now we can get on with the ceremony?"
"I see a pitch that's right of center but on the black despite an overwhelming white majority."
"It's a strike because that's what America needs it to be."
"Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota..."
"No Mr. Bonds, we expected you to lie ."Jim Cavanaugh
"Well, Obama promised changeup."
"$25 million a year ain't shit. You guys ever hear about Citizens United? "Jim Cavanaugh
"Fuck Ques Tec."Jim Cavanaugh
"Climate change? Not sure. Ball? Strike? Who knows? I'm not a scientist any more than I'm an umpire. Yet here I am."
Sorry about my uniform, Jimmy, but I have to rush back to Congress to impeach Obama.
"Petrocelli, you crazy bastard, how the hell are you?"
"Yeah, but didn't you just yell to the equipment manager, 'I want my mitt.'?"
"My name is Johnny Jones, and I approve this intentional walk."
"If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true."
I might have been caught with an underage page, but you were caught looking.
Sorry, I'm busy. I'm going to judge only every fifth or sixth pitch.
"That last one was more of a hurl ... Bring me an emesis basin!"
"C'mon, if you're a Cardinal batter facing an Astros pitcher, at least take a hack at it."
"No balls, al."
That was clearly a strike. If you disagree, blame Obama.
"As to your question as to whether it was a ball or a strike, I don't agree that those are mutually exclusive. I believe that we can honor both teams in our determination. Both have equal merit, as the pitch was at the very edge of the strike zone. I certainly would not discount the hardworking people in the field and the pitcher who have striven so hard to produce what they believe to be a strike, nor would I not listen to those in the dugout and the batter, who has made his determination that the ball ever so slightly outside of his strike zone."
"This is a question for South Carolina. And the last thing they need is people from outside of the state coming in and dictating how they should resolve it."
The monster here is green.
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