Monday, February 9, 2015

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #463






















NOTE:  Someone took it upon them self to spew forth winners for this contest. This is both humbling and welcome, like someone stealing a car you never drive. To be candid, I am unmoved by the commentary. It's a little self serving and pedestrian. But whatever. Also, PLEASE note that I did not submit the anti-cap selected as the honorable mention. I do occasionally submit caps but never under my actual fake name. Who knows? Maybe this will inspire me to crank out results in a more timely manner. This would ensure that Dylan-related caps get their due and JohnnyB is put in his place. I have been pre-occuied with important matters. Very hush-hush. Remember, I post these bastardized results...because I can. Don't judge me for not judging you. --al in la     

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"So ... Giddy Up ... Seabiscuit!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I once knew the niece of Laura Hillenbrand, the author of Seabiscuit. We were members of an awkward love tetrahedron that was never resolved. At the time I had not read the book, so I thought it was about the culinary techniques of pirates for many years. That's probably why she never liked me.)

SECOND PLACE
"Why the long face? Oh, that's right. We're stranded on this island. And, you're a horse."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The first time I heard the classic bar joke Kathy is referencing, I was in a Cessna 172 flying over the Rocky Mountains. It was my first time in a non-commercial plane, and the pilot thought it would be hilarious if he let go of the controls. As I screamed while trying to avoid crashing into mountains with the co-pilot controls, the pilot laughed and told me bad bar jokes.)

THIRD PLACE
"May as well start fucking each other"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As usual, Anonymous says what we're all thinking. From personal experience I can tell you this line doesn't work with most women unless you're trapped on a ski lift for four hours in a blizzard. Not a bad way to get laid.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I'm sick of your horrible puns and your dirty jokes. Keep spamming my blog with your pathetic comments while I refuse to judge you, scumbags."--al in la (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That's what I'm here for, Al. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.)

38 comments:

Jess said...

"Wow…You really DID have to piss like a race horse!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Now, now, horse with no name, there ain't no one for to give you no pain."

Dex said...

"I would name you Norman, but Norman is an island."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"Next time I'm bringing my whores."

Tim H said...

"Can I interest you in a game of H-O-R-S-E?"

Kathy H said...

"Geez, and just when I scored tickets to see Equus."

boneguy said...

I promise to eat just one of your legs at a time.

Anonymouse said...

"Sorry, Fella, I believe oats is off the menu, today."

Dr Sumguy said...

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it think!

Kathy H said...

"I believe we're in the horse latitudes."

Dr Sumguy said...

"So ... Giddy Up ... Seabiscuit!"

Anonymouse said...

"I got an idea for a sitcom. I call it Fronds."

Tim H said...

"When we get to Saratoga Springs, don't forget to take in the waters."

JohnnyB said...

Barges? We ain’t got no barges! We don’t need no barges! Well, maybe one barge would be good.

JohnnyB said...

How am I supposed to get any riding done?

Anonymouse said...

"If I call you Mr. Ed, then will you talk to me?"

Kathy H said...

"Why the long face? Oh, that's right. We're stranded on this island. And, you're a horse."

Anonymous said...

"May as well start fucking each other"

Anonymous said...

"Woaaah, Buttermilk. This sure as shit ain't Palm Springs."

Anonymous said...

"Then it's agreed. You eat the tree, and I eat you."

NJ-to-TX said...

So you just couldn't stop at that island with the dominatrix and clown now, could you."

Shelly said...

"We'll just tie up here for a spell til this ol' global warmin' thing passes through."

boneguy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jabba said...

"Wanna round up some dolphins?"

SalmonOfDoubt said...

"Let's check the other side of the island again."

Anonymous said...

That's the last time I house swap with a pirate.

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's only powdered water ... Giddy Up!"

Anonymous said...

I should have brought a seahorse.

Let's go wrangle some cowfish.

boneguy said...

I definitely prefer the leeward side.

Kathy H said...

"Who the hell thought that when they sang, '...and the rest.' they meant you and me?!"

The Judge said...

The Anti-Anti-New Yorker Caption Contest

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"So ... Giddy Up ... Seabiscuit!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I once knew the niece of Laura Hillenbrand, the author of Seabiscuit. We were members of an awkward love tetrahedron that was never resolved. At the time I had not read the book, so I thought it was about the culinary techniques of pirates for many years. That's probably why she never liked me.)

SECOND PLACE
"Why the long face? Oh, that's right. We're stranded on this island. And, you're a horse."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The first time I heard the classic bar joke Kathy is referencing, I was in a Cessna 172 flying over the Rocky Mountains. It was my first time in a non-commercial plane, and the pilot thought it would be hilarious if he let go of the controls. As I screamed while trying to avoid crashing into mountains with the co-pilot controls, the pilot laughed and told me bad bar jokes.)

THIRD PLACE
"May as well start fucking each other"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As usual, Anonymous says what we're all thinking. From personal experience I can tell you this line doesn't work with most women unless you're trapped on a ski lift for four hours in a blizzard. Not a bad way to get laid.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I'm sick of your horrible puns and your dirty jokes. Keep spamming my blog with your pathetic comments while I refuse to judge you, scumbags."--al in la (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That's what I'm here for, Al. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.)

Anonymous said...

"Is Radosh looking for a new gig?"

Dr Sumguy said...

Dear Judge. Great job your honor. Both boneguy and I, thought your comments were clever and funny. I haven't ruled out the possibility that you're actually al in la, but your spelling is better.

boneguy said...

We have a winner! Judge on.

Tim H said...

"Damn! We're missing Wheel of Fortune in Hawaii Week!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Well, fuck."

lee woo said...

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. See the link below for more info.


#thinking
www.ufgop.org

Leslie Lim said...

You have done a great work. Thanks for making this blog. You helped me a lot on my research topic. Keep it up guys!

Say
www.imarksweb.org

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.