Sunday, January 12, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #412





WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Judge me,...PLEASE!"--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Couldn't resist. The clamoring for validation and the desire to me ridiculed has been a staple of entries in Anti Cap contests left unjudged. This one also casts me a the dominatrix and, remarkably enough, not the clown. Thanks, I guess.)

SECOND PLACE
"That's a clown question, ho."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A response made famous by 19 year-old Bryce Harper of the Washington Nationals when a reporter asked him if he was going to drink a beer. Harper said “Bro.” NJ to TX changed it to “Ho.” We like to encourage that kind of creativity here.)

THIRD PLACE
"I better not tell the guy on island #406 - he only got a lousy plumber with a crappy wrench."--Puffin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When your toilet is stopped up a dominatrix is of little use. Still, Puffin shows respect for the history of the contest, albeit recent history.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"You can do anything you want with me."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Something for her to keep in mind if she has to resort to canalbalism. A word of caution: he probably tastes funny.)
"Take off your nose and put it in your mouth."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is included only because it annoyed me. The clown is the one doing the talking. Also, clown noses can not be used as ball gags [none of your business how I know that]. Please people: pay attention!)

"I hear you have the secret to longer lashes."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Too good to ignore.)
"Thanks but I prefer to enter the Anti-Caption Contest to get my weird S & M kicks."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That's why I make you bitches wait and wait before I trash your ass. And next week you'll be back for more.)
"Don't judge me and I won't judge you. Oh good, you're Al in LA. I've heard you don't bother judging anything."--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here's my verdict: smuck is a schmuck. Happy? )

"My name's Al and I've been a very naughty boy.”-- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Slightly provacative but if I'm paying for her services I don't think I don't I'd go with a clown suit. 'Nuff said.)


"Al, you've changed."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Believe me it's a good thing.)

69 comments:

Kathy H said...

Cathy's Clown

Anonymouse said...

"Al, you've changed."

Puffin said...

"I better not tell the guy on island #406 - he only got a lousy plumber with a crappy wrench."

boneguy said...

I pray to God clowns don't creep you out.

boneguy said...

Did you have a chance to study the
spreadsheet
I emailed to you?

Tim H said...

"When I made my reservation for The Palm, I didn't expect this."

pg13 said...

"You know what they say about the size of a man's shoes."

LR said...

"Do you have a client list or do you take any Bozo that comes along?"

Kathy H said...

"You sent for me?"

Anonymouse said...

"Is this where I audition for Kinky Boots?"

Levon Delight said...

I feel that I've been sent here as some sort of punishment.

Levon Delight said...

Well I dominate tricks.

pg13 said...

"I hear you have the secret to longer lashes."

smuck said...

"Don't judge me and I won't judge you. Oh good, you're Al in LA. I've heard you don't bother judging anything."

smuck said...

"The clowners here aren't obscene enough."

pg13 said...

"This is where the Ronald McDonald House sends the bad little boys and girls."

Anonymous said...

"You can't beat the shore excursions on a Carnival Cruise."

Kathy H said...

"Can you tell me how to get to Bikini Bridge?"

Anonymouse said...

People say I'm the life of the party
'Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue

cubshlub said...

Does your flower squirt too?

NJ-to-TX said...

My friends will be coming by to watch and offer encouragement.

boneguy said...

Any idea where the GW bridge closing meeting is taking place?

Anonymous said...

"My name's Al and I've been a very naughty boy."

Puffin said...

"Are you sure we're not in an episode from 'Lost'?"

Puffin said...

"Or 'Fantasy Island' - Da whip! Da whip!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"You know! ... With your 'Fuck me Shoes' and my 'Clown Feet' ... We could make a giant step forward!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"OK ... On the count of three ... I'll whip it out ... You whip it up!"

Anonymous said...

"Take off your nose and put it in your mouth."

Anonymous said...

"I could use a sex on the beach right about now."

Anonymous said...

"Wanna see a real palm tree?"

pg13 said...

"Go ahead and do your thing, and I'll start singing Devo."

REX said...

"You abuse, I amuse -- get it?"

Satireguy said...

"Thanks but I prefer to enter the Anti-Caption Contest to get my weird S & M kicks."

Tim H said...

"You only hurt the one you love."

Anonymouse said...

"Pardon me, but do you have any Miracle Whip® ?"

Anonymous said...

"Stick 'em up where I can see them."

Puffin said...

"If I pass on the cat o' nine tails, can I juggle your coconuts?"

Anonymous said...

"So, if you don't deliver in 30 minutes I get it for free?"

Anonymous said...

"So this is what biatch means."

Anonymous said...

"You can do anything you want with me."

Kathy H said...

"Where are we? Beats me."

Shelly said...

"Judge me,...PLEASE!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"My name is Squirt ... And yes ... We still have an opening for a palm job!"

boneguy said...

This is fortuitous. My stage name is Marquis de Clown.

Dex said...

"Norman is an island."

(Tip of the whip to... Oh, never mind)

NJ-to-TX said...

"That's a clown question, ho."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm a white-faced clown ... The black-faced clowns are on the adjacent island ... And all of the two-faced clowns are in Washington!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"and p.s. ... The other two faced clown is in New Jersey!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"It's now called The "New Yorker Anti-Contest Caption."

Tim H said...

"I'm here for the parade. The Hit Parade."

NJ-to-TX said...

"I'm Jadeveon, and they call me a gamecock for a damn good reason."

Anonymouse said...

"My other suit's in the cleaners."

gfwrite said...

What are the odds that only the onboard entertainers were the ones to survive?

gfwrite said...

YOur boobs look like one-eyed faces. I thought I was the comedy entertainment.

gfwrite said...

I'll seltzer bottle you if you. . . Oh, do what you want.

gfwrite said...

Are those real or is it a coconut gag?

gfwrite said...

Let me tell you how this is going to go. Read any Stephen King novels?

gfwrite said...

When I suggested you take off the fishnet stockings I WAS only thinking of eating some fish.

gfwrite said...

Though you do tend to dominate I think our differences are surmountable.

james said...

"The hurters here are obscene."

Dex said...

"Tell me that story again how Cavsnsugh lost his fingertip."

pg13 said...

"I'll bet your beaver could fell a tree."

boneguy said...

Amazing. That tree was at a 45 degree angle a few minutes ago.

boneguy said...

If you get back to the mainland before me, let the anti cappers know of my new life's passion.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Snopes says it's false, but Snopes is a run by left-wing morons. Why don't you find out for yourself?"

Anonymous said...

"Wincheler. T.A.Wincheler...name plates limited. Speaking."

Tim H said...

"So, who do you like in the Super Bowl?"

Austin in PA said...

"The safe word is *sound of horn.*"

Anonymous said...

"You will only solidify my understanding of reality."

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.