WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Judge
me,...PLEASE!"--Shelly (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Couldn't resist. The clamoring for validation and the
desire to be ridiculed has been a staple of entries in Anti Cap
contests left unjudged. This one also casts me a the dominatrix and,
remarkably enough, not the clown. Thanks, I guess.)
SECOND
PLACE
"That's
a clown question, ho."--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A response made famous by 19 year-old Bryce Harper of the
Washington Nationals when a reporter asked him if he was going to
drink a beer. Harper said “Bro.” NJ to TX changed it to “Ho.”
We like to encourage that kind of creativity here.)
THIRD
PLACE
"I
better not tell the guy on island #406 - he only got a lousy plumber
with a crappy wrench."--Puffin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When
your toilet is stopped up a dominatrix
is of little use. Still, Puffin shows respect for the history of the
contest, albeit recent history.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"You
can do anything you want with me."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Something for her to keep in mind if she has to resort to
canalbalism. A word of caution: he probably tastes funny.)
"Take
off your nose and put it in your mouth."--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is included only because it annoyed me. The
clown is the one doing the talking. Also, clown noses can not be used
as ball gags [none of your business how I know that]. Please people:
pay attention!)
"I
hear you have the secret to longer lashes."--pg13
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Too good to ignore.)
"Thanks
but I prefer to enter the Anti-Caption Contest to get my weird S &
M kicks."--Satireguy
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: That's why I make you bitches wait and wait before I trash
your ass. And next week you'll be back for more.)
"Don't
judge me and I won't judge you. Oh good, you're Al in LA. I've heard
you don't bother judging anything."--smuck
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here's my verdict: smuck is a schmuck. Happy?
)
"My
name's Al and I've been a very naughty boy.”-- Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Slightly provacative but if I'm paying for her
services, I don't think I'd go with a clown suit. 'Nuff
said.)
"Al,
you've changed."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
Believe me it's a good thing.)
67 comments:
Cathy's Clown
"Al, you've changed."
"I better not tell the guy on island #406 - he only got a lousy plumber with a crappy wrench."
I pray to God clowns don't creep you out.
Did you have a chance to study the
spreadsheet I emailed to you?
"When I made my reservation for The Palm, I didn't expect this."
"You know what they say about the size of a man's shoes."
"Do you have a client list or do you take any Bozo that comes along?"
"You sent for me?"
"Is this where I audition for Kinky Boots?"
I feel that I've been sent here as some sort of punishment.
Well I dominate tricks.
"I hear you have the secret to longer lashes."
"Don't judge me and I won't judge you. Oh good, you're Al in LA. I've heard you don't bother judging anything."
"The clowners here aren't obscene enough."
"This is where the Ronald McDonald House sends the bad little boys and girls."
"You can't beat the shore excursions on a Carnival Cruise."
"Can you tell me how to get to Bikini Bridge?"
People say I'm the life of the party
'Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
Does your flower squirt too?
My friends will be coming by to watch and offer encouragement.
Any idea where the GW bridge closing meeting is taking place?
"My name's Al and I've been a very naughty boy."
"Are you sure we're not in an episode from 'Lost'?"
"Or 'Fantasy Island' - Da whip! Da whip!"
"You know! ... With your 'Fuck me Shoes' and my 'Clown Feet' ... We could make a giant step forward!"
"OK ... On the count of three ... I'll whip it out ... You whip it up!"
"Take off your nose and put it in your mouth."
"I could use a sex on the beach right about now."
"Wanna see a real palm tree?"
"Go ahead and do your thing, and I'll start singing Devo."
"You abuse, I amuse -- get it?"
"Thanks but I prefer to enter the Anti-Caption Contest to get my weird S & M kicks."
"You only hurt the one you love."
"Pardon me, but do you have any Miracle Whip® ?"
"Stick 'em up where I can see them."
"If I pass on the cat o' nine tails, can I juggle your coconuts?"
"So, if you don't deliver in 30 minutes I get it for free?"
"So this is what biatch means."
"You can do anything you want with me."
"Where are we? Beats me."
"Judge me,...PLEASE!"
"My name is Squirt ... And yes ... We still have an opening for a palm job!"
This is fortuitous. My stage name is Marquis de Clown.
"Norman is an island."
(Tip of the whip to... Oh, never mind)
"That's a clown question, ho."
"and p.s. ... The other two faced clown is in New Jersey!"
"It's now called The "New Yorker Anti-Contest Caption."
"I'm here for the parade. The Hit Parade."
"I'm Jadeveon, and they call me a gamecock for a damn good reason."
"My other suit's in the cleaners."
What are the odds that only the onboard entertainers were the ones to survive?
YOur boobs look like one-eyed faces. I thought I was the comedy entertainment.
I'll seltzer bottle you if you. . . Oh, do what you want.
Are those real or is it a coconut gag?
Let me tell you how this is going to go. Read any Stephen King novels?
When I suggested you take off the fishnet stockings I WAS only thinking of eating some fish.
Though you do tend to dominate I think our differences are surmountable.
"The hurters here are obscene."
"Tell me that story again how Cavsnsugh lost his fingertip."
"I'll bet your beaver could fell a tree."
Amazing. That tree was at a 45 degree angle a few minutes ago.
If you get back to the mainland before me, let the anti cappers know of my new life's passion.
"Wincheler. T.A.Wincheler...name plates limited. Speaking."
"So, who do you like in the Super Bowl?"
"The safe word is *sound of horn.*"
"You will only solidify my understanding of reality."
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