Tuesday, January 21, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #413




WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Well why not. It's not much different than how social security works.” --james (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Biting social commentary with a germ of truth. Every politician knows better than to screw with Soc. Sec. And even geezers who want the government out of their lives want their damn check. This reflects a mind-set that, hopefully doesn't take hold.)
SECOND PLACE
"Don't worry, honey. He's a 'good guy with a gun.'"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical—but also a little wimpy. Hate to sound like a gun-nut, but let's say you encountered some drunken asshole Dodger fans in the parking lot, and they wanted to fuck with you because you had the audacity to wear your Mets jersey to Dodger Stadium? Won't it be nice to go all Bernard Getz on their asses? Just sayin')
THIRD PLACE
"Hey, I recognize this guy! He's an old comedian from the Catskills! So, I guess this is a schtick-up!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In Anti-Cap land, the only thing that can stop someone from coming in third with a bad pun, is someone coming in third with a good pun. Thank you Kathy. You have certainly earned turd place.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"It's probably drug-related."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe this is a reach, but pg13 appears to be making a statement about the inevitable issues that will arise as stoners reach their golden years.)
"He's not messing around. He's fluent in Ebonics."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe this is a reach but pg13 appears to be making a racist slur. It is, however, tasteless and mean and hence bad enough to merit a mention.)
"I thought he said the first blowjob was free."--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Almost the winner. It does look like this is exactly what the guy reaching for his wallet is saying and, yes, the old gal behind the gunman looks like she's ready for business. [If you have issues, just close your eyes and pretend it's Angela Lansbury.] Still , the gun makes no sense here. If the guy is unwilling to pay-up or at least take her out to dinner...well I think we all know how it works. Still, pretty good.)
"That a Magnum 44K, the most powerful retirement plan in the world."--Dirty Old Harry (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A plausible Plan B for those who have no pension. Also, I'm a big Clint Eastwood fan and this cap left out the word “is,” which is something I always do. So...)

"Don't worry, it's loaded with anti-caps."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No, they won't kill you, but if you get hit with enough of them at once, you'll wish they did.)

37 comments:

james said...

"Well why not. It's not much different than how social security works. "

boneguy said...

My dad read that an armed robbery expends the calorie equivalent of a really tough spin class.

Puffin said...

"Things could get ugly. They're probably high on Metamucil."

Anonymouse said...

"Don't worry, honey. He's a ' good guy with a gun.'"

boneguy said...

I wonder who they got to drive the getaway scooter?

Anonymous said...

"C-mon, Christine. You agreed to go Dutch."

pg13 said...

"It's probably drug-related."

pg13 said...

"I told you we shouldn't walk the streets on bingo night."

pg13 said...

"He's not messing around. He's fluent in Ebonics."

Anonymous said...

"Do what he says or you're gonna get popped."

pg13 said...

"Welcome to the Florida Panhandle."

Tim H said...

"I'll give 'em my wallet, but I'll be damned if I give 'em one penny of my Sandy money!"

boneguy said...

I'm the one being held up and the guy with the gun shats in his pants!

Puffin said...

"A classic case of poor retirement planning."

Kathy H said...

"Hey, I recognize this guy! He's an old comedian from the Catskills! So, I guess this is a schtick-up!"

LR said...

"I wish I had removed all of my white-face clown makeup after getting off Dominatrix Island and before being mugged by Concealed Cary and his moll."

Dirty Old Harry said...

"That a Magnum 44K, the most powerful retirement plan in the world."

pg13 said...

"Don't worry, it's loaded with anti-caps."

gfwrite said...

I can't take a chance he AND his little friend are shooting blanks.

Mary Ann Fitze said...

Clyde and Bonnie here need money for their co-pay.

gfwrite said...

I gotta say, the gun IS more persuasive than just asking.

gfwrite said...

Ha! My Econ. prof. from NYU.

gfwrite said...

Marge, this is my Mom and Dad. They're 47%ers.

gfwrite said...

He said he needs some cash for bullets.

Puffin said...

"Looks like there's no use-by date on gangstas and their crack whores."

boneguy said...

I guess AARP stands for Ancient Assholes Robbing People.

Anonymous said...

"Relax honey. Guns don't kill people."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"I told you mom and dad would hold us up."

Shelly said...

"I've adopted a new philosophy- 'Who am I to judge?'"

Anonymous said...

"I thought he said the first blowjob was free."

Anonymous said...

"Stand your ground honey, this'll only take a second."

Anonymous said...

"I told you dad wouldn't let us take away his driving privileges."

sheesh said...

"Don't worry, I'll just give him a dollar and they'll think it's a lot of money."

Puffin said...

"I rest my case.Old people are the pits."

Austin in PA said...

"Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

Don Don said...

"I had heard that Madeoff escaped and was starting over".

Benton Franklin said...

Don't worry, I only gave them the PIN to my online checking account.

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