This is our new suppository remote
"Yeah, it's kosher. But when you drag it into the oven, be careful."
I know al's last wish was to be buried in the thing he loved the most.
"...and it makes a great gift for Evrolet Girl."
Ironically, it's a giant remote but with the same fucking tiny, unreadable labels on the buttons as the standard ones.
Due to wanton, indiscriminate drug use by my mother during pregnancy, I was born with freakishly long arms and no eyeballs. Can you tell me what this is I'm holding?
"They've made it harder to lose."
"This is our Godzilla model - runs on a nuclear power cell and totally controls all electronic devices within a five mile radius."
"...and I don't need to tell you, madam, that the Super Bowl screams out for a Super Remote!"
"This baby can rewind all the way back to the Big Bang."
"And, if anything happens to your son, he can be buried in it!"
"Bigger is better!"
The size may not seem logical to you Vulcans, but it seems illogical to me to keep asking "Is that how big it is", when I'm holding it in front of you.
We let you blacks hold this huge remote because it's harder to steal.
"Can I interest you in an LG?"
..and instead of batteries, it contains 4 midgets pedaling furiously.
Just remember the last guy who bought one of these, gave up the only thing that gave meaning to his life and many others.
"In Russia, remote control is in Siberia."
"And when your wife finds your fat, lazy ass dead on the couch, it doubles as a cheap coffin!
alinlalaland- If you don't have time to write a clever response, just pick 1st, 2nd, and 3rd and post without comment. That's all we're asking! We only need the tiniest piece of positive reinforcement! Thanks.
The only phone that the NSA will not listen (maybe)! drmrs 1/28/2014
Press 'Recall' and Al might come back.
It's the latest from Fukishima.
"She'll love it - it vibrates!"
"She'll never know you're watching porn."
It's no longer a contest. It's simply a psychological study to see who's stupid enough to enter. (Winner!)
"This one will last him right up through high school."
"Now the mute button is a little hard to find..."
"I think the medium-size remote is a good choice."
"Try buying this online fucker!"
"Do you think your father could understand this one?"
"Do you want the underbody protection?"
"This one's called 'The Compensator.'"
"It's also a point and click microwave."
"Not many men have the hands for this but he will never misplace it."
"Lady, this is corporate America, we sell any and everything."
"It is second hand from a Jeannie. Something about a wish for "large control over her" that did not turn out."
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