Sunday, January 26, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #414





WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Yeah, it's kosher. But when you drag it into the oven, be careful."--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tasteless, offensive and not at all funny. It's also obscure in a way that assures no one but the most devoted Anti-Cappers will understand it. Still, it is the only true Anti-Cap in the bunch. Shame on the rest of you people for not coming up with shit like this!)
SECOND PLACE
"They've made it harder to lose."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because it is so big and people frequently lose their remote controls. Now do you begin to understand why it is so hard to maintain interest? )
THIRD PLACE
"This baby can rewind all the way back to the Big Bang."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reminds us that “rewind” is not a feature to be trifled with. Noted.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
I know al's last wish was to be buried in the thing he loved the most.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sense, you can't watch the remote if you lose your TV in the cushions of your couch. Besides, as a [social] media tycoon, it is well documented that the thing I loved most is called “Rosebud.”)

It's no longer a contest. It's simply a psychological study to see who's stupid enough to enter. (Winner!) -- (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Researchers here at Anti-Cap HQ used two groups of lab rats to conduct a study. The rats that submitted multiple entries and obsessed over who won ultimately became bitter and condescending. The rats that didn't give a shit about the contest lived happier, healthier lives.)

alinlalaland- If you don't have time to write a clever response, just pick 1st, 2nd, and 3rd and post without comment. That's all we're asking! We only need the tiniest piece of positive reinforcement! Thanks.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: First, you're right: The comments are “clever.” But commenting is the easy-breezy part. Sifting, sorting cutting and pasting, that's the pain-in-the-ass part.)

Press 'Recall' and Al might come back.--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Would have been much better if it said “hit return.” There is no “recall key” – at least not on my keyboard.)

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is our new suppository remote

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, it's kosher. But when you drag it into the oven, be careful."

boneguy said...

I know al's last wish was to be buried in the thing he loved the most.

Tim H said...

"...and it makes a great gift for Evrolet Girl."

Levon Delight said...

Ironically, it's a giant remote but with the same fucking tiny, unreadable labels on the buttons as the standard ones.

Levon Delight said...

Due to wanton, indiscriminate drug use by my mother during pregnancy, I was born with freakishly long arms and no eyeballs. Can you tell me what this is I'm holding?

pg13 said...

"They've made it harder to lose."

Puffin said...

"This is our Godzilla model - runs on a nuclear power cell and totally controls all electronic devices within a five mile radius."

Kathy H said...

"...and I don't need to tell you, madam, that the Super Bowl screams out for a Super Remote!"

LR said...

"This baby can rewind all the way back to the Big Bang."

NJ-to-TX said...

"And, if anything happens to your son, he can be buried in it!"

Anonymouse said...

"Bigger is better!"

Levon Delight said...

The size may not seem logical to you Vulcans, but it seems illogical to me to keep asking "Is that how big it is", when I'm holding it in front of you.

Anonymous said...

We let you blacks hold this huge remote because it's harder to steal.

james said...

"Can I interest you in an LG?"

boneguy said...

..and instead of batteries, it contains 4 midgets pedaling furiously.

boneguy said...

..and instead of batteries, it contains 4 midgets pedaling furiously.

boneguy said...

Just remember the last guy who bought one of these, gave up the only thing that gave meaning to his life and many others.

Anonymous said...

"In Russia, remote control is in Siberia."

Steve_O said...

"And when your wife finds your fat, lazy ass dead on the couch, it doubles as a cheap coffin!

Anonymous said...

alinlalaland- If you don't have time to write a clever response, just pick 1st, 2nd, and 3rd and post without comment. That's all we're asking! We only need the tiniest piece of positive reinforcement! Thanks.

Anonymous said...

The only phone that the NSA will not listen (maybe)! drmrs 1/28/2014

Anonymous said...

Press 'Recall' and Al might come back.

gfwrite said...

It's the latest from Fukishima.

NJ-to-TX said...

"She'll love it - it vibrates!"

Anonymous said...

"She'll never know you're watching porn."

Anonymous said...

It's no longer a contest. It's simply a psychological study to see who's stupid enough to enter. (Winner!)

Anonymous said...

Second prize!

Lanza Montana said...

"This one will last him right up through high school."

Lanza Montana said...

"Now the mute button is a little hard to find..."

Lanza Montana said...

"I think the medium-size remote is a good choice."

JeuJeu said...

"Try buying this online fucker!"

Schmoops said...

"Do you think your father could understand this one?"

Pulpo said...

"Do you want the underbody protection?"

planebearing said...

"This one's called 'The Compensator.'"

Austin in PA said...

"It's also a point and click microwave."

Don Don said...

"Not many men have the hands for this but he will never misplace it."

Anonymous said...

"Lady, this is corporate America, we sell any and everything."

Don Don said...

"It is second hand from a Jeannie. Something about a wish for "large control over her" that did not turn out."

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