He said something about 'Going to the Mattresses'!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENt: Entered literally within 30 seconds of the contest being posted, this references a line from "The Godfather." That--and only that--is what it has going for it. Once again I urge entrants to spend at least 60 seconds thinking of a cap before posting something that will be read by as many as a dozen people over the course of several days.)
"You know ... This is going to really fuck up our 'SLEEP NUMBER' settings!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to an adjustable bed with different firmness settings for each side. Having a third person would be awkward--and that's before you even get into the issue of who's hogging the sheets.)
"No, tell me. Did he suck my cock last night, or did you?"--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you have to ask you really don't what to know. )
Here's lurking at your kid --Bogphey Humpgart (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much better even though the signature is confusing and the quote marks are missing.)
I believe this is known as a "double Bogie"--Mr Hasntsunkaputtinawhile (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yet we see only one Bogie. A worthwhile but flawed effort.)
"Does Netflix have HD or does Netflix have HD?!"--Phillip Marlowe (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Am I the only one who thinks that when this long-awaited technology finally arrives, its most popular application will involve adult oriented material?)
Yes, I said we would kill a hobo; that doesn't mean we can't have fun with him first.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Unless we are to believe he wants a three-way with his wife and some smelly homeless guy, I'm assuming that by "fun" he means torture and dismember. And even if "fun" means they play charades or Monopoly before they waste him, they're still sick sadistic psychopaths. Either way, the usually tepid JohnnyB offers a surprisingly dark and gruesome entry.)
Suck-up Dylan Caption #362 :"His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean. And you're the best thing that he's ever seen."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Your loyalty is noted comrade. It's interesting to note that the song in question, Lay Lady Lay, is not a plea for sex it's basically a wing-man's pitch: "Excuse me, miss? Why don't you go have sex with that guy over there with the dirty clothes and clean hands..." This demonstrates Dylan's magnanimous spirit, unlike more self absorbed please-have-sex-with-me! songs like "Let's Get it On," or Zepplin's "Whole Lotta Love" [which, by the way, includes the line "Gonna give you every inch of my love" without ever noting how many inches are being offered up.] I prefer the word "tribute" to "suck-up" by the way.)
"There were three in the bed and the little one said "Roll over, roll over." So they all rolled over and....wait! Am I the only one who knows the words to this song?"--Nova (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Entered on behalf of a beautiful 19-month old who is disinterested in random internet surfing, and even less so in the goings-on of the Anti-Cap. A quick study who is uninhibited about expressing her dissatisfaction, she has come to associate grandpa's lap with grandpa's laptop and is now hip to the magic of YouTude. [Type in "Elmo" and you get over 50,000 hits.] She has taken a fancy to the "Ten in the Bed" song [224 hits] that inspired this cap. I personally find it highly repetitive and a little creepy. Still, it's a well established children's classic, so when she demanded that we watch it for the fifth consecutive time, I did't ask why there were ten in the bed. I just did what the little one said.)
"Your Mother?!? Really"?--Don Jr. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So...her mother is in bed with them and is dressed in men's clothing. Should we assume he is saying "Really?" as an expression of surprise and disgust? Or maybe it's his birthday and this is the sexual fantasy he has long craved. He could be saying "Really?" because he can't believe his good fortune. If memory serves, Jerry Springer did a show build around this theme. It's a lot more common than you might think.)
"You know ... This is going to really fuck up our 'SLEEP NUMBER' settings!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to an adjustable bed with different firmness settings for each side. Having a third person would be awkward--and that's before you even get into the issue of who's hogging the sheets.)
"I knew these luxury suites at Citi Field had everything. But, R.A.Dickey?!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I'm beginning to detect in Kathy an obsession with the knuckle-ball hurling renaissance man from Tennessee. A great guy but he is powerless to stop the Washington Nationals from winning the division.)
"Ilsa, honey? Don't you think your friend Rick might be more comfortable in the guest room? "--REX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So begins a string of caps that suggest the man in the middle is Humphrey Bogart. In Casablanca, Rick (Bogie) came between Ilsa and her husband Victor. This cap illustrates that, albeit in a heavy-handed way. )
I swear dear, once he finds the Maltese Falcon, he will be outta here.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He's not going to find it just lying there. Maybe he has a different agenda.)
"Here's looking at your kid"--humphrey B (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And she's like: "You do realize there is a strange man in our bed, right?")
Here's lurking at your kid --Bogphey Humpgart (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much better even though the signature is confusing and the quote marks are missing.)
"Really? He double bogeyed the first hole?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This would have had far more Anti-Cap cred if the setting was the White House bedroom and it was Barack saying this to Michele. Alas, with out those tasteless elements it's just a bit better then the last cap.)
"Just put your lips together and blow him."--Lauren Guffaw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Say what? If she puts her lips together the only thing she'll be able to blow is a clarinet. It's like telling her to put the cap back on the whiskey bottle before taking a swig. This is counter intuitive at best. )
"Don't bogart that Bogart, honey."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Bogie didn't strike me as the type guy who'd do a broad than do the broad's husband. But admittedly many Hollywood icons led very secretive lives back in the day.)
I see the shadow of a man, baby, making you blue. Who is he, baby, and what's he to you?--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Our requisite Dylan reference. This is from "Something's Burning, Baby," which appears on the highly forgettable 1985 album "Empire Burlesque." Even so, the quote I use in my blog bio, "What looks large from a distance, up close ain't ever that big," is from that same album--different song though. )
"It’s bad enough you bring another man into our bed but did you have to get one from another artist's comic strip"?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There is a germ of humor here but it is not a comic strip it is a cartoon, and the word "artist's" is unnecessary. Maybe some kind of Dick Tracy/Chickweed Lane cross pollination would have worked--just saying'. )
Yes, I said we would kill a hobo; that doesn't mean we can't have fun with him first.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Unless we are to believe he wants a three-way with his wife and some smelly homeless guy, I'm assuming that by "fun" he means torture and dismember. And even if "fun" means they play charades or Monopoly before they waste him, they're still sick sadistic psychopaths. Either way, the usually tepid JohnnyB offers a surprisingly dark and gruesome entry.)
Suck-up Dylan Caption #362 :"His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean. And you're the best thing that he's ever seen."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Your loyalty is noted comrade. It's interesting to note that the song in question, Lay Lady Lay, is not a plea for sex it's basically a wing-man's pitch: "Excuse me, miss? Why don't you go have sex with that guy over there with the dirty clothes and clean hands..." This demonstrates Dylan's magnanimous spirit, unlike more self absorbed please-have-sex-with-me! songs like "Let's Get it On," or Zepplin's "Whole Lotta Love" [which, by the way, includes the line "Gonna give you every inch of my love" without ever noting how many inches are being offered up.] I prefer the word "tribute" to "suck-up" by the way.)
"There were three in the bed and the little one said "Roll over, roll over." So they all rolled over and....wait! Am I the only one who knows the words to this song?"--Nova (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Entered on behalf of a beautiful 19-month old who is disinterested in random internet surfing, and even less so in the goings-on of the Anti-Cap. A quick study who is uninhibited about expressing her dissatisfaction, she has come to associate grandpa's lap with grandpa's laptop and is now hip to the magic of YouTude. [Type in "Elmo" and you get over 50,000 hits.] She has taken a fancy to the "Ten in the Bed" song [224 hits] that inspired this cap. I personally find it highly repetitive and a little creepy. Still, it's a well established children's classic, so when she demanded that we watch it for the fifth consecutive time, I did't ask why there were ten in the bed. I just did what the little one said.)
92 comments:
"He said something about 'Going to the Mattresses'!"
"Your Mother?!? Really"?
"Worst...sexual...surrogate...EVER!"
"The rash on my chest is not contagious".
"You are just going to have to trust me that I do not love my wife".
"Ignore him! He is 'Nothing'!"
"You know ... This is going to really fuck up our 'SLEEP NUMBER' settings!"
"Ilsa, honey? Don't you think your friend Rick might be more comfortable in the guest room? "
"I get the distinct feeling something's cum between us."
"I told him to tail you, honey."
I swear dear, once he finds the Maltese Falcon, he will be outta here.
The GOP sent him. He'll be with us for the next nine months to ensure our zygote makes it to term.
"Tell me about your 'Weekend at Bernie's!"
"I've got a hilarious comment to make about our friend, if only I could figure out if he was a spy, a flasher, or Dusty Hill from Z.Z. Top."
"Here's looking at your kid"
Here's lurking at your kid
"Congressman Akin's here just to ensure that what's about to happen to you is 'legitimate.'"
"What? You've never heard of a ménage à fedora before?"
"Let's play Telephone!"
"I knew these luxury suites at Citi Field had everything. But, R.A.Dickey?!"
He's obviously working...(wait for it)... undercover."
[Oops. I meant...]
"...undercover."
"But, honey...you said I could be on the down-low as long as I was discreet."
"He's investigating the truck that crashed here a while back."
"Don't you remember? The only way I could get that great deal from Priceline® was if William Shatner could come along."
Isn't it time we buried your father?
What makes you think you're being followed?
"I told you we should have read the entire Republican platform before voting for Romney/Ryan"
"Then take your fucking birth control pills."
"When they said our room wasn't quite ready, they weren't kidding!"
"Listen my friend ... Both of us snore and fart like crazy ... If you value your life ... Get out now!"
So I owe the mob some money. Why are you making such a big deal about it?
"And before I permit penetration, you'll have to solve this riddle ... 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could'?"
"I wish he were drawn better."
"I asked him to find our lost intimacy."
"Why does this bed feel like a ski slope?"
"When you offered a threesome, this isn't quite what I had in mind."
---blw
“If you’re worried about getting pregnant, I’m sure your body has ways to stop it.”
---left coast wayne
"Why that side, Arlene? You know I'm right-handed."
"So how was the 'Farewell Intercourse'?"
"If we have sex now we're both screwed."
"In Russia, 'The Man' gets screwed by you."
"Honey, I think there's a burglar in the house!"
"You can leave your hat on."
He's called Claude Funston for a reason.
I see the shadow of a man, baby, making you blue. Who is he, baby, and what's he to you?
“I have to go to the bathroom, so remember—no funny stuff while I’m gone.”
[Scene from the Hemingway-inspired porno: "The Old Man and the C Cup."]
"I want you, I want you so bad, Honey, to be a blowin' me in the wind till my stones are rolling with no direction home."
I believe this is known as a "double Bogie"
"You didn't tell me this was an 'AARP' affilliated hotel!"
"It's a new fad ... 'London Fog' pajamas!"
"There were three in the bed and the little one said "Roll over, roll over." So they all rolled over and....wait! Am I the only one who know the words to this song?"
"This reminds me of that Twilight Zone episode where a stranger in a trench coat, a beard and a hat gets in bed with a couple, and there's a cartoon artist also in the room taking it all in. Remember?"
"Heey Looook it's Bahhhb Dylaaaahn, leeeet's taaaake h-immm to the b-one ya-aaard."
"He says he's the engineer for the 'Sleep Train' mattress company, and he would like you to blow his whistle!'
Thanks for helping out hon. It's been hell since they cut funding to the morgue.
"ED happens to every guy sometimes."
"what does not having a lower torso have to do with anything?"
"I get this sneaking suspicion that you're having an affair..."
I suppose now is as a good a time as any to tell you: I'm gay.
"It’s bad enough you bring another man into our bed but did you have to get one from another artist's comic strip"?
"Under a Republican administration, his eyes will be privatized."
"To the goon, Alice, to the goon!"
"Two guys with no legs will get you the same result as one guy with no legs ".
"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to amscray. vamoose, beat it, hit the bricks, say goodbye, scram, shove off, vacate, vanish, withdraw..."
"Really? He double bogeyed the first hole?"
"Does Netflix have HD or does Netflix have HD?!"
"Just put your lips together and blow him."
"He was selling watches downstairs so I thought maybe you'd want to pick one yourself".
"Don't bogart that Bogart, honey."
The " It's Raining Men Warehouse" had a two for one special today.
If Lawrence v. Texas had been decided differently: "He's from the government. Just here to make sure you're not a guy and I'm not doing you in the butt...It's Justice Scalia's idea."
"I told you it wasn't a great idea to wear that Che Guevara t-shirt."
"He's an old fraternity brother from college. I hope you don't mind."
"He says he's from Homeland Security and he's here to help."
"He brought a couple of midges, and a shitload of bedbugs- do you mind?"
"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
---left coast wayne
"Bogart's dead, so I got Leon Redbone. We'll just have to make it work."
"How is babby formed?"
Suck-up Dylan Caption #362
"His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean
And you're the best thing that he's ever seen."
Yes,I said we would kill a hobo; that doesn't mean we can't have fun with him first.
I am shocked ... SHOCKED ... to find this guy in my bed
"Alright, you can get a cat".
"No, he is not the same as porno".
"This not going to make it easier for us to adopt".
This marital aid looked better in the catalog
This is the last weekend we spend at Bernie's
"Honey, this is Ennis. He'd be a lot more comfortable dressed as a cowboy."
---blw
“It’s OK, honey, he’s inflatable. You can make him bigger if you want to.”
---blw
'I'm left, she's right and we have room on the bottome if you drop by in the middle of the night".
"If we are not doing anything wrong then we have nothing to worry about".
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