Sunday, September 2, 2012

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #348





















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Christ, what a giant asshole!"-- Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that the an appropriate caption for any NYer cartoon is "What is this, some kind of a joke?" That certainly works with this one. But another  cap suited to nearly every cartoon ever inked is: "Christ what an asshole." It, or variations of it,  surface in nearly every Anti-Cap contest [especially when JohnnyB is stuck for something.]  Still, the "Christ" caps are usually shoehorned in at the bottom along the with The Hours Here Are Obscene....No Mr Bond... and a parrot that everyone knows is a clip on. Here, it gets top honors for reasons both obvious and alarming. The republican nominee has proven himself to be the worse type of asshole: an asshole who knows he's an asshole but wants to dupe you into thinking the real assholes are those who expose him as an asshole. As such he doesn't give a shit if you think he's an asshole because that only proves you are an asshole. As a fitting tribute to this enduring yet often over-looked caption I have sandwiched a variation between each winning cap.)


SECOND PLACE 
Not long ago, they all faced left, toward Massachusetts."--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  You could have stopped after "left." That would have made the point about him  being a flip-flopper. Massachusetts is not a liberal mecca--it's also where the Red Sox play so lets' not lionize the place. Even so, when you  listen to things he has said in the past and what he says now, Mitt reveals himself to be a duplicitous, opportunist, dog abusing, non-beer drinking empty suit whose true calling was to be a  model for JC Penny.)





THIRD PLACE
"Combine the political humor of the election with the moai humor of the New Yorker; it's a no-brainer! We tested audiences, and they laughed. Why aren't you laughing?......I can destroy you."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Makes me wonder if someone at the NYer said something like "You know, we did an Easter Island theme not to long ago." Or maybe someone else pointed out that a cartoon obviously mocking Romney would reinforce the NYer's image as a bastion of  cynical, elitist, taxi-t0-work while-cel-phoning, chardonnay-drinking liberals. I actually though it was a pretty stupid cartoon to be honest.) 


HONORABLE MENTIONS
"We're not sure but we think it had something to do with the end of western civilization." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another cautionary cap, but if what we see in the cartoon depicts  what remains of  western cizilivation, wouldn't the hair on at least one graven image be a little mussed up?) 

"Hello. I am slightly unshaven, wearing a tie, and holding a clipboard. I appear to be surveying a tourist with a 25-year old camera."--Anonymous  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I assume this is someone who has never submitted an Anti-Cap before and simply figured they would simply  jott down exactly what they saw. Can't be any worst than the other shit people submit, he or she figured. Your instincts are impeccable. Welcome aboard. Now make up some name for your self and submit something a tiny bit interesting--you know baby steps.)


And this ancient civilization established the policies that the Republican Party still espouses to the present day.--Angus Podgorny  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  A stalwart Anti-Capper whose entries are all over the map, Angus posted this little gem twice. Totally by accident, he claims. He actually had the class and grace to offer a lame excuse:  Oh, so *that's* how captions accidentally get submitted twice: by hitting the back arrow of the browser and then the forward arrow. Sorry."   No apology necessary, my friend.  Still, your cap is deeply flawed. Today's crop of republicans do not espouse, they exploit.  They too wish to hit the back arrow--but not innocently, the way you did.)


"He's getting his 'Schmucks in a Row'!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  First off: Schmuck is a Yiddish word for penis--not very Mormon. And there is only one schmuck,  but apparently he has been duplicated--so this may be a cautionary tale. Another theory: This is a thinly failed reference to polygamy. The well coffered idols [literally headstones, you'll notice] are markers for wifes dispatched for the sake of politician expediency. Probably not true but Mitt uses desperation the way bakers use dough.)



We call this art installation " Seamus' Revenge".--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Seamus, of course is the Romney family dog who was transported for hundreds of miles in brutal weather  conditions while locked into a cage strapped to the car roof.  Okay. Not exactly Schindler's List. And I personally think it would have been a lot worst if he had the dog's leash tied to the bumper. [Later claiming, "He loved it. He's quite the runner you know."] Still, it was the kind of thing that only an asshole would do. While the dog is now  dead, others ---including humans of course--could piss on images of Mitt.  That's the point of this cap.)





The idols' hair here have sheen.--Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  A somewhat agreeable cap unless it is referring to motion picture idol Martin Sheen-who also has graying hair and a square jaw.)


"I brought a couple of Mittues- do you mind?" (pronounced 'Mitt-choose' = subliminal message? Hmmm....)--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It is clear that a fair amount of thought went into this.  The effort to explain what the hell you are talking about is appreciated but baffling.)


"I know what you're thinking. 'Did he fuck over all of the workers or just the low wage workers?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a self-entitled scum-bag, the most powerful rich prick mormon in the world, and wants to ruin your life to make his rich friends even richer, you've got to ask yourself one question: Why would I vote for this human garbage who worships false idols and bares false witness against his neighbor? Well, why would ya, punk?"--NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A considerable amount of thought went into this. I have long been a big fan of Clint Eastwood's and I personally believe High Plains Drifter is up there with The Godfather. I was very disappointed by his appearance at the GOP gabfest.  For decades Clint's presence has been understated yet forceful. His persona speaks of  live-and-live common sense, mingled with a don't-fuck-with-me sensibility. It should be a template for all men. Also, a persistent message in the Dirty Harry movies was that a corrupt system thrives on disinformation.  Clint had some fun and hyped his new movie but it now appears he is siding the wide lapel suits who used to say: "Callahan! This time you've gone to far!"  This time I agree.



"Hey......I gots to know!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  The desperate line from the perp staring down the barrel of Harry's  .44.  All of the other cartoons included were unrelated to the captions--except this one.



84 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Welcome to Tampa. I don't think Isaac's gonna' upend our cause anymore."


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Tax returns? Tax returns??? He don't have to show you no stinking tax returns!!!"


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"He is big. It's the politics that got small."


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Really? Are you shitting me? Another Easter Island Big Head cartoon? Then again I'm one of the darkest people they've every run so let's just call the whole thing even."

Dr Sumguy said...

"They're part of Mitt's 'Job Creation Program'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

Bryl-creem, a little dab'll will do ya, Bryl-creem, you'll look so debonair. Bryl-creem, the gals will all pursue ya, They'll love to RUN their fingers through your hair ... And coming soon ... Bryl-cum for pubic hair!

JohnnyB said...

we built this!

Anonymous said...

"Hello. I am slightly unshaven, wearing a tie, and holding a clipboard. I appear to be surveying a tourist with a 25-year old camera."

Jess said...

Jess said...
"These? They ll be stationed inside each of the re-education camps where Obama voters will be sent after the Governor is sworn in...Don't say anything, though, okay?"

Angus Podgorny said...

No, I'm faculty, you racist bastard! Howard U.!

Angus Podgorny said...

Spread the word. Romney was actually born here.

Angus Podgorny said...

And this ancient civilization established the policies that the Republican Party still espouses to the present day.

Angus Podgorny said...

And this ancient civilization established the policies that the Republican Party still espouses to the present day.

Angus Podgorny said...

Oh, so *that's* how captions accidentally get submitted twice: by hitting the back arrow of the browser and then the forward arrow. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

"You and your people can take your Birkenstock, Nikon and Tommy Bahama collections back where you came from you high rent, over insured, southern fried, gentrified, xenophobe."

boneguy said...

We had to let the last docent go. He was using a .357 laser pointer and kept muttering, "make my day".

Shelly said...

"You didn't build that, we did. Pretty lifelike, huh?"

boneguy said...

We call this art installation " Seamus' Revenge".

boneguy said...

Training the seagulls to shit JUST on the sideburns was a bitch.

boneguy said...

Even for statues they seem incredibly wooden and unlifelike.

boneguy said...

The "Cayman Island Offshore Banker's Association" erected them in tribute.

Shelly said...

"Not long ago, they all faced left, toward Massachusetts."

Anonymous said...

"No, it's not Junior Seau."

Sarah said...

"Welcome to Obamacare-We-Fleet-Endoscopy Island!! Sit anywhere."

Dr Sumguy said...

"The island has a new name ... 'Mitttuckit'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's part of our new 'Air Defense Command' ... They're all facing Mecca!"

boneguy said...

In a bizarre business ritual, Bain puts up a new one after every one of their LBOs gets cannibalized.

Dr Sumguy said...

"We call it ... 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly'!"

Dex said...

"Mormon? No, Norman is an island."

[tip of the hat to smuck, August 2011]

Tim H said...

"Y'know, now that you mention it, they do look a lot like Mitt Romney."

Anonymouse said...

"Well, the McCain ones just crumbled into nothing two weeks after we put them up."

Anonymous said...

"He's a head across the land and sinking fast."

Anonymous said...

"Ryan is much more chiseled."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"They buried his latter-day taint."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"They all look the same, but he's definately a severe conservative in the latest one."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"On the other side of the island is a bunch of empty chairs. We call that 'fair and balanced'."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“One handsome dude . . . If this doesn’t get the gay vote, I don’t know what will.”


---blw

Steve_O said...

"Christ, what a giant asshole!"

Mrs. Dow said...

"Where's Larry's Mitt?"

boneguy said...

Like they say, all Mitt rolls downhill.

Anonymous said...

"It all started after the election. Mitt started talking into a hat, yea a hat and the next thing we know..."

Don Jr. said...

"They all face Salt lake City".

Dr Sumguy said...

"They're 'Statutes of Limitations' ... Usually 4 years, but in this case ... 'Tail Light Warranty'!"

Anonymous said...

"Mitt happens."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"Actually, I prefer something more or less urbain."

Evil Mark said...

I'm from the Keister Island Resort, Mr Eastwood. Just to confirm for later - table for two for dinner?

Michelle O. said...

"Doi!? They're headstones. We couldn't let a Mormon run for president AND keep all nine of his wives."

Dr Sumguy said...

"They're 'Statutes of Limitations' ... That around, says it all!"

Anonymous said...

"It's a new strategy by the GOP to get the gay vote. They're giving all this head . . ."


---blw

Eric G said...

The idols' hair here have sheen.

Danno Chin Ben said...

"It's Jack Lord, you little haole bitch. Go fuck yourself, mahalo very much!"

LR said...

"I brought a couple of Mittues- do you mind?" (pronounced 'Mitt-choose' = subliminal message? Hmmm....)

Dr Sumguy said...

"They're all in the missionary position ... And I swear .... I saw his hips (oops), lips move!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"They're leftovers from the 'Missionary Impossible' series!"

boneguy said...

Just say they were carved in New Guinea. It makes the whole experience feel more exotic.

G. Soros said...

"Kenya imagine that a guy with such great hair lost to an illegal alien? Kenya?"

NAMBY said...

"I know what you're thinking. 'Did he fuck over all of the workers or just the low wage workers?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a self-entitled scum-bag, the most powerful rich prick mormon in the world, and wants to ruin your life to make his rich friends even richer, you've got to ask yourself one question: Why would I vote for this human garbage who worships false idols and bares false witness against his neighbor? Well, why would ya, punk?"

Anonymous said...

"Hey......I gots to know!"

Dex said...

"No tiki, no Washington"

boneguy said...

How quickly can you make them look like Bill Clinton?

M. Mothersbaugh said...

"Q: Are we not men? A: We are Romney"

Dr Sumguy said...

"This is 'Mittuckit Island', home to 8 Rapanui (New Rape) statues. The phrase 'Te pito o te henua' (The Navel of the World), has nothing to do with this cartoon! There are 3 extinct volcanes ... Tag, Mat, and Josh, and 1 sinkhole, Ben! Removal of artefacts or mattress labels is strickly prohibited!"

Anonymous said...

"Well, Mitt did promise strange."

Anonymous said...

"Well, first there was the book of Mormon, and then came the book of Romney, and now there is also Koch brother’s book and Halliburton book all in the name of Jesus of course".

C. Kluwe said...

So your saying trip to this island won't turn me into a 'lustfull cockmonster'

Dr Sumguy said...

"Did Mitt submit a permit for this shit?"

Anonymous said...

"I don't know about you, but all this post-conventional bump gives me a heady rush! Tell me, do you go down?"


---left coast wayne

REX said...

"Why? What do you mean why? He's running for office for pete's sake!"

Jess said...

"Don't worry. They are all made of straw. Easily knocked over and easily burned."

Damon said...

"Combine the political humor of the election with the moai humor of the New Yorker; it's a no-brainer! We tested audiences, and they laughed. Why aren't you laughing?......I can destroy you."

Anonymous said...

"No two are alike, and each Lin Wei Dung is meticulously handcrafted by the artist."

boneguy said...

If you think these are big you should check out their temple undergarments.

Anonymous said...

"Appearing mulatto hopefully improves, albeit subconsciously, his demographic with the undecided voters while not offending the religious white trash. Plus, niggers aren't allowed on the island."

Suzanne said...

"Easter is now a fully owned subsidiary of the Mormon religion."

Anonymous said...

"Pardon me. I gotta go take a Mitt."

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"We're not sure but we think it had something to do with the end of western civilization."

Satireguy said...

"And that's why it's called Dickhead Island."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's getting his 'Schmucks in a Row'!"

Anonymous said...

"He promises there will be only one First Lady."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"Some are calling it a hostile makeover."

Romulan and uncle Remus said...

No, the New York Mitts suck even worse than this guy

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Bird of Paradise said...

If liberals could acualy think they would'nt be liberals anymore

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