WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"I see you've found a way to compensate for your lack of talent."--Air Stein (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may be dull but it's insightful. The cultural landscape is dotted with no-talent assholes who believe girth is synonymous with grandeur. If you can't do it well, do it in an obnoxious in-your-face way that will assure notice. That's just how we roll--and not just here at the Anti-Cap contest, although admittedly we cling to that approach more than most. )
SECOND PLACE
"AA already has a big book!"--Don Jr. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was entered by a relative of mine who had the courage and self discipline to confront the demons that were haunting his life. I know he entered this because he did so after letting me use his computer to post the Superman-on-a-plane cartoon. [Mrs al in la and I were visiting for a few days.] After showing him the cartoon and explaining the Anti Cap concept [such as it is], he said he had a cap of his own he wanted to throw on the heap. I promised him at least an Honorable Mention, then upgraded him to Second Place when he made us a great dinner [the only Anti-Capper ever to do so]. I realize this is blatant nepotism, but you have to appreciate the transparency. )
THIRD PLACE
"'Kama Sutra' called, they're looking forward to the life-sized second edition!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It makes no sense to say "Kama Sulta called." It's like saying "the phone book called..." Still, the cap seeks to find a practical application for such a huge book. As it happens "looking forward" is also a popular position found in the book. This may have been funnier if she suggested he was creating "the Kama Sutra for Dummies." )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I'm leaving you, Dan, for a better-drawn cartoon character."--wgh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just a reminder: Mocking the cartoonist is a sure way to curry favor here. )
"By any chance, did you graduate from Penn?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not much to see here. The take away: "Penn" is short for the University of Pennsylvania and "pen" is the name of the writing implement being used by a character in the cartoon Penn is an ivy league university that is not affiliated with Penn State--a point that will be the focus of their marketing efforts in the post-pedophile era.)
"So you know a lot of big words! Big deal!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Hard to say if he is a pompous jerk or she is just clueless. The point: Ill-informed people often take umbrage at smart people stuff like big words. Really stupid people think that "big words" refers to words printed in large type. Too bad Kathy did not provide a link explaining her intention.)
Would you stop fucking that giant book and come in to dinner?--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The writer's prone position leads Johnny to conclude this is a sex act. The "come-to-dinner part" reveals Johnny's bourgeois values. Overall, the caption confirms all you need to know about our "special" Anti-Capper.)
"Evrolet girl called - she wants her journal back."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to a previous contest. Lame and tired. Also that whole "So-and-so called, they want their such-and-such back" is like soooooooo 1995.)
"Christ, what an asshole."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This might have worked if it said "Chris, what an ass!" We could then assume his name is Chris and she is simply admiring his butt. As it stands she is just ripping him down.)
"I get the whole 'Italian poet in the 13th Century' thing. But... Oh, shit, never mind!--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to Dylan's masterpiece "Tangled up in Blue." The actual line refers to a book"written by an Italian poet from the fifteenth century." So you were only off by 200 years. Once again I caution Anti-Cappers not to try and out-Dylan me.)
"Dylan's pulled ahead of the Island Boys, 102-101. I thought you'd like to know.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Noted. The Dylan photo Bonus Cap set a record. No surprise there. )
"'My Back Pages'? Oh, it's bigger than that, honey."---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And yet another Dylan reference. I don't really get it beyond using the name of an early album...but I'm fine with that.)
"'My Back Pages'? Oh, it's bigger than that, honey."---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And yet another Dylan reference. I don't really get it beyond using the name of an early album...but I'm fine with that.)
74 comments:
Thus started "Writ Large Press"
The Book of Job.
I can't wait to see your phonograph for the hearing impaired.
"I know you're excited about being rescued from that island, but isn't this a bit much?"
"Why don't you just get a pair of eyeglasses?"
"Those are some big words, little man."
No, I haven't seen your giant pencil. Maybe you left it at work.
Have you seen an egg in here anywhere?
MRS. MACMANUS: "Declan, I'm tired of telling you this every day: stop writing in that book and come downstairs for dinner!"
"I'm just sayin'. Obamacare don't cover Writer's Cramp."
"For 'A show about nothing,' that sure is one big-ass script."
"It may not be the greatest American novel but it sure as hell is going to be the biggest."
"Shannon Wheeler's on the phone. He said you've had too much coffee."
"I have to hand it to you, Steven. For an illiterate, you've really made something of yourself."
"I know you're plagiarizing; and when they catch you, I hope they throw the book at you."
"I can't find your little sister! She might be UNDER page 38 ... 'Missing Persons'!"
"When you said that you were 'turning over a new leaf,' I didn't think it was going to be such a big deal."
"Lose your place again? That wouldn't happen with a Kindle, you moron."
---blw
“I am big. It’s the pictures that got small . . . unfortunately, the books got hella’ bigger.”
---blw
"'My Back Pages'? Oh, it's bigger than that, honey."
---left coast wayne
I'm answering the ad looking for a proofreader who can bench 350.
"Christ, what a bigass folio."
"What did I tell you about macro-blogging with no pants on?"
"Let's call it 'Faithbook'! Time for dinner Vinklevoss!"
"It's freezing in here so I set the thermostat to 475."
"It's too late. Grandma just croaked."
"So Herschel, how will we sell this giant torah of yours if all the words are backwards?"
So, your last two girlfriends died reading in bed?
"I don't think I'll have the energy if this turns out to be a real page-turner."
"How the hell do you reach the top line of the book?"
"I guess you won't be needing your 'Itty Bitty Book Light'!"
"'Tempur-Pedic'called! They're interested in your somnolent-sleep system!"
"Would you like to see my pro-LOG?"
"Evrolet girl called - she wants her journal back."
I usually get my period about now. Do you have any extra?
"I read the first three chapters last night. I couldn't put it down. I couldn't pick it up, either.
Jim Cavanaugh
"I haven't seen Fluffy for days. What's that smell in here?"
"It would be a lot easier to write this book if I didn't have two bricks in the ass of my pants."
"I meant 'think big' metaphorically."
"I want a divorce."
"Dylan's pulled ahead of the Island Boys, 102-101. I thought you'd like to know."
I'm pregnant and it's the inkman's.
"If they make it into a movie I suppose it will have to be in Imax."
"By any chance, did you graduate from Penn?"
"No. You may not use my ironing board as a bookmark."
"Please tell me that's a suicide note."
“I want to see your appendix on the back of this page.”
"I'm not sure this is the right format in which to convey your dislike of Twitter, Mr Franzen"
"And yet you can't find ten seconds to sign the divorce decree."
"So you know a lot of big words! Big deal!"
"'Kama Sutra' called, they're looking forward to the life-sized second edition!"
"It's called 'The Book of Melvin'. The Mormons have already ordered 3 copies!"
"You turned a dessert tasting into a book."
"You want my two cents? A normal sized book that is interesting and well written would be more likely to get a publisher's attention...If that hurts I'm sorry."
"When you told me that you wanted to be a bookie, I had no idea...."
"I get the whole 'Italian poet in the 13th Century' thing. But... Oh, shit, never mind!"
I know this is a stupid question, but have you seen the invisible ink?
"Book 'im, Danno."
---McGarrett
"Remember! ... 'The Book of Bigfoot' ... Needs large Footnotes!"
"It's a cookbook!" Sombody had to enter it.
Christ Bob, ever since that Medal of Freedom thing, you've been taking yourself sooo seriously.
"I see you've found a way to compensate for your lack of talent."
Did you know that Barack Obama thanked his angry looking white guy drug dealer Ray, in his high school yearbook dedication?
Apparently, neither did alinla .
"AA already has a big book!"
"So this is the new 'Dwarf Tossing Manual'!"
"I thought you married me for my good books."
"You must know of course, this Anti-Caption Cartoon will be judged waaaaaaay before you finish your book!"
No doubt another mastepiece by Alexander Dumbass.
"I'm leaving you, Dan, for a better-drawn cartoon character."
"Now you suck in bold print."
"You've always tried too hard between the sheets."
"Broke a toy I don't annoy, Elle o hey new, Mel a hole llama..."
"I know but Big does me no good if I am not getting any".
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