Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Bonus Anti-Caption Contest

Bob Dylan is shown receiving the Medal of Freedom from President Obama. | AP Photo
Suggest a caption for this photo.


WINNERS





FIRST PLACE
"Bob Dylan is shown receiving the Medal of Freedom from President Obama."--Associated Press (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Granted it probably wasn't entered here by the A.P., but the zen-like simplicity of this, the original caption, gives it an edge. And because it is indisputably weird to have Dylan in the White House getting honored like this, it somehow stands as the perfect Anti-Cap as well. Kudos to who ever had the smarts to submit it.)
SECOND PLACE

Tolling for the aching ones whose wounds cannot be nursed
For the countless confused, accused, misused, strung-out ones and worse
And for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe.
We gaze upon this medal of freedom flashing.--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In addition to a sharp  and highly relevant pun, this cap, perhaps unintentionally, explains why the honor is merited [Bob already has an Oscar, you know]. Dylan has championed the downtrodden including those who are strung-out and hung-up etc.  As evidenced by the stanza selected for this cap, he is a wordsmith of unsurpassed precision. [I mean who rhymes "nursed" with "worse" and "universe?"] Thanks, Augus, for bringing it all back home. )


THIRD PLACE
"Some day, and that day may never come, I would like to call upon you to do me a service in return."--The Don (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Aside from striking a cord with a GF reference, this also has a point. Barry does want Bob to do something for him: Remind everyone he is cool enough to hang with Dylan. )


HONORABLE MENTIONS
Hey Bob, what say we spark some of the Hindu Kush bud I planted in Michelle's "organic garden"?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To which Bob would respond: "It's cool, Mr. O. Brought my own.)  




"And in your own famous words, I'd like to say, 'Numb a dem a non da nime, no anybud id is worth.'"--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The lazy-man's way to mimic Dylan is to simply slur words in a nasal incoherent twang. The lines perverted here are from "All Along the Watchtower." For the record it actually says. "None of them along the line know what any of it is worth." Kind of like you smuck. I know the words off the top of my head because they are as clear as a bell to me.  So there!)  
(whispers) "This nation will never know it was you who led the SEAL team that took out Bin Laden. But I know...and I will never forget." (discreetly wipes tear)--al in la (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes, this is my cap! I am giving myself this minor bit of recognition because I can. First time I've ever done this so I don't want to hear any shit about it.)


"Newly named Secretary of Coolness, Bob Dylan, is honored at White House ceremony."--Jess (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Next, Barry orders a new national anthem: "Subterranean Homesick Blues.")

"Thanks Ray for all the good times."--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This cap, the first one entered, prompted concern here at Anti-Cap HQ that cappers would fixate on the shades or otherwise just mail it in. Did boneguy's simplistic cap portend a crop of low hanging fruit? Would the well intended effort to provide a bonus cap be rewarded with obvious trite jokes about an aging semi-incoherent rock legend getting props from the black Jimmy Carter? Luckily boneguy's approach was not the norm.)

"Well, Obama did promise a-changin'."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Interesting the song referenced specifically notes that it's senators and congressman who should "please heed the call." Dylan's only specific reference to the President is a suggestion that he "must sometimes have to stand naked," but it was penned way before Barry took office, so it's cool.)


Medalinwa--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jim wisely observes that "metal" is one of many words that can not be spelled without "al." "Interstitial" is another.)
"Well, I don't want to brag, but I'm gonna wring your neck
When all else fails I'll make it a matter of self respect"--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good use of latter day Dylan. From "Someday Baby," a standout entry on the terrific 2006 album "Modern Times." Worth noting: That same song notes that "Living this way ain't a natural thing to do." )

"I must have gotten bad information. Someone told me you drank yourself to death at the White Horse Tavern."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A clumsy reference to Dylan Thomas, who actually expired at home [granted a few days after going on a bender at the White Horse]. Not a good cap and not accurate either, but it was from the poet that Dylan took his name. At least Little-Miss-Add-a-Link knew that much.)  
"Before you get all proud of yourself and stuff, just remember that last week I gave this same medal to Johnny Puleo and His Harmonica Gang."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is also pretty bad but there may be some redemption. President Obama's predecessor dished out a metal to George Tenet, the CIA douche who lied us into a catastrophic war. The harmonica ensemble is a far less absurd choice. Maybe that's what Kathy is trying to tell us.)
Obama on Dylan: "There is not a bigger giant in the history American music."--Aaron Copland on Obama: "Fuck you, you puts."
-- 

George Gershwin: "That goes for me double."--jim M  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See below)
Irving Berlin said: "'...not a bigger giant in the history of American music.'? What am I? Chopped liver? I mean, I didn't write God Bless Kenya, y'know?!"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: These two caps seem to take exception to Obama's eloquent -- and completely accurate -- assessment of Dylan. Notice that the President did not say Bob is bigger, better or more handsome that Copland, Gerswin or Berlin. He said, in essence, that the stature of even these important composers does not exceed that of Dylan. If you have an issue with that there is no one more ill-informed than you.)  
We would have gotten this to you decades earlier, but alinla was one of the judges--
boneguy 
 JUDGE'S COMMENT: A cheap shot aimed at speeding up the judging process. I won't be cowed. Besides, is there any great urgency to hear me remind you that you are terrible at this?  







Dylan at 101.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From your mouth to God's ears, brother.) 



104 comments:

boneguy said...

"Thanks Ray for all the good times."

Anonymous said...

"You white poets can't hold Maya Angelou's jockstrap."

holden_c said...

"I'm sorry, Grandma, they told me you died."

Damon said...

"Well, Obama did promise a-changin'."

o'himler said...

"Goddamn Jew."

Anonymous said...

Medalinwa

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

Hey Michelle, who the fuck is this?

Richard H said...

"You're like a Rolling Stone, right?"

Kathy H said...

"Must...resist...urge...to...choke...old...lady...."

The Don said...

"Some day, and that day may never come, I would like to call upon you to do me a service in return."

Anonymous said...

The only answer to your wind blowing is to cut down on the baked beans. Good day. sir!

Dr Sumguy said...

Bob Dylan receiving the 'Presidential Medial of Freedom' in the White House Basement, for coming in 1st and 3rd in the 'Fuck a Chicken Contest'!

Anonymous said...

It turns out not only was I not born in America, but my dad here is white and my mother was black.

Dr Sumguy said...

"And with this medal, you will receive free admission to our National Parks, a coveted parking spot next to Air Force One, and free gasoline at any non Mormon Shell Station!"

Dr Sumguy said...

Receiving Medal ... Backround music 'Po' Boy lyric.

NJ-to-TX said...

He went to Jared!

NJ-to-TX said...

"I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When he bent down to wipe the urine off my shoe
Tangled up in blue."

smuck said...

"And in your own famous words, I'd like to say, 'Numb a dem a non da nime, no anybud id is worth.'"

Anonymous said...

Hey Bob, what say we spark some of the Hindu Kush bud I planted in Michelle's "organic garden"?

JohnnyB said...

Bob Dylan posthumously receives the 'Presidential Medial of Freedom'

smuck said...

"Look, Bob. I'm not the Queen of England and I can't dub thee anything. I just give out medals."

JohnnyB said...

He Ain't Talkin' but it's always been Bob Dylan's Dream to receive the Masters of War degree.

JohnnyB said...

That whole Forever Young thing did not work out for Bob.

boneguy said...

In another life man, I swear, we would make the cutest gay couple, EVER!

Anonymous said...

I admit, I'm a little vague on your identity, but my kids have NO fucking idea who you are.

boneguy said...

Could you tell Jakob to crank up the hit machine?
Let's face it, it's been a while.

Tim H said...

"Days before my fourth birthday I saw you go electric at the Newport Folk Festival. I just got over that horrible experience last week."

Lupus Blitzkrieg said...

In front of a yellow drape with decidedly Arabic markings, Kenya's favorite son simultaneously chokes and BFs one of the infidels' national treasures

Dr Sumguy said...

WARNING ... Excessive use of 'Miracle Grow'for baldness, may cause blindness!

Tim H said...

"Bob, when it comes to listening to your music, I'm all ears."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Fuck the medal! This is your 'Brain on Drugs'"!

Kathy H said...

"Before you get all proud of yourself and stuff, just remember that last week I gave this same medal to Johnny Puleo and His Harmonica Gang."

JohnnyB said...

Shut up, Bob, everybody knows your medal is a clip on.

. said...

(whispers) "This nation will never know it was you who led the SEAL team that took out Bin Laden. But I know...and I will never forget." (discreetly wipes tear)

Dr Sumguy said...

Bob Dylan is shown receiving the 'Ophthalmic Health Medal of Honor' following his bilateral 'Raccoon Eye Implants'!

Anonymous said...

"If John Lennon were still alive, believe me , you wouldn't be getting this."

Anonymous said...

"Now insert tab 'A' into tab 'B'."

Dex said...

"Meh."

Anonymous said...

"Sorry, Mr. Dylan."

The singer, songwriter receiving a presidential pardon for Folsom Prison Blues.

Dr Sumguy said...

B.D. receiving a 'Scream Award', for his role in 'Men in Black Eyes'!

NJ-to-TX said...

"Well, I don't want to brag, but I'm gonna wring your neck
When all else fails I'll make it a matter of self respect"

Anonymouse said...

"By the way, Bobby Z., say 'Hi' to your brother Jay for me."

Satireguy said...

He not busy born is busy dying. Oh, Christ, he's dead!

Satireguy said...

He not busy being born is busy dying. Oh, Christ, he's dead!

That's Mr. Tambourine Man to you said...

"What?! You're not Keith Richards? But you look like a Rolling Stone."

She's Got Mettle said...

"What?! You're not Betty White?"

Anonymous said...

Malia wants to know the name of your boy band.

Anonymous said...

It was nice of Madame Tussaud to loan you out.

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

We would have gotten this to you decades earlier, but alinla
was one of the judges.

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"It's the Traveling Will Barry Obamas."

NJ-to-TX said...

You may be the leader of the free world
Or be an old psedo-poet who looks like a girl

But you're gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed
You're gonna have to serve somebody.

Dr Sumguy said...

Obama removing the 'Medal of Honor' from the deceased Bob Dylan!

Anonymous said...

"Hold still, dammit."

Dr Sumguy said...

Lady Gaga receiving the most 'Outrageous Costume' award!

Anonymous said...

"If I find out you're related to George Zimmerman I'm taking this fucker back."

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"We finally found a pal for Bo."

REX said...

As for you, my fine friend -- you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But! They have one thing that you haven't got! A medal! Therefore -- for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross.

Anonymous said...

"My precious."

Shelly said...

"As head of the executive branch, I'm also chief of the fashion police. So next time hitch up your lederhosen suspenders INSIDE your tux jacket."

Kathy H said...

"I must have gotten bad information. Someone told me you drank yourself to death at the White Horse Tavern."

cubshlub said...

Michelle, get me the Rid NOW!

cubshlub said...

I'm a Muslim president giving a Jew a medal that's the same color as the gay teletubby. Is this a great country or what?

boneguy said...

You are a master of disguise, Reverend Wright.

Luhv U. Laangtymme said...

During the opening ceremony of the First Annual Asphyxiophiliac Summer Games, Bob and Barack wowed the crowd with a demonstration of the erotic pole vault, for which Bob won honorary gold.

Name Withheld said...

"I promised change and support of gay marriage. I'm a-changin' my name to Barack O'Bobba. May I announce you publicly as my running mate-slash-playmate?"

"C'mon, baby, light my menorah."

Dust Thou Art said...

Barack considered leaving Michelle for the newly emasculated Dr. Ruth, but thought better of it. Besides, for the good doctor, post-coital now meant anything occurring within the past 30 years.

Satireguy said...

Obama prepares to have a three-way with an elderly, gray-haired couple.

Anonymous said...

Obamacare Death Panel in action . . .


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Dammit, Michelle, don't let his guide dog piss on the carpet!"


---left coast wayne

Associated Press said...

"Bob Dylan is shown receiving the Medal of Freedom from President Obama."

Kathy H said...

"Bob, ever think of giving one of them hologram concerts?"

Anonymous said...

Stick a fork in him.............

Anonymous said...

People! Let's hold off on the captions till the autopsy results are in.

NJ-to-TX said...

♪♫ And I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can
Keep track of visions in my eyes ♪♫

NJ-to-TX said...

of Johanna

(I'd) Just Like a Woman said...

"Look, Bob! There's alinla!"

"Who?"

Lincoln's Bed Bug said...

"I'm a little short on Secret Service agents, so thanks for volunteering."

Anonymous said...

"I can't believe I'm selling out like this just to get the 60/60 vote."

Anonymous said...

"We could use you as Speaker of the House, Bob."

Anonymous said...

"It's a medic alert necklace inside a medal of freedom wrapped around a washed up icon."

Anonymouse said...

"Man, you're my musical hero! But, of course, I'm the one who just said that there was 'not a bigger giant in the history of American music.' So, what do I know?"

JM said...

"Hey! There's John Candy."

boneguy said...

Hey Bob, how about this? A black President from Kenya decorating a Jew from Hibbing. Who says my plan ain't working?

Anonymous said...

Sean Penn as Bob Dylan in Dead Man Walking.

Said by Either said...

You're lucky Soros likes you

Jess said...

"Newly named Secretary of Coolness, Bob Dylan, is honored at White House ceremony.

Dr Sumguy said...

'The Cape Cod Bear', overwhelmed by his White House Invite, receiving the 'Cranberry Bog Tiffany Cross'!

NJ-to-TX said...

"Gee, your hair smells terrific."

jim M said...

Obama on Dylan: "There is not a bigger giant in the history American music."

Aaron Copland on Obama: "Fuck you, you putz."

George Gershwin: "That goes for me double."

Anonymous said...

"We had a special meal brought in for you from Maggie's Farm."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"What's on the B side, Mr. President?"

Angus Podgorny said...

"And the award for best John Prine disguise goes to ... Kurt Vonnegut!"

Satireguy said...

"And this medal will give you the power to write comprehensible lyrics."

Anonymouse said...

Irving Berlin said: "'...not a bigger giant in the history of American music.'? What am I? Chopped liver? I mean, I didn't write God Bless Kenya, y'know?!"

Angus Podgorny said...

Tolling for the aching ones whose wounds cannot be nursed
For the countless confused, accused, misused, strung-out ones and worse
And for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe
We gaze upon this medal of freedom flashing.

NAMBY said...

"Hold still Bob, I'm trying to nail down al in la's vote...and by the way, what's with the buckles?"

Dr Sumguy said...

Alinla's lame caption would have been a placer in #335.

Kathy H said...

"Will you stand still! I'm late for my meeting with my national security advisor, Betty White."

Tim H said...

"...psst...Barack. Dump Biden, take me."

Ish Kabibble said...

"Here's the goddamned 100th comment. Now, what do I win?!"

Anonymous said...

Dylan at 101.

Satireguy said...

"I hereby award you the Kenyan Medal of Freedom."

icaptionthat said...

Hiiiii......its a nice blog,keep posting

Charlie Rizzo said...

Tolling for the aching ones whose wounds cannot be nursed For the countless confused, accused, misused, strung-out ones and worse And for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe We gaze upon this medal of freedom flashing.

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