Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #312
NOTE: Just as I was trying to play catch up with the contest. a wind storm ripped through the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains, which is where Mrs. al in la and I live. The local news says it had the punch of a Category 4 hurricane. Worst one of these in 20 years. Gusts of over 100 mph sent debris flying. claimed countless trees and snapped utility poles like tinder. When the winds peaked in the middle of the night the sound was as fierce as a jet plane. We could hear our 50-year old home grown like it was under attack. We lost power for about two days and lost a bunch of food. Now it looks like we were nuked. Toppled lumber is everywhere, traffic is a mess and the sound of chain saws is a constant. Clean up will take weeks. It will take many decades for the foliage to completely return.
None of this is meant to explain why I've been dragging my feet with the anti-cap results for the past few weeks. I am trying to pick up the pace while there are still a few people doing it, It's just that the last couple of days I have had a really good excuse.
FIRST PLACE Showering with cubs? Fuckin' nittany lion." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is slightly ironic. If the ex-coach/alleged child-rapist does end up in prison, it will be a lot like throwing him into the cage here--only with a whole bunch of pissed-off lions.)
"That's right . . . things have changed. Now it's all hippos in the living room, opposing armies massing on the front lawn, roller coaster rides . . . and don't think wearing this tie is any picnic."---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We should give props to LCW for reminding us of contests past. Here's my nod to a classic cap: "On the subway, no one knows you're a predator.")
THIRD PLACE "When Sonny Bono died, did Cher receive the lions share, or did she share and Cher alike with Chasity---and buy her a belt! I'm confused, is this the "Worst Paragraph Ever Written Contest"?" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's caps like this that generate my level of enthusiasm. Nuff said.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS "Assimilatey, you crazy bastard! How are you?" --Dom (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The lion in the suit is saying that? He's the Uncle Tom-Cat.)
"I'm going to fight for you. Crooked judge or no crooked judge, good or bad jury, I'll show them. I may not win, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you to do.""What's that?""Talk me out of it!" --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure we smile about it now, but the showdown at the witch's castle could have easily gone the other way. That's something that is never discussed)
I tell ya, Frank, that wizard gave me courage and it's been nothing but pussy ever since! --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A gentle-lion wouldn't brag about it. And why Frank? Why not Leo?)
Sooooooooooooooooo- how's that"Hakuna matata" thing working for you? --BLONDE (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That's a Swahili phrase that is literally translated as "There are no worries." It tells us with freedom comes anixety--or something. )
"Listen. Society will look upon you as a hero if you'll just come out and say it,'I ate alinla.'"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Funny thing: When I read this, the words "eat me" came to mind.)
"They call me alionla."--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I kind of like it.)
"I promise you, there will be no contest winners until I get you out of there!"---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He hired one of his own. That's understandable. But lawyer-wise he'd be better off with a pitbull, a vulture or, of course, a shark. That's just the way the system works.)