Monday, November 14, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #311


WINNERSFIRST PLACE"Elephants are just so cliché, you stupid idiom." --Sarah (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Seems a long way to go to make a point. Slightly highbrow yet dumb and confusing. We wonder why she is so angry and why she went to so much effort to make a point. Truth is, the expression "Hippopotamus in the room" never caught on."
SECOND PLACE[Hippo, thinking...]"How the hell did these people get in my house?!" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may be a metaphor for the destruction of natural preserves--otherwise it sucks. Hippos seldom have furniture suitable for humans. )
THIRD PLACE"Does my ass STILL look big?"---Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It does, but not AS big. This reminds us that body image is all relative. )



HONORABLE MENTIONS
"According to Adopt a Pet, she's a gay vageterian!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not to be a hippo-crite but tell us which happens first, Doc, she eats a sausage sandwich or you win a spelling bee? )

Honestly Malcolm, I preferred it when you cross dressed. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You're allowed to have more than one fetish--that's in the constitution someplace.)
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, honey. He’s been so unresponsive ever since Contest #309.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe he is busy. Even a big fat hippo can be busy, you know!)
al's father must have died again...... --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He didn't die. He left. That's the best way I can explain it. Never mistake motion for progress. )

82 comments:

Rich Lather said...

"Who invited your mom over?"

Sam Antic said...

"Hip ottoman, Honey!"

Sarah said...

"Elephants are just so cliché, you stupid idiom."

Shelly said...

"Does my ass STILL look big?"

"Those corn plants he devoured were full of roughage- keep watch back there for what happens next..."

Anonymous said...

"Why the long face, Fido?"


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"You tend the crops. I'll take Monogamous for a walk. Where's the harness?

Dr Sumguy said...

"According to Adopt a Pet, she's a gay vageterian!"

Suzanna L. said...

"Able to drink your beer, but no mouth to address the other pachyderm in the room."

Kathy H said...

"Alls I'm saying is that that ain't no hippie and this ain't no Haight-Ashbury."

Damon said...

"Stop waiting for it to fall and just pull it out of there, Harold. It can't use toilet paper."

Mike Mariano said...

"Because I like hippos."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's taken the Hippocraitic Oath. He won't pass gas on yom kippur!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's taken the Hippocraitic Oath. He won't pass gas on yom kippur!"

Blonde said...

They ran out of elephants!!!

Glenn said...

"No, I was talking about the rhinoceros in the room. And how the hell are we supposed to sell that one's horn when he doesn't even have... oh, that horn.

Satireguy said...

Although the elephant in the room had finally been addressed, Ed and Joyce now had a new problem.

Ken said...

So THIS is your alternative to the ban on elephant footstools?

Anonymouse said...

"Y'know, for a hippopotamus, he's a pretty handsome fella."

Tim H said...

"Smart money says that we should rent out his sides for ad space."

Kathy H said...

"Y'know, that Jada Pinkett Smith has really let herself go."

Blonde said...

"OK- I'll walk him, if you paper train him -"

Blonde said...

"OK, we can keep him but ONLY if he sleeps on your side of the bed."

Blonde said...

"Told ya that owning a pet was a huge responsibility."

Damon said...

"You're always hungry, and you eat white balls when your ass gets slammed. Also, I hate your pet hippo."

Sue said...

"Hey Hippo, get the fuck out of my house!"

Terry Thompson-Stipe said...

"Don't go back to Zanesville,
Don't go back to Zanesville,
Don't go back to Zanesville,
and waste another year."

Grandma said...

"Hey, Honey, you up for trying to fuck a hippopotamus?

Damon said...

"I like it when we watch Oprah together."

boneguy said...

Honestly Malcolm, I preferred it when you cross dressed.

Anonymous said...

"Oh, yeah, you're all about Pet Rescue until we actually get one. You're such a hippocrit."


---blw

Damon said...

"I'm a hippo. I ate this couple's Mercedes, then left a trail of metallic diarrhea from the kitchen to the living room. And, if they named their own insurance price, they might not be protected from mayhem - like me."

Tim H said...

"...and I think that the funniest thing Bil Keane ever did was get reincarnated as a hippo."

AW said...

"Your bad hearing always gets us in trouble, Howard. It was a song, on the radio. I didn't want a hippopotamus for Christmas."

JTK (retired) said...

"You and your annoying 'blah-blah-blah' divorce bullshit. Eat me! Haven't you noticed that the Dilithium-Crystal Douche just beamed a hippo into our living room."

Anonymous said...

"You'd remember how she got here if your hippocampus hadn't been removed."

Ginger Tom said...

"Hippducken sounds great for Thanksgiving, Dear."

holden_c said...

This beer's empty. Get your fat ass into the kitchen and get me another.

Utellme said...

Come sit over here, Doris. It's aMAZing what she can do with her va-jay-jay!

Glenn said...

"You've got that Jerry Sandusky look on your face. Start the shower, and I'm out of here."

Anonymous said...

"You already new I had Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, Bartholomew."

Anonymouse said...

[Hippo, thinking...]
"How the hell did these people get in my house?!"

Kathy H said...

Humphrey the Hippo moments before the attack...

Satireguy said...

"I told you not to buy off the Internet but, no, you wouldn't listen."

Damon said...

"I don't always eat people. But, when I do, I prefer dos waspys."

Tim H said...

"Damn that pooper-scooper law!"

boneguy said...

Don't tell me you traded in our perfectly good 1997 Water Buffalo?

Anonymous said...

What's for dinner? I'm hungry hungry.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"It fucks up the feng shui."

Jim Cavanaugh

Dex said...

"Christ, what an ungulate!"

Satireguy said...

Fred wanted a big-screen TV and Enid wanted a new coffee table so they compromised.

Anonymouse said...

...but, if we cook the stuffing outside the hippo, it should take a lot less time, right?"

boneguy said...

OK I admit it, watching Animal Plant on your new holographic TV is kinda cool.

Dr Sumguy said...

"TANK! Sit! Rollover! Play alive!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He was advertised as a pygmy by Andy's Pet Store. What hippocrites!"

Anonymous said...

"Oh-oh. He left a little Dd over there in the corner, honey. It's your turn to clean it up."


---blw

Austin said...

Jim Hensen, Jim Hensen's last creation, and Jim Hensen's taxidermist.

Kathy H said...

"Tim Gunn says that 'hippo' is the new 'black' this season."

Tim H said...

""He says he's part of the Occupy Your Living Room movement."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Wer'e going to need a larger apartment, although Kirstie Alley has shown an adoptive interest!"

Steve_O said...

"Of course I know what that is! By 'elephant in the room' I meant your struggle with impotence."

AW said...

"Stop whining, Janice. The couch is just the right size for him. We'll buy you a new chair tomorrow."

Anonymous said...

al's father must have died again......

Dr Sumguy said...

"This is really going to put a dent in our weekly mahjong game!"

Anonymous said...

"Coffee table, my ass. It's another one of your damn PETA projects, isn't it???"


---left coast wayne

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Wednesday is hump day, honey."

Lascaux said...

"It took billions of years to create, a minute or two to draw, and a week of mindless contemplation in order to win an accolade. That's how far we've come, Henry -- we now put captions on cave art."

Reachy McReachreach said...

if Timothy leary and a fired radio DJ shared a Prop 215 prescription would that be a hippo(singular for hippie)
pot
Imus?
ps has anyone heard from Dom Estever?

Lanny Midden said...

I really miss cable!

Dex said...

"His 'blood sweat' is bringing me to tears."

Anonymous said...

"I'm afraid he's here to stay. He's terrified to take the subway anymore with those damn 'gators every time you turn around . . . and, pleeeze, don't even ask about the roller coaster."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, honey. He’s been so unresponsive ever since Contest #309.”


---blw

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"They needed a mascot for Occupy Wallow Street."

Anonymous said...

"Coffee tables keep him up at night."

Anonymous said...

"al, at disneyland, let's party!" Woohoo

Anonymous said...

“OK, you rescued him from a Hippo Mill . . . now what do we do with him?”


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Don't judge me!"

Richard H said...

"My farts don't seem quite as bad now, do they?"

Utellme said...

"Gadzooks! It's swallowed Johnny B! Open its mouth and tell me if you see anything; his anti-caps are spewing out on this end."

Anonymous said...

“Now is when I wish I had one of thos ubiquitous lifeguards from the earlier cartoons.”


---blw

Utellme said...

The elephant in the room had been laid off in the economic downturn and replaced by an underqualified temp.

Anonymous said...

"Who farted?"

Anonymouse said...

"Honey, I think the lease is up on our hippo."

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.