WINNERSFIRST PLACE
Helen Keller was always easy to find in post-ride reaction photos.--Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Remarkably, this is our first Helen Keller cap. Long over due but if it really was her, she's be screaming her hands off.)
SECOND PLACE
"Propofol? Oh, this ride is gonna be a thriller!"--Glenn. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical yet depressing. Michael Jackson took surgical anesthesia the way most people take Tylenol PM. That's why he's dead and his doctor is in jail. Once again Glenn is more asstute than funny.)
THIRD PLACE
"This is awesome, honey! Thanks for dying!" --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: She's probably glad to be done with this asshole which makes her...wait for it...The Grateful Dead.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Tom often liked to take his dead wife with him on roller coaster rides. --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here's how this could be funnier: He strapped her lifeless body into the passenger seat so he could cruise in the HOV lane. A slightly edgy narrative cap that missed the mark.)
"The hours here are a scream!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The Devine Ms. H keeps a classic alive even though we can't help but notice that she's not screaming.)
"The G forces here are extreme." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay then. thanks.)
“While riding on a train goin’ west, I fell asleep for to take my rest . . . jeez, will you guys please pipe down a bit!”---Bobby Z (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Even better: While riding on a roller coaster goin' south, the woman I was with shut her eyes and her mouth...)
"Do you realize that Graham Wilson did this entire cartoon without lifting his pen from the page once?" --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice catch Dave but how, then, did he ultimately remove the pen from the page?)
"I got fries on uvura" --Li Po (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't really understand this but it's a nod to an Anti-Cap from some time ago. That much I know.)
Yikes! There's a giant lizard behind us!--Jim Cavanaugh My condolences to you, al. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A lame cap from a warm hearted guy. )
One out six doctors agree, take lorazepam before any roller coaster ride. [Condolences to you, Al, and to your whole family. Your dad sounded like a great guy, who had a great son.] --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An obvious reference to my brother, also gone. Thanks. And also thanks to Utellme, Angus Podgorny, blw and everyone else you offered sympathies on Al Senior's passing.)
65 comments:
"goodbye selsun blue; hello denorex"
"The G forces here are extreme."
"Do you mind if I puke in your face? [blllarhrbguughhhnnngughh]"
One out six doctors agree, take lorazepam before any roller coaster ride.
[Condolences to you, Al, and to your whole family. Your dad sounded like a great guy, who had a great son.]
"This is awesome, honey! Thanks for dying!"
Tom often liked to take his dead wife with him on roller coaster rides.
"Wake up! Your hair's on fire!"
"Whee!!...should get a divorce."
"Rollercoaster!...Say Whaaaaat!?"
"What a hand job!"
"Sarah, I've always admired your composure, your understated elegance, and the tactful authority you exude. What I'm trying to say is... Will you marr.... [blllarhrbguughhhnnngughh]"
The Loud Family at play.
"GAHAAANNNN!!"
Apparently, NYC's Second Avenue subway is not quite ready.
Apparently, Ruth Madoff is oblivious to everything.
"Do you realize that Graham Wilson did this entire cartoon without lifting his pen from the page once?"
"I guess the 1% doesn't feel the need to scream."
"It's a good thing neither of us has legs, or else we'd have never fit in this seat."
Weekend with Bernice.
Yikes! There's a giant lizard behind us!
Jim Cavanaugh
My condolences to you, al.
"You didn't tell me this was Pelham one two three!"
"Dammit, Judy, you always ruin our pictures by closing your eyes."
"Dammit, Judy, you always ruin our pictures by closing your eyes."
"Oh come on, nothing's more terrifying than seeing two alligators on the subway. Not even a rickety old Coney Island roller coaster. Unless we get mugged, I don't want to hear you complaining this wasn't exciting enough for you."
"These Graham Wilcox cartoons suck!"
"Propofol? Oh, this ride is gonna be a thriller!"
Honey , closing your eyes won't make that giant carnivorous lizard stop chasing our train. You stupid Yutz!
"The hours here are a scream!"
I said, "Next time let's take the bus to Poughkeepsie."
Oh, no! I think Karl told me to give slip her the date rape pill just before I take her home!
"We've been stuck here for 5 hours! Would it kill you to yell for help?!"
"Hey, you're not playing fair. You're already dead."
---blw
"It's a good thing there are no blllarhrbguughhhnnngughh people here to see this."
“OK, you win. Alligators on the subway is much more frightening than this.”
---blw
“OK, you’re right. I suppose a little foreplay beforehand would probably make this a little more exciting for you.”
---left coast wayne
"Hon, this is just like our sex. I go up and down, in an out of tunnels, and scream, while you just sit there, nary a peep or whimper, eyes closed, wondering how all the people lined up for the next ride are going to enjoy it. Oh, and....blllarhrbguughhhnnngughh!
" Difficult cartoon. Return to sender."
“While riding on a train goin’ west, I fell asleep for to take my rest . . . jeez, will you guys please pipe down a bit!”
---Bobby Z
"You misheard me - it's the Tunnel of Courtney Love ride. Open your eyes! This is the part where she found Kurt!"
Annie, are you even aware Alvy Singer grew up under this roller coaster?
"That was a scene from Valium Girl, one of five new movies we'll be reviewing this week on Two Drug Addicts At the Movies."
"I feel like a sardine - except the can had a hole in it on your side so when they opened the can, you had rotted."
"I can tolerate the g forces, but you brought our son onto this ride last month. Now all he can say is `uh ohh - doody'."
"Well, those guys in Denver took their buddy out. I thought you might like it."
"I SAID, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT ON AN AIRPLANE STUCK ON A TARMAC FOR 7 HOURS!!"
Auditions for Scream 5.
"I'm so sorry no one held you when you were a baby."
“It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry . . . but then, you wouldn’t know about that, would you?”
---Bobby Z
"I got fries on uvura"
"O Sole Mio."
Helen Keller was always easy to find in post-ride reaction photos.
I want to offer my sincere condolences to you, alinla. I watched the video you'd posted of you with your father in Florida. It was apparent that he was enjoying and appreciating the time you spent together. I'll bet he is looking down from some lofty place and saying, "Thank you, Son."
"So maybe we're stuck up, but we're not stuck up like you."
Al-
I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you.
"I'm getting so tired of your ennui-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"Your seat doesn't have exposed razor blades?"
"C'mon, just this once. Open your mouth and say 'AHHHHGGG'. It's OK, I'm a doctor."
---left coast wayne
Condolences to you and your family, alinla . . .
---blw
“Honey, did you ever stop and think that your neurosis is caused by the repressed pain of childhood trauma? This repressed pain can be sequentially brought to conscious awareness and resolved through re-experiencing the incident and fully expressing the resulting pain during therapy. That’s why I’ve brought you here today, dear . . . you see, it’s working for everybody else. Go ahead, honey . . . GIVE IT A SCREAM!!!”
---Dr. Arthur Janov
"Hey everybody, look! The ever-flat Tilda Swinton is having a rollercoaster-induced orgasm"
When usurped at work by a set of twin neanderthals, the Geico gecko decided to end it all by taking a flying leap from Batman: The Ride at its highest point.
Had he known beforehand that the twins' new sitcom would fail miserably due to being an extremely bad idea, he might have changed his mind and lived to fulfill his dream of becoming a police officer.
"I didn't stand in line for over an hour just to watch you tweet!"
"Sorry, even the regular winners here who have proven themselves time and again are limited to only 5 screamers per contest. Let's see if anyone cites the paucity of entries."
"Does this ride ever end?!"
"OK, you've made your point! I understand!!! You wish you were back sitting on the sofa in the living room . . . but who knows what might await us there??? Soldiers, squaring off, armed to the teeth . . . hippopotami, larger than coffee tables . . . it's all too much, I could just scream . . . oh, god, I wish this contest would end!!!"
---left coast wayne
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