Monday, October 24, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #308


Note: After looking at this stupid cartoon for far too long I finally got it: The two guys are in some kind of slacker paradise where you just sit around all day and eat doughnuts the size of car tires. You can't see it in the image but on the other side of the cave is a big screen TV [you have to admit they look like they're watching a game or something.]


In fact it might not be a cave. It's someone's den done in rustic tones. I'll bet there's a pool table, a kick ass sound system and cold beer on tap. And of course both these guy are stoned off their asses. That why there's eating doughnuts. They could call the movement Occupy Space. Just a random thought.
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE.
After hunting the O to extinction, Omagnonman would soon follow --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A narrative cap that somehow manages to be both stupid and deep. The very nourishment that sustained him brought about his demise. Keith Moon and countless others come to mind. This gives pause for reflection but even so, the letter O is alive and well so it makes no sense. It wins because it's half way decent and may possibly be a dig at Oprah's crappy magazine.)


SECOND PLACE

"I can't believe I ate that hole thing." --Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice little pun that recalls an old Alkaselter commercial. This also has a philosophical element and a hint of irony. Many a drunk has awakened to say the same thing. )


THIRD PLACE

"These awe wheelie wheelie dewicious." --One Milwion Yeaws B.C (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Empty calories if you ask me.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Some cream cheese would be nice." --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sometimes the most obvious observations are as dull as dish water. While this proves the point it is slightly funny if you hear it said in a female voice that has a Jewish inflexion. Try it you'll see.)
"I don't think Trog said, 'Let's eat.'. He said something about having invented the toiLET SEAT." --Bob Fossil (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And that was some feat. Bob entered this twice with each entry coming many hours a apart. This leads me to believe he is either battling demons we can't begin to understand or is a prolific stoner. Either way )
How does it feelHow does it feelThat I should have knownNot to
marry JoanWhose beard has grownAnd feeds me rolling stones? --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can almost hear Al Cooper's haunting organ riff right after that last word. And yes, the song resonates like a bell. Dylan actually rhymes "juiced in it" with "used to it." He is a genius is all I'm saying.)
"Is this the wheel life?Is this just fantasy?Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This song came on the radio today I smiled. Freddie was also a genius--but in a different way than Dylan.)

“They’ll stone you at the breakfast table, they’ll stone you when you’re young and able. But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned. (BURP)”---The Hibbing Harbinger (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The cavemen are not really getting stoned and if you do decide to get stoned at the breakfast table there's a good chance you'll just crawl back into bed and sleep til noon. I think I read that someplace. That's how I know.)
Early man quickly realized the dangers of eating the consonants of HOLLYWOOD signs, settling into a steady diet of O's, although it would be thousands of years before they would come to realize that Y had functioned as a vowel. --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So I guess intellectually they had a vowel movement. And by the way, genius, there is only one HOLLYWOOD sign and having seen it many times, I can tell you it inspires no awe.)Nice of Noah to leave this 40 day old bagels behind wasn't it Harry? (note to Al- like they always say third time's a charm..) --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Remarkable the author of this mildly amusing cap post it thrice before declaring it up to snuff . There is in fact an eatery chain called Noah's Bagels and there's a tale about a ark skipper by the same name. So this gets props. Harry was once a co-judge of this contest but he left when something better came along. That will never happen to me.)

our meal, our existence, this contest -- all pointless. --tp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Comrade, such talk is dangerous!)
"Your wife cooks circles around my wife.""That's because you're married to alinla. Where is he, by the way?""I dunno'. By the time he judges Contest #307, our marriage will be legal in 14 states." --Bob Fossil (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A long way to go to take a poke at me for being slow with the goods. But why do you fancy me someone's wife? I'm an accommodating guy but I think I 'd rather pitch than catch.)
When you're done there we really ought to go look for alinlabrea.-- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I am touched that my absence caused even a mild stir. As it happens, for most of the first five years that I lived here, I was only a block from the LaBrea Tar Pits. a smelly and overrated little park . But don't look for me there. I didn't even go when I was nearby.)

100 comments:

One Milwion Yeaws B.C. said...

"These awe wheelie wheelie dewicious."

LaTrina said...

"Cromagjew full!"

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Your wife sure has nice wheels."

Richard H said...

"I'm pregnant."

U.V. Protekshun said...

"What on earth made me buy these BluBlockers off that black guy?"

Utellme said...

How does it feel
How does it feel
That I should have known
Not to marry Joan
Whose beard has grown
And feeds me rolling stones?

Anonymous said...

"Is this the wheel life?
Is this just fantasy?
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me"

Anonymous said...

"Bummer. We have to eat these for 2 straight weeks."

Utellme said...

"Ol' Brokeback got us good, don't it?"

Utellme said...

"Had you gone on that quest for fire like you promised, we'd be eating these baked."

Utellme said...

"I wish I knew how to quit you."

Shelly said...

"I can't believe I ate that hole thing."

Shelly said...

"Hey, finish chewing before our next caller Tommy. 'Hello, and welcome to Cah Talk.'"

Damon said...

"Papa, don't preach."

Damon said...

"Sharing a big O with you was fun. But I'm not gonna taste your P."

Tim H said...

"Y'know after 4-5 of these things, it's getting kinda old."

Anonymouse said...

"O.K. Now it's your turn. Invent Vanna White."

Kathy H said...

"I shall call it The iPhone."

Damon said...

"My breath still stinks."

boneguy said...

Hurry up and finish so I post an ad on Cromagnumlist for four on the floor.

Anonymous said...

I gotta cut back a little, I'm getting a spare tire.

Jim Cavanaugh

Dr Sumguy said...

"I can't believe I only ate half a zero, and I'm totally stuffed! Any Coke Zero left in the icebox?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Tomorrow I'm going to try the run flat!"

Glenn said...

"Grek mmmhk krspe krme!"

Tim H said...

"Nah. I still say that H&H Bagels® are like no other bagel in the world."

LR said...

"Who's holding auditions for a car insurance commercial? Tell 'em to (burp) fuck off!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I prefer the South Beach Diet!"

Damon said...

"Grog's abortion pills always work. The kicking will stop once you finish it all."

Dr Sumguy said...

"After dinner. Drinks at the Rift?"

Anonymous said...

I'm sick of this shit. I wish we could come up with any easy way to get to the hunting grounds.

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

Speaking of skanks, have you seen
Lucy?

Angus Podgorny said...

"Our shits are going to be really pebbly tomorrow."

Angus Podgorny said...

"Fuck it. No matter how many of these frosted donuts we eat, we'll never be more than six inches tall."

Richard H said...

"Some cream cheese would be nice."

Angus Podgorny said...

"What ever happened to Robert Bly, anyway?"

Dex said...

"A great idea, sure, but I'm no Einstein."

NAMBY said...

Cavemen cops

Sumotherguy said...

"I feel a Brick Shit a coming!"

Sumotherguy said...

"These things kinda look like your flu shot. Let's call them Wheals!"

Genl. Mills said...

"Somehow, I feel Cheery."

Anonymouse said...

"And I keep telling you that they're not eyeglasses. They're pince-nez!"

Journey's Greatest Hits said...

"Ooh. The wheel in this guy keeps on burning."

Austin said...

Granite they're filling, but they could use a little basalt.

Austin said...

I swear if you don't start chewing with your mouth closed I'm going to make sure you wind up as an exhibit in the British Museum one day.

boneguy said...

Great idea coming to Olduvai to gorge. If you'll excuse me I have to take a Leakey.

R. Stewart said...

"Org, your crispy cream give Roq tummy ache."

BLONDE said...

Nice of Noah to leave this 40 day old day old bagels behind wasn't it Harry?

Blonde said...

Nice of Noah to leave this 40 day old day bagels behind wasn't it Harry?

Blonde said...

Nice of Noah to leave this 40 day old bagels behind wasn't it Harry? (note to Al- like they always say third time's a charm..)

Kathy H said...

"Once I'm done here, I'm going to wolf down those huge Hershey's Kisses® out there."

cta said...

"Yum. These rolls are delicious."

Where Is Johnny B? said...

"Sure were pretty purple flowers you put in your latest batch of magic wheels. Think we can trade some for one of those high brow chicks on the other side of the valley?"

Satireguy said...

"Don't reinvent the bagel, I said, but would you listen?"

Glenn said...

"But if we wipe out all the sauropods, how will we get more of their tasty cock rings?"

A. Reach said...

"Leave me alone! There's no way I could have another circle, jerk."

Dex said...

"Hey Beavis, huh huh huh, you said 'Tetons'"

AW said...

"Sunglasses, donuts. Now if we could only invent a way to get around, we'd get a lot of chicks."

Bill & Ted: The Prequel said...

"When the director yelled "Cut!", he didn't mean for you to FART, Keanu."

Bill and Ted said...

That was supposed to read "Bill & Ted: The Prequel".

Your Cousin the Chimp said...

"This meal reminds me of your wife."

"Homwrwk sbzojr?"

"She takes it in all holes."

AW said...

An archival photo from a Beatles TV sitcom pilot that never aired.

Bob Fossil said...

"How'd you know woolly mammoths wore candy necklaces?"

Utellme said...

"When we're done, let's visit the Tar Pits."

Bob Fossil said...

"I don't think Trog said, 'Let's eat.'. He said something about having invented the toiLET SEAT."

Tim H said...

"Alls I'm saying is that we could keep these things from rolling in here if we just put a door on the entrance."

Glenn said...

Early man quickly realized the dangers of eating the consonants of HOLLYWOOD signs, settling into a steady diet of O's, although it would be thousands of years before they would come to realize that Y had functioned as a vowel.

cta said...

"You sure you and the wife don't mind having me for supper? I kinda feel like a third wheel..."

cta said...

"Apparently, the way these things taste is the only thing funny about this cartoon."

Slee Stak said...

"Corg, I welcome you to the rock roll hall of famished."

Anonymous said...

"You know, if we eat all of these, someone's gonna' have to reinvent the wheel."


---blw

Anonymous said...

“They’ll stone you at the breakfast table, they’ll stone you when you’re young and able. But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned. (BURP)”


---The Hibbing Harbinger

Anonymous said...

"'Go with the Goodness of Cheerios'??? You know sometimes Madison Avenue is just full of shit."


---Don Draper

Anonymouse said...

"Look. Nowadays if you want to be the muse of a cartoonist, these are the types of things you have to do."

Anonymous said...

"Circle jerky good."

Kathy H said...

"Y'know, maybe I should just get up and judge Contest #307. Nah. Throw me another tasty wheel, will ya?"

Satireguy said...

"I think it's time to change the winter bagels."

Anonymous said...

"I think we should go on a hunger strike until we get the results of Contest #307 . . . pretty good timing, if you ask me."


---left coast wayne

Wile E. Chipotle said...

"Lar, Atouk nya ugh ool. Atouk doodoo..."

Anonymous said...

“Klaatu barada nikto . . . well, it makes about as much sense as the rest of this ridiculous cartoon.”


---Gort

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Next time let's put the hors d'oeuvres before the cart."

Austin said...

If it weren't for government wheelfare, I don't know how we'd survive.

Austin said...

A sudden and awkward silence descended upon Grok and Thog as both realized they'd worn the same outfit to the annual society dinner.

David Macharelli said...

"This Millstone cereal is far more literal than I would have guessed."

Bob Fossil said...

"Your wife cooks circles around my wife."

"That's because you're married to alinla. Where is he, by the way?"

"I dunno'. By the time he judges Contest #307, our marriage will be legal in 14 states."

Anonymous said...

When you're done there we really ought to go look for alinlabrea.

Bob Fossil said...

"Trog didn't say 'Let's eat.'. He said he invented the toiLET SEAT."

The Almighty Jah said...

Oct 4, 2000 BC: Man discovers the doughnut.
Oct 5, 2000 BC: Man discovers constipation.

Anonymous said...

"I can't believe Jeff Gordon treats us, his own pit crew, like Neanderthals. We'll show 'im---let's eat ALL of his wheels!"


---Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Mobius said...

"Are the bitches out making the rounds? Paleo diet well-rounded!"

tp said...

our meal, our existence, this contest -- all pointless.

Anonymous said...

"Where's the beef?"


---Wendy

Anonymous said...

“Life is nasty, brutish and short . . . especially without a schmear.”


---blw

Tim H said...

"...crack!... Damn! Hey, what's the name of your orthodontist, again?"

Satireguy said...

"It sure would have helped to have had some lox and cream cheese."

Eric G said...

Ugh. Me feel sick, and these extra strength Rolaids no work.

smuck said...

"That was a nice snack, but I would prefer to eat a square meal."

Glenn said...

After hunting the O to extinction, Omagnonman would soon follow

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Anonymous said...

This isn't working. We will have to think of something else to use these things for.

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