Sunday, July 31, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #297

Note: Two guys on a traffic island? A big bustling city? One would anticipate a wave of annal sex and/or gay jokes. There were surprisingly few. (What's that all about? Are you guys growing up or just getting lazy?)
There were also a few non-entry entries submitted in an effort to settle a score or explain something or what ever. This is not something that is encouraged here but, as I noted in my comments, if you post it here, it will be considered a cap.


WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"See. No one even notices same-sex mirages anymore." --Sam Antic (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Social commentary disguised as a just another low brow Anti-Cap. Maybe no one is noticing because it's just two bland guys doing nothing to, with or for each other. If they were sexing it up people would notice. [Which is not the same as wanting to see it.] That's why this is a marginally good cap. When gays settle down and become just as dull, over weight and predictable as breeders, they will be equally uninteresting. Only then will they be permitted to wed each other.)
SECOND PLACE

"After 4 years on the island, we've come to love our palms.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sense. There is but one palm tree on the tiny island they inhabit. And you mean to tell me in four years not once could they cross the street? This is just some crude masturbation joke that would be scorned by the New Yorker and its readership--yet it finishes here in second place. Nice work as always, Jim.)
THIRD PLACE

Oops--Apu (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The Simpson's Kwik-E-Mart proprietor sends us to a news clip from India that illustrates the dangers of living on a traffic island. This is either mean spirited or well intended.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Excuse me...I was sitting there!"--truncated tetrahedrons (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reminds me of a previous contest won by a four-year old. If I recall, the cartoon had an annoyed looking woman saying something to a walrus seated in an easy chair. The winning cap: "You're in my seat." If this was also penned by a toddler, it is just as good.)

"Hey! It's my turn to drive."-- Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And so begins a series of caps that suggest that two men are traveling on some type of vehicle that only looks like a tiny island. Further evidence that stoners flourish in an Anti-Cap environment. This cap is the least imaginative, but it has conflict.)
BEST. SKATEBOARD. EVER. --Dood (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The dramatic advances in skateboard technology make this plausible, inevitable even.)
"This "Singaporean Restaurant Shuttle,"really sucks!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: What's with all the quotation marks? And if it's a free shuttle do they really have a right to complain?)
It's the last time I rush to buy a "chlorophyll powered vehicle" without asking a few questions first. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This reminds us that alternative energy is like an alternative lifestyle: It involves sacrifice.)
"So some guy gave you ten bucks for your 'WILL WORK FOR FOOD' sign. Don't you know by now, The Man has set you up to fail?" --It Meth B. Luv (JUDGE'S COMMENT: But couldn't he just make another sign for a lot less than $10? This is why bums should not hang out with other bums.)
"We're Leaving!"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This linked to a story about the Islanders moving from the New York area. Regular readers of this blog [Hi honey!] know of my affinity for Dylan, Star Trek and the Mets. Prominent on the Things I Hate list is the Uniondale Islanders. I grew up a Rangers fan and had my heart broken by the Islanders as they won four consecutive Stanley Cups some years ago. To me, the news that they may be leaving the NYC area is like hearing that an obnoxious neighbor is moving. Good riddance and, yes, Potvin still sucks!)
"Norman is an island." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If we assume one of these guys has that name I guess this is fine.)

"Maybe we should add a female singer."--Exit 16W (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This appears to be a reference to The Fabulous Baker Boys, a 1989 film starring Jeff Bridges and Beau Bridges as two brothers whose fading lounge act is revitalized when they add a female singer played by Michelle Pfeiffer. Exit 16W is where you get off the NJ Turnpike to go to the Meadowlands. Anything else you want to know?)

Faster! We're going to miss our New Yorker cartoon audition! --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah, right! Like they have auditions. But I am eager to see Johnny B breakout of the stubborn slump that has haunted him for what seems like forever.)
And for a split second in heaven, Magritte sported dust wood as the palm tree perfectly alligned with the palm tree painted on the side of the truck, supporting the point he tried to make about the human condition before he was dead. --Some Douche (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And that point was... This is good but I can not explain why. What the hell is "dust wood?" by the way.)
Survivor: Long Island Expressway reaches its finale, but the tired franchise remains mired in cliche. --Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It is not mired in conflict-- the show sucks. And there are no palm trees on the L.I.E. ) "I guess it wasn't all that smart to vote Jeff Probst off the island."---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jeff was the most annoying part. He should be voted off of TV for good.) [This isn't an entry, I'm just linking to the
official site, which has a bigger picture. Does anyone think it looks like a dog driving that car? A dog talking on a cell phone?] --Carol Lou Ellen (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sorry Carol, if you post it, it is an entry. Luckily someone else did the commenting for me. Anonymouse said: " Nah, Carol Lou Ellen, that ain't no dog driving a car -- and on a cell phone. No, it's just al in la's chauffeur." For the record I do not have a chauffeur but Mrs. al in la often takes the wheel when I've had a few.)
Oh, they'll listen to us one day, Harry. Just you wait. If the
median voter theorem means anything at all, then by God they'll listen.-- Carol Lou Ellen (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Carol bounces back with a smarty-pants cap that includes a pointless link.)
A comment on the previous contest: it appears that instead of the recent cartoon copying the older "evrolet" one, they both copied the same classic movie poster, for "Attack of the 50 ft Woman." So we have two lazy-ass cartoonists instead of one. However, the recent one wins the prize for copying not only the woman but almost the entire scene. --Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This works as an entry if we assume that the two guys on the island are serious Anti-Cappers with nothing else to talk about.)
"Every once in awhile JohnnyB gets a hold of one" -al in la (circa 2009) --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Those times are few and far between, but it is touching to see this type of devotion.)
When al moved his dad to New York they brought along a little piece of Florida.--Jim Cavanaugh
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks Jim. He is doing fine. The real challenge will come when the temperatures in upstate N.Y. drop. One small conflict we had when I stayed with him was the proper setting for the central air conditioning. I wanted some where in the 60's and he wanted it some where near off. )

118 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Writer. You?"

Anonymous said...

"I can just see that idiot light going off in the cartoonist's head."

JohnnyB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JohnnyB said...

Faster! We're going to miss our New Yorker cartoon audition!

JohnnyB said...

I don't know; looks like traffic is all backed up through the underpuss.

JohnnyB said...

Manhattan Island isn't like I pictured it. I think those Injuns swindled us.

Kathy H said...

"So, it's agreed. Hearts of palm it is."

Tim H said...

"Hey, look! Jimmy Buffett's playing the Beacon Theatre!"

Satireguy said...

"Yes, no man is an island but I think you'll have to agree that two men is a traffic island."

Anonymouse said...

"I was born on Long Island. Now, that's irony."

boneguy said...

6 months on this thing and still no signs of intelligent life.

smuck said...

"Norman is an island."

smuck said...

"I can see my house from here."

smuck said...

"This place sucks."

smuck said...

"So we'll agree to raise our debt ceiling. But that doesn't solve our long-term deficit problem."

smuck said...

"OK, now that we're here, we just need a sign that says we're Vietnam vets. Also, did you happen to bring a traffic light?"

Mike Mariano said...

"OBAMACARE."

Anonymouse said...

"We're Leaving!"

Harry said...

"I have to pee."

Anonymous said...

"Excuse me...I was sitting there!"

truncated tetrahedrons

Anonymous said...

"Maybe we should add a female singer."

Exit 16W

Satireguy said...

California prison officials come up with a new, inexpensive, longterm incarceration option.

Anonymous said...

"Are you sure ONE WAY means us too?"

Dan

Gary P said...

"I read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, and it wasn't a palm tree, and you ain't Johnny Podres, so shut up."

Gary P said...

"Everything's been fucked since the Professor left with Ginger in that Kia."

Walt said...

Survivor: Long Island Expressway reaches its finale, but the tired franchise remains mired in cliche.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Time to send another message in a bottle!"

Richard H said...

"You think you're exhausted. I'm just running on fumes."

Richard H said...

"I hate this fucking island. And we're missing Shark Week"

Anonymous said...

"Woooooaaaah...does this fucker have BRAKES!!?"

Echo-friendly

NAMBY said...

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die of boredom."

Carol Lou Ellen said...

[This isn't an entry, I'm just linking to the official site, which has a bigger picture. Does anyone think it looks like a dog driving that car? A dog talking on a cell phone?]

Angus Podgorny said...

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Angus Podgorny said...

I want you so bad.

Angus Podgorny said...

I'm more worried about nocturnal emissions.

Carol Lou Ellen said...

What the...? Take a bite out of my ass, McGruff!

Carol Lou Ellen said...

Oh, they'll listen to us one day, Harry. Just you wait. If the median voter theorem means anything at all, then by God they'll listen.

William Board said...

"The median is the message."

Who said...

"I wonder if they will ever find Bin Laden."

boneguy said...

Tell me again what year did the last squeegee man surrender to Giuliani?

JohnnyB said...

I've decided to name one of my balls "Wilson".

Tim H said...

"Very good, Mr. Jones. You can pull over here. Congratulations. You've passed your driver's test."

Filmguy said...

Don’t listen to the tree, it’s totally full of shit.

boneguy said...

Give Obama credit for at least naming something in honor of Rep. Cantor.

Kathy H said...

"Ironically, I used to play in the band Traffic."

Anonymouse said...

"Ya gotta admit, the 405 is much better now."

Anonymouse said...

[Nah, Carol Lou Ellen, that ain't no dog driving a car -- and on a cell phone. No, it's just al in la's chauffeur.]

Gary P said...

"This cartoon is so badly drawn that some people look at the exhaust and movement lines from the cars and they see us facing left, so they think the island must be moving, too."

"Duh... isn't it?"

Gary P said...

"Psst. Keith Richards is up in the tree snorting some ashes."

Anonymous said...

"I guess it wasn't all that smart to vote Jeff Probst off the island."


---blw

Grandma said...

"Turn around! The back of your head is going to blow me."

Satireguy said...

"Don't worry. Carmageddon II will save us."

Satireguy said...

"Hey! It's my turn to drive."

Anonymous said...

"Go jump in the lake, pal. I just adopted this island."

Dan

Anonymous said...

"Why does the air conditioning only work between 1:45 and 2:30?"

Sal

David Macharelli said...

"This is the worst honeymoon ever!"

Anonymous said...

"Every once in awhile JohnnyB gets a hold of one" -al in la (circa 2009)

Anonymous said...

"I make an excellent Coconut Shrimp. Got any shrimp?"

Los Gatos

Anonymous said...

"What are you—a comedian?"

Gallagher

Dood said...

BEST. SKATEBOARD. EVER.

Gullible Intern said...

"Hi,I'm here for my interview."

Anonymous said...

"Does it look like Ellis Island!?"

Prag

Shelly said...

"You too? Who knows why that giant bitch grabbed us and set us here- but what the hell happened to our cars?"

Jess said...

In Russia, an island gets away to you."

Tim H said...

"...and that's why I call it The Rock. 'Cause no one's ever escaped from it...alive."

Walt said...

A comment on the previous contest: it appears that instead of the recent cartoon copying the older "evrolet" one, they both copied the same classic movie poster, for "Attack of the 50 ft Woman." So we have two lazy-ass cartoonists instead of one. However, the recent one wins the prize for copying not only the woman but almost the entire scene.

Walt said...

Isn't it great being the critical swing votes between the left-going and right-going traffic?

Anonymouse said...

"I don't know about you, but I certainly get my kicks on Route 66."

Some Douche said...

And for a split second in heaven, Magritte sported dust wood as the palm tree perfectly alligned with the palm tree painted on the side of the truck, supporting the point he tried to make about the human condition before he was dead.

Some Douche, Jr. said...

Correction:
...fuckin' dead!

Anonymous said...

"After 4 years on the island, we've come to love our palms.

Jim Cavanaugh

Sam Antic said...

"See. No one even notices same-sex mirages anymore."

Steve_O said...

"Could you watch for traffic while I take a piss behind that tree?"

Steve_O said...

"Sometimes I think a sudden, violent end would be better than the torture of starving to death."

Anthropologize said...

"When women and children go first, we get to learn from their mistakes."

Littoral Truth said...

"Rikers Island was never this confining."

boneguy said...

It's the last time I rush to buy a "chlorophyll powered vehicle" without asking a few questions first.

Anonymous said...

“Ok, I folded it six ways and placed it where the sun doesn't shine. Now what?"


Demetrius

Kathy H said...

"Dude, where's my car?"

Anonymous said...

When al moved his dad to New York they brought along a little piece of Florida.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Let's go, I'm exhausted.

Jim Cavanaugh

Apu said...

Oops

Dr Sumguy said...

"This "Singaporean Restaurant Shuttle" sucks!"

Chad said...

"Graduating from college a billionaire just kinda killed my motivation to do anything else at all."

Dr Sumguy said...

"This "Singaporean Restaurant Shuttle,"really sucks!"

Dex said...

"Shut up Bob, everyone knows your castaways beard is a clip-on."

It Meth B. Luv said...

"So some guy gave you ten bucks for your 'WILL WORK FOR FOOD' sign. Don't you know by now, The Man has set you up to fail?"

DaPlane!! DaPlane!! said...

"Your 22 year-old buxom, blonde wife will be here within 20 minutes, with your beautiful little blue-eyed son, the piano virtuoso with an IQ of 170, in tow. You will find it impossible to get her to stop making love to you."

- Mr. O'Rourke

Long Island Division said...

“Lincoln never said an island divided is two islands.”

Adverse Possession said...

"Just two more years, and Manhattan will be ours."

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"The coconuts here are home grown."

Larry D. said...

George: The sex wasn't so good?
Jerry: (unenthusiastic) No. The sex was fabulous.
George: So?
Jerry: I want the massage!

Austin said...

Would it kill you to take me someplace nice once in a while?

Austin said...

Astronaut, you?

Austin said...

The Ninth Traffic Circle of Hell

Austin said...

Fifty years after the Tea Party rise to power, Yellowstone National Parkway is the largest remaining National Park in the country.

Glenn said...

"I can't believe you didn't bring the sign. How will we get any money without something that says 'Lost jobs, have kids, please help, † God bless you †' and all that shit?"

Tim H said...

"Now that the Mets are 55-55, I am reminded of George Costanza's line in Seinfled: 'Right in that meaty part of the curve -- not showing off, not falling behind.'"

Tim H said...

[...or Seinfeld...]

cta said...

"Kids today are such whiners! You should've seen the island I grew up on as a kid! Now THAT was small!"

cta said...

"I never said I had a vacation house on Road Island. I said Rhode Island!"

Jess said...

"That's right. They took away my Mercedes and left me marooned on a traffic island with someone who's not even in the industry. I'll tell you honey this town can be crule. Luckily I still have by Bluetooth which explains why I am saying this."

Pho Twenny said...

"Duuude, this is awesome grass."

Anonymous said...

Did you see the debt deal the Tea Partiers bullied them into? We're all shipwrecked now.

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"A three hour tour, my ass!"

Satireguy said...

A palm tree grows in L.A.

Anonymous said...

"I got five cents for the bottle then folded your message into a paper airplane."

Dan

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

The Witness Protection Program calls it “hide in plain sight”, but I smell budget cuts.

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

You know the rules, Larry, the Conch Republic Deux is all mine for another day.

JohnnyB said...

Alas! how little does the memory of these human inhabitants enhance the beauty of the landscape!

Tim H said...

"Now that we've tried Palm, let's try Palm Too."

Tim H said...

[...that's Palm...]

Anonymous said...

"It ain't much, but it's the first time in five years the Islanders have been above water."

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

I've run the numbers and the most we can afford is a manhole cover.

Anonymous said...

"Palm oil and palm kernel oil both contain a lot of saturated fat, but palm oil has less, and it also has antioxidants from vitamin E, including both tocopherols and tocotrienols."

You Blow (and lick) said...

If you're worried about the nutritional value of your ass grease, then you must REALLY like ass-to-mouth

Lawrence Wood said...

"Just our luck. They paved paradise and put up a damn expressway."

It Meth B. Luv said...

The $10 was spent on narcotics, al. So he hasn't a pot to piss in or a pen and piece of cardboard to spill it onto.

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.