Monday, July 25, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #296

NOTE: By now, we are all aware that this cartoon looks an awful lot like a cartoon already used for the caption contest. Yes, it was five short years ago that we met "Evrolet Girl," a scantily clad, pissed-off beautiful giant. She was squatting slightly, holding a car in her left hand while her right hand was strategically positioned in her lower region to shoo away flys and confound Paparazzi. She was shown towering above an auto plant while an auto exec and his son looked on from inside a nearby office window.
The image was framed in such a way that only the last seven letters of the word "Chevrolet" were visible on the building being straddled by the woman. Hence she was forever branded Evrolet Girl (or, alternatively, Evrolet Woman, Evrolet Chick and, inevitably, Evrolet Bitch.) She has popped-up in the Anti-Cap Contest with a regularity that is exceeded only by that crazy bastard Fusilli.
The woman in this more recent cartoon meanwhile, is wearing a similar towel/dress. She holds in her left hand a hapless man while her right hand is also is in a prom-night position. She looks more annoyed than our beloved Evrolet Girl, who is drawn as a more classic beauty. This blatant regurgitation of a caption cartoon is reprehensible. And yes, I wrote a letter to the editor (I really did.).

WINNERS
FIRST PLACEYou managed to stay out of sight for nearly five years, but now a lazy-ass cartoonist has traced you. --Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you look at both cartoons, the parallels are remarkable -- and, for the New Yorker braintrust, certainly embrarassing. Walt channeled the sense of betrayal and outrage we all feel into a coherent and slightly funny Anti-Cap. And he did so with a good little pun: "Trace" can mean tracking, copying or a tiny amount [that's why I said "good little." See how it works?] At the New Yorker, "lazy-ass" is to "cartoonist" as "bitter, cynical and condesending" is to this contest. Nice work Walt.)


SECOND PLACE (Tie)
"Fine, take the car! But the curtains and circus tent are mine."--Dan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Is it safe to assume the curtains are her fingers and tent refers to her dress? If so, why would he want them and what would he do with them? And is this guy in a position to be dictating terms? This is confusing and dim witted, but it was entered on Sunday evening and I want to prove that I read all of entries right up until the moment that I don't. I also leave room for the possibility that it is really funny but I just don't get it.)

"Can't..... breathe... you're crushing the life.... out..... of me.... and.... it's.... agonizing.... oh crap.... that's.... my cellphone.... can.... i.... take.... this call?" --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A dog with different fleas. This cap does nothing more than poke fun at our servitude to cel phones. I like ellipses [only three dots at a time next time...okay?] and I like the small "i." It's either a type-o or a statement on the guy's low self esteem. Either way, it's good enough to share Second Place--but no better than that.)

THIRD PLACE"No, seriously, it's perspective. I am not bigger than my car. Put me down next to it so I can show you." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A valid point. The man and the car seem to be the same size. But we can chalk that up to artistic license coupled with the fact that the person who submitted this cap had nothing to say. Still, not as bad as running a cartoon that is the mirror image of one that ran five years ago in the hope that no one notices. We notice! And don't taunt me with that "Get-a -life!" shit.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, my choice of words notwithstanding, you have to admit it makes fiscal sense for us to shop at a big box store." --Mr. Insensitive Box reference (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like someone driving five miles to save a nickle on gas, this cap goes a long way for a stupid pun. There was an old George Carlin bit where he observed that only in a Disney film could you get away with using "snatch," "box" and "pussy" in the same sentence: As in: "Let's snatch that pussy and put it in a box." He was right you know.)


"Look lady, picking up hitchhikers is illegal. Besides, I'm headed yeast, uh, EAST." --Will Wurkferfuud (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you had only stoped after the word "illegal." The rest is just a gross, terrible pun made worse by the need to insert a rhyming word for "yeast." Even so, the picking up hitchhikers part has merit and I guess a yeast infection might explain the fumes rising up and the woman's sour disposition.)
What's wrong, is there a toll to go through your underpuss?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can't help but wonder how long Jim sat and looked at this on his screen before hitting "submit." Now he can take credit for introducing the word "underpuss" into the lexicon of degenerate lazy thinkers.)
"Babes like you always have the right of weigh." --Turn I. Quet (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It does not look like she is in the mood for sweet talk but the pun is not any worse than the others.)
"Don't worry,
Evrolet Girl, Motor Trend magazine isn't always right." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is confusing but it references the previous huge-woman cartoon that is very similar to this one. In fact the person submited with a link to the previous cartoon which was unneccesary since I had already done that with my note next to this week's cartoon. Please pay attention--okay?)
"Please don't hurt me evrolet lady. It was my father who called you a monster." --Rex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references the Anti-Cap winner of that previous cartoon that looks a lot like this one: "Son, All women are monsters." It was picked by the previous judge who appaerently was having a spat with Mrs. Radosh at the time.)
Frustrated, Evrolet girl seeks Ojan man. --Austin
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I have no idea what "Ojan man" refers to but Austin knows and that's good enough for me.)

[If one wants to see the comments which were submitted to the original "Evrolet Girl" cartoon back in November 2006, click on the link below. Curiously, the term "Evrolet Girl" can be found nowhere in that week's comments. Apparently, they came later, retrospectively.] --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Teaher's pet and Anti Cap historian, Tim H did some digging and apparently found the old entries for Caption Cartoon No. 77 [aka Everolet Girl]. I say apparently because when I went to the site and tried to get the old entries, it just said "loading..." After what seemed like an enernity [about 10 seconds], I figured "Fuck this. If I want to see crappy caps I can look at this week's." Thanks for nothing Tim.)

Let's just say if the situation were reversed, I would take the thirty seconds to urinate on your house to save it.-- boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He would, you know. In fairness men have apparatus more akin to a fire hose--at least some of us do.)
"Michele, this officially makes you a more terrifying candidate than Sarah Palin, but just barely."-- Bo Jiden (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With that curvy figure, wind swept brunette hair and angry grimace, the woman in the cartoon does resembal Michele Bachman. Is she a more menacing figure than the former governer of Alaska? You betcha she is! In fact, if Michele is Curly, Sarah is Shemp.)
The whores here are obscenely large. --Daemon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very few classics this week so I will give this props. It is, of course, a riff on the "The hours here are obscene." Classic-wise, I was thinking of something like "No Mr. Bond, I expect to crush you against my thigh." But that would only work if the women was talking and her threat was a bad thing.)
See someone has gotten too big for her britches.--I Married a BBW (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The woman does look as though she has out grown her dress. This is also the case in the cartoon from a few years ago that is almost exactly like this one. Here's my theory: the only way you can get away with drawing a sexy, scantily clad babe in a New Yorker cartoon is to empower her my making her a gargantuan figure who can squeeze the life out of a man. In most New Yorker cartoons that power is only medaphorical. Also what the fuck are "britches?" )
"Leave the shitbag, take the shitbox."--Dan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is deeper than it first appears. It is, of course, a riff on "Leave the gun, take the canolis" from GF I. "Shitbox" can be a pejorative discription for a car [you almost never see it in ads] and, when it comes down to it "shitbag" can describe a human. So the man is really saying "Take my car, just don't hurt me." But he is saying it in an Anti-Cap way. Noted.)
"You made it there somehow. You're a big girl now." --Lucky form Malibu (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A great song from "Blood on the Tracks. Legend has it that Dylan wrote it when his wife at the time unexpectedly put on a few extra pounds. It's stands as our requist nod to Bob. Who, by the way, lives in Malibu and went by the alias "Lucky" when he recorded with the Traveling Wilburys. Trying to get this stuff past me is like playing soccer with a beachball and I'm the goaltender.)
♪ ♫ If I ever lose my face in you, there'd be nothing left for me to do... ♫ ♪ --Joe (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We have seen musical notes before. Nothing new there. Still, by replacing "faith" with "face," this wimpy ass song from Sting takes on new meaning, If she did ram the man's face into her buxom body and he suffocated, he would be one lucky stiff.)
Mr Anonymous is hung like a hamster, leaving Mrs Anonymous to find gratification elsewhere.--This Contest Blows (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Blows. Sucks. Bites. Whatever. The hampster is a close cousin of the gerbil and we not a well aware of the vital role gerbils have played in the sex lives of officers, gentleman and American gigolos.)"No, no, you got it all wrong! Carlos Beltrán is much happier, now that he's playing closer to al in la!" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't get me started. I still havn't gotten over the Seaver trade. And please know that I like the Giants only slightly more than I like the Dodgers, and I like the Dodgers only slightly more than I like al-Qaeda. )"Ok, I'm sorry you expected Sir Paul when you clicked the link and all you got was us pointing out our seats an hour before the concert, Jesus. My videos are all about me and my family - you should know that by now, Nancy." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There are many video clips on YouTube that include highlights from the concert. I wanted to make a vid to thank my wonderful sister for flying my wife out from L.A. and giving us tickets to the show. So spare me your idignation. To paraphrase Michael Corleone in GF II: "We're all part of the same hypocrisy, Anonymous. But never think it applies to my family.")
Hey, al, I'm glad you're back, everything's good with your father, and as judge of this contest we have your complete divided attention.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No problem happy to...wait a sec...ESPN highlights..Holy shit I can't believe he caught that!...be back where I can do some good. )
If I promise to judge the anti-cap contest fairly will you put me down? Please!? --alinla (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Meow. Sounds like it was entered by a perenial loser who has been subjected to abuseive comments. [Is that you, Johnny?] I know I did not submit this. In fact I would never submit an entry under "al in la." If it won, everyone would suspect I gave preferential treatment to myself -- which is something I'm prone to do. And if you are looking for fairness try the skin of a debutante because you ain't gonna find it here. )
OK, I'll stop being an asshole! --alinla (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again, this was subbmited by someone who is not me so I feel no oblication to live up to a promise I would never make and certainly can not keep. )

123 comments:

JohnnyB said...

You're the one going commando; don't get mad at me for looking at your twat.

JohnnyB said...

Nice try, Hertz, but I can't fit in that driver's seat. Though I think Avis would have tried harder.

Satireguy said...

In order to avoid Carmageddon II, the city of Los Angeles enlists the help of Autoerotic Girl.

Anonymous said...

"No, seriously, it's perspective. I am not bigger than my car. Put me down next to it so I can show you."

Anonymous said...

"No really, I make a great vibrator! Just don't do that 'human centipede' thing with me."

Al Intruder said...

Forget my tiny schwantz, you should try a little duoble-penetration with a pair of them water towers!

Blonde said...

Told ya traffic on the I-880 was a bitch!!!!

Anonymouse said...

"Don't worry, Evrolet Girl, Motor Trend magazine isn't always right."

Kathy H said...

"Notorious B.I.G. has nothing on you, honey!"

JohnnyB said...

Christ, what an asshole. Oh, and nice tits, too.

JohnnyB said...

I know your period makes you irritable but did you have to bleed all over the whole cartoon?

JohnnyB said...

Yes, Kathy H., this IS L.A. but I'm not Al and I didn't destroy your link to the 405.

Tim H said...

[If one wants to see the comments which were submitted to the original "Evrolet Girl" cartoon back in November 2006, click on the link below. Curiously, the term "Evrolet Girl" can be found nowhere in that week's comments. Apparently, they came later, retrospectively.]
Contest #77

Anonymous said...

"The vagina here is obscene."

boneguy said...

Let's just say if the situation were reversed, I would take the thirty seconds to urinate on your house to save it.

boneguy said...

Sorry to bother you, but you missed my exit.

boneguy said...

Given that sizes run small, I would definitively avoid Hong Kong for clothes shopping.

boneguy said...

Hello Dominique? I think I have found the woman of your dreams.

LR said...

"Just back up a few feet, then set down on that water tower and you'll feel a whole lot better about things."

Austin said...

Num num num num num

Anonymous said...

For the last time, my name is John Boehner, not John Conner!

Anonymous said...

"Hey bitch, some water-tower time might wipe that scowl off your face."

Fee Waybill said...

"You're the one who was sitting on freeway. Please, just let me have my hood ornament back"

Damon said...

"It's not you, it's...well, honestly, it's you."

Jess said...

"Okay! Okay! I cut you off! You don't have to bite my head off."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Eat me!"

David Macharelli said...

"I'm sorry, baby, but I needed to find someone a little tighter."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Don't eat me. I'm loaded with antidepressants!"

Bo Jiden said...

"Michele, this officially makes you a more terrifying candidate than Sarah Palin, but just barely."

Anonymous said...

"We're disposable, but not disposable napkins, bitch!"

PG 13

Mr. Insensitive Box reference said...

"Honey, my choice of words notwithstanding, you have to admit it makes fiscal sense for us to shop at a big box store."

Anonymous said...

Hey, al, I'm glad you're back, everything's good with your father, and as judge of this contest we have your complete divided attention.

Damon said...

"I had no idea, Carolita. When you wanted to start over, I figured you'd just use an eraser."

Damon said...

"Remember when I was trying to explain 'irony' to you yesterday? Well, your diaphragm just fell out and killed a bunch of kids."

Angus Podgorny said...

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now set me down before the bombardiers try to force you out of town.

Angus Podgorny said...

You know what really burns my ass?

Angus Podgorny said...

I've always wondered what it would be like to be a tampon.

Angus Podgorny said...

I hear that Laurel Canyon is full of famous stars.

Will Wurkferfuud said...

"Look lady, picking up hitchhikers is illegal. Besides, I'm headed yeast, uh, EAST."

Haberdasher said...

"Halter top or I'll shoot."

Infant Tree said...

"Our baby took out the entire delivery room. And you expect ME to pay?"

Tim H said...

"Oh, did I mention that I own a LOT of stock in Amazon.com?"

Ike Turner said...

Bitch put me down now fore I slap you silly.

alinla said...

If I promise to judge the anti-cap contest fairly will you put me down? Please!?

alinla said...

OK, I'll stop being an asshole!

Daniel Radosh said...

I don't care if alinla is a friend of yours, he's still an asshole.

bonerguy said...

My, what big tits you have, Grandma!

Daemon said...

The whores here are obscenely large.

Katty H said...

Mr. Big has nothing on you, honey.

Agnes Podgorny said...

Why don't you pick on someone your own size.

Anonymice said...

What now, bitch? I left your god-damned money on the dresser.

JollyB said...

Oh shit, not again!

Satyrguy said...

Eat shit and die! Hey, what are doing? Put me down!

Tiny H said...

Are you my mother?

Anonymous said...

"Leave the shitbag, take the shitbox."

Dan

Gary P said...

"Who does your hair?"

Rex said...

"Please don't hurt me evrolet lady. It was my father who called you a monster."

Anonymous said...

"Ok, I'm sorry you expected Sir Paul when you clicked the link and all you got was us pointing out our seats an hour before the concert, Jesus. My videos are all about me and my family - you should know that by now, Nancy."

Kathy H said...

"I know, I know. You're all about 'raising the ceiling.' But, in this case, they're talking about the 'debt ceiling.'"

Eric G said...

Before you kill me, can I at least get a brumsky?

Eric G said...

Lilli: put me down!

Anonymouse said...

"Is this any way for a certified city planner to act? I mean, really?!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Big momma.If you fuck with my Chevi,i'll choo chou!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Big momma. If you fuck with my chevy, i"ll choo chou!"

Kathy H said...

"O.K., O.K.! I won't violate the 5-comment rule again! Sheesh!"

smuck said...

"Can't..... breathe... you're crushing the life.... out..... of me.... and.... it's.... agonizing.... oh crap.... that's.... my cellphone.... can.... i.... take.... this call?"

Anonymous said...

"I called AAA. You're ZZZZZZZZZ!!"

dead on balls accurate

Satireguy said...

"If you wanted to have sex, you could have just called."

Austin said...

Frustrated, Evrolet girl seeks Ojan man.

Rex said...

SARAH: Look, Reese, I know you want to help, but...

REESE: (cutting her off) Pay attention. The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy. But these are new. They look human. Sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait 'til he moved on you before I could zero him.

Turn I. Quet said...

"Babes like you always have the right of weigh."

boneguy said...

Just amazing! I can see both my house and your crack from here.

Tim H said...

"So, tell me. Ya got a boyfriend?"

David Macharelli said...

"Damn! I could literally motorboat that cleavage!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Even more amazing! I can see Boneguy's crackhouse from here!"

boneguy said...

Even more amazing! Dr. Sumguy made a sumwhat funny caption!

OJ said...

Unsatisfied with killing her own child, Casey Anthony takes steroids and destroys an entire city.

Jess said...

Having over-inflated his inflatable lovemate, Chad frantically searched his pockets for a pin or a key or anything sharp.

Dr. Sumboner said...

Chill, bitch! Now take me over there to check out that crackhouse.

guyguy said...

No, take me! I saw it first.

Anonymous said...

"I'm actually Senator Vitter from Lousiana. Could I pay you to change my diaper?"

David Macarena said...

Do you have any idea what twat juice is gonna do to my teak deck?

Error G said...

Before you kill me, can I at least get a brewsky?

Cruising said...

"Will you carry me?"

Laach Tate said...

Got milk?

I Married a BBW said...

I see someone has gotten too big for her britches.

Amazons R. Easy said...

Because finding your g-spot nearly killed me.

Tim H said...

"Did I mention, dear, that you look absolutely smashing?!"

Bruthe said...

"Wait, you're the ghost of Anita Bryant. Don't worry, I'm not gay just because I'm driving a Jetta. By the way, sweet titties, Ghost-Jane!"

smuck said...

"This place sucks."

smuck said...

"Gotta make my mind up. Which seat can I take?"

Anonymous said...

What's wrong, is there a toll to go through your underpuss?

Jim Cavanaugh

Lucky form Malibu said...

"You made it there somehow. You're a big girl now."

Kathy H said...

"No, no, you got it all wrong! Carlos Beltrán is much happier, now that he's playing closer to al in la!"

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, Allison, and your ad said you're 50 feet tall. Try 250 FEET TALL!!!"

George

Satireguy said...

"I paid my toll, bitch. Put me down!"

Satireguy said...

"Have you tried taking a couple of Midols?"

Dex said...

“If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.”

Glenn said...

"Babe, all I said was I didn't want to go down on you on the first day of your period. I could drown!"

Fondling Memories said...

"I know you! You had an affair with the Secretary of State's husband and it got blown way out of proportion."

Anonymous said...

(at top of voice) GIVE HER THE PANTIIIIIIES......!!!

This Contest Blows said...

Mr Anonymous is hung like a hamster, leaving Mrs Anonymous to find gratification elsewhere.

...but at least he wins the Radosh Razzie for being agressively (and consistsantly) unfunny

Eric G said...

Those look fake. You better high-tail it out of here before they melt.

REX said...

HUGE WOMAN: I'm not just another broker Mr.Gekko. If you give me another chance, I'll prove it to you. I'll go the extra yard for you. One more chance. Please...

GEKKO: You want one more chance? Then stop sending me information and start getting me some. Get dressed, I'll show you my charts.

Joe said...

♪ ♫ If I ever lose my face in you, there'd be nothing left for me to do... ♫ ♪

Walt said...

You managed to stay out of sight for nearly five years, but now a lazy-ass cartoonist has traced you.

Glenn said...

"No hablo español? Mierda!"

Anonymous said...

Honest honey, Amazon.com isn't a porn site.

Jim Cavanaugh

Glenn said...

"Behind you! Rook! Godzirra is headed for the city!"

Satireguy said...

"No, seriously, lady, you've really gotta get laid.....and soon."

smudge said...

My place sucks; how 'bout yours?

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Trust me, I could never stand you up."

Glenn said...

"Ray Harryhausen was just my grandfather. How the hell would I know what he did to you?"

Anonymous said...

"Why are you creating such a flap about your labia?"

Anonymous said...

(HUGE flap)

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Could you please close the door. It's hot enough already."

Suspended Animation said...

"I always get off on this exit."

Anonymous said...

"Fine, take the car! But the curtains and circus tent are mine."

Dan

Chevy Chase Maryland said...

"Situations like this are so pedestrian."

South Bend Indiana said...

"Give me a minute to think of another exit strategy."

ashen dockworker said...

"You're destroying the whole fuckin' city!
Brobdingnagian bitch have some pity —
'Cause it would be a shame,
If I went up in flame,
Never hearing my poetry's pretty."

This Contestant Blows said...

Mr. Anonymous was hanged by a hamster, forcing Mrs. Anonymous to pick up strangers.

...but at least his whining about Radosh was agressively (and consistently) unfunny.

Glenn said...

"Kong is an animal - you can't let him throw his shit at you like that."

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.