Sunday, March 6, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #278

A catastrophe in Japan described by CNN as a "monster earthquake" did not escape the notice of Anti-Cappers. Is it tragedy when it happens to you, and comedy when it happens to someone else? Or is comedy tragedy plus time? Anti-Cappers enthusiastically embrace that first premise and, apparently on principle, reject the second.
With the tsunami ripping through the streets of Sendai, Japan and thousands running--or swimming--for their lives, we saw Anti-Caps poking fun at the disaster. since the rest were mostly terrible puns and obvious crap, the Jap-Caps entrys related to the tragedy truely stood out. Nice work people. Now click here.


WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Apologies, Officer Fujikura. I was down in the harbor only ten seconds ago." --LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was posted before Anderson Cooper had even packed his bags--meticulously, no doubt-- and boarded a flight for Japan. It's insensitive, topical and slightly cryptic. Even so, the guy in the boat is alive and bone dry. So maybe this is designed to inspire hope and is not as heartless as it seems at first glance. Maybe.)

SECOND PLACE
The last thing I remember was someone saying, "welcome to the Tokyo regatta". --boneguy ( JUDGE'S COMMENT: Same theme but less imaginative--and inaccurate. It was a bunch of cities most Americans have never heard of, not Tokyo, that were devastated by the quake. (Let's not forget that carnage -wise, they still count.) Here we have another Anti-Capper who was immediately on the case. It is well established that even nice people find mirth in misfortune. That's the take away here.)

THIRD PLACE (Tie)
...and that'll be another $250 for the tasteless tsunami joke.--Rocko

THIRD PLACE (Tie)
"Thanks, officer, but the tsunami joke isn't for sale."--xs (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Rocko's cap leaves you to wonder what exactly would be a tasteful tsunami joke. The rebuttal cap entered by xs reminds us that, above all, comedy is commerce. Tasteless jokes are often excreted by obnoxious people. Gilbert Gottfried Twittered a few stupid jokes over the weekend. One read, "I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.' " In another, he observed that "Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them." The tweets have since been taken down and the Gott-man lost his decade-old gig as the quacking duck in Aflac ads. So clearly he is suffering for his art. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Well, Officer, 'what’s lost is lost, we can’t regain what went down in the flood' . . . you know, the water and everything . . ."---Little Bobby Zimmerman (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "But happiness to me is you and I love you more than blood." From Dylan's "Wedding Song." To no one's surprise, we hired a guy off of Craig's List to play this when Mrs. al in la and I tied the knot. He nailed it, I'm happy to say.)


"When you came up behind me, I thought I might just get a stern warning" --T.H. 3 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That's what we like about the Anti-Cap, we have biting commentary mixed with stupid obvious crap like this. A way to make this funnier is to imagine a guy saying it to his cell mate in prison. I hope that helps.)

"That's knots to you, pig." --LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another obvious pun. This is a simplistic cap with a hint of retro-anger. It's been my experience that people who hate cops are usually up to no good.)

It's a hard rain a-gonna fall. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny, I know you were just tossing up another suck-up cap related to Dylan, put I like the insight. When it does rain, the guy in the boat will have the last laugh on the cop. That's what you're saying--right?)

"'My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow' . . . but, I expect you hear that all the time, Officer."---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In addition to a wise and engaging chronicle of the human condition, a careful reading of Dylan lyrics provide several nautical references.This is from "My Back Pages." The cop would most likely order the driver out of his vessel if he started to recite Dylans lyrics. And rightly so. )

"Officer, I'm just oat 'n a boat. I'm Canadian!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Making fun of the way Canadians talk is like saying something that's completely obvious and intellectually lazy. I can't trouble myself to come up with an example right now.)

"Officer, Canada sure is beautiful, but what's this all aboat?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See previous comment. It applies here too.)

Hey Officer, it's me. The guy with the giant stone wheel. I got a huge fucking promotion. -boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references a previous cartoon that had a cop confronting a caveman at the helm of a huge stone wheel. New Yorker cartoonists remind us that tried-and-true always wins out over creative-and-original.)

"How many people get killed driving a boat on the highway compared to that donorcycle you're on?"--Rob (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This has some street cred. The cops call someone who tries to evade them while on motorcycle an "organ donor." And that's before they go splat.)

A very lost Abe Vigoda and a perseverating Erik Estrada discuss Fish and CHiPs. --John & Wojo (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes, this is terrible. What the hell is "perseverating" mean? Still. it's too cleaver to ignore, To me, Abe will always be Tessio in The Godfather and Erik will always be a late-night TV pitchman with perfect teeth.)

"Can you hurry it up officer? I'm late for Suze Rotolo's memorial service." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references a former Bob Dylan gal-pal who died last week [and no Kathy--hint, hint--I did not need your link to tell me that.] Suze's winning smile and red nose are captured for all eternity on the cover of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan." Taken in February 1963, the cover shot has Suze clinging to Bobby's arm as they stride down a wintry Greenwich Village street topped with slush. Suze was not Dylan's only love but she is the only one to make it to an LP cover. RIP Suze.)

alanhaleinla, sir.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Alan Hale who played the Skipper on Gilligan's Island. I kind of think of Rocko as my Little Buddy [Kathy H is Maryann and Tom Brady is Ginger] and I like the "sir" part so this works.)

"♪ ♫ bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do ♫ ♪ -- Joe (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No one else has ever entered a cap with actual musical notes. No one else knows how.)

"You see, officer, I'm simply late for the sky and I have to check out the sweet beach babes on the Naples F.L.A. shore!" --Anonymouse" (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Only JohnyB and the eight people who read his blog know why this is a pretty good cap. Johnny, it turns out has a sly playful wit and a gift for imagery that make his writing a joy to read. Who knew.)

Faux saily, you crazy bastard. How arrr you?" --I. Tride (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So begins my obligatory nod to the classics--even the really bad ones like this.)

Fuel's empty, you crazy bastard! How are you?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jim, enough already! Something original next week--okay? )

"95 mph? The oars here are obscenely fast." -- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Oars is very close to "hours" but the rest of this is terrible.)

Isn't my new taco truck the bomb? Nowhowzabout a kimchee burrito, Krupke? --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Zany" and "madcap" are such an overused words, I will just say this sucks on a few levels. Kimchi [not ''kimchee''] is a Korean cabbage concoction that encourages flatulence and Krupke is the cop in West Side Story. Stephen Sondheim's sexually charged lyrics include these: Gee, Officer Krupke / We're down on our knees /'Cause no one wants a fellow with a social disease...)

"Yeah yeah, and you invented the ticket, caption #91. Got any new material?"--dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't let them drag you down into their stink hole dwilk. Where is your new material?)

"No oars, no motor, no sails, no nothing. This is not my beautiful boat. How did I get here?" --David (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This appears to be a riff on the Talking Heads classic "Once in a Lifetime." Same as it ever was.)


Hey everybody! Since my new book came out, I'm only going to half-ass a caption or two each week from now on..., at my leisure.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This reminds us that Anti-Cappers have a great sense of entitlement. It may be a reference to the founder of this contest, Daniel Radosh, He departed to take a staff writer gig at the Daily Show and I do not think he ever enters caps these days. That is his business and in fairness the Daily Show has never been better.)


"Officer, a boy can dream, can't he?"-- Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy linked back to a comment I made in this blog. I appreciate that but it is also a little creepy.)

125 comments:

T.H. 3 said...

"When you came up behind me, I thought I might just get a stern warning"

Emeril Bay said...

Race you to Garwoods. Double or nothing!

Miles said...

So the Coast Guard's got Harleys now!You know you're one feather away from the whole fucking Village People
and yes I'll get out of the car.

Anonymous said...

"I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen."

Dan

Anonymous said...

"I wasn't doing jack shit in a 55. This fucker runs on water man!"

dwilk

LR said...

"That's knots to you, pig."

Anonymous said...

"How many fucking Pacifics are there?"

Grrrrrr

JohnnyB said...

I've been stranded here since the flood of '05. Thank God you found me!

JohnnyB said...

Filet O'Fish, fries and a large Coke.

JohnnyB said...

It's a hard rain a-gonna fall.

Anonymous said...

"It has two donut tires, like you."

dwilk

Anonymouse said...

"Tell me, officer. Do you ever sit on your antenna? I mean, accidental-like?"

Not Alan Hale Jr. said...

Hey Little Buddy, Hows about gving your Ol' pal the Skipper a break for old times sake. What happens in the hut, stays in the hut.

Satireguy said...

"No, officer, I have no idea why you pulled me over."

Damon said...

"'Boating without an anti-caption' is a violation? I had no idea, officer. Um...`fuck the cunt riding Marlon Brando's bike'. There's one. See ya."

Glenn said...

"Officer, I'm just oat 'n a boat. I'm Canadian!"

boneguy said...

Hey Officer, it's me. The guy with the giant stone wheel. I got a huge fucking promotion.

Anonymous said...

"How many people get killed driving a boat on the highway compared to that donorcycle you're on?"

Rob

John & Wojo said...

A very lost Abe Vigoda and a perseverating Erik Estrada discuss Fish and CHiPs.

&&&&&& said...

"Officer, why the fuck does an amersand appear as the actual symbol, the word amp and a semicolon whenever I try to include one in my ever-creative pseudonym? It pisses me off."

Tim H said...

"Officer, 'permisison to come aboard' is granted! If you know know what I mean."

Kathy H said...

"Can you hurry it up officer? I'm late for Suze Rotolo's memorial service."

Anonymous said...

"I'm sorry officer - I know you must hear this excuse all the time, but I really, really was trying to get home to take a shit!" -cta

Anonymous said...

"It's not a boat, Dickhead. It's a Rotolo Router."

Anonymouse said...

"Morning, constable. I'm ever so sorry, but I just can't get used to driving on the right side."

Anonymous said...

alanhaleinla, sir.

Rocko

David said...

"OK, you've got me. I'm the guy that's been making people dress up in sailor hats & red shirts then bashing their heads in with coconuts. There's another in the trunk."

JohnnyB said...

Well whaddaya expect? This is a speedboat.

Kathy H said...

"Well, sir, it's a 2011 Chrysler Antediluvian. And it's one sweet ride!"

Joe said...

"♪ ♫ bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do ♫ ♪

Dr Sumguy said...

Do you realize you were doing 40 knots in a school zone?

Anonymouse said...

"You see, officer, I'm simply late for the sky and I have to check out the sweet beach babes on the Naples F.L.A. shore!"

Richard H said...

"Come on officer, this is just silly."

R. Kiel said...

"Oh, it is fun! You should keel yourself."

I. Tride said...

"Faux saily, you crazy bastard. How arrr you?"

Anonymous said...

The last cop told me to sit here until I dried out, and look where THAT got me.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Do you know how fast you weren't going?"

Anonymous said...

I blew a seal.

Jim Cavanaugh

Love Guru said...

Would this be funnier if I was in a lifeguard chair?

boneguy said...

Isn't my new taco truck the bomb? Nowhowzabout a kimchee burrito, Krupke?

Blonde said...

Sorry sailor but you're wayyyyyy over the limit!

Blonde said...

Jeez Officer when I said, "Thar she blows!!" I wasn't referring to your wife-.

Glenn said...

"I'm haunted by the fishes, my victims."

Anonymous said...

"If you stand back another five or six feet you'll really appreciate the beauty of this thing."

Dan

JohnnyB said...

If you think a boat on the road is ridiculous, you should see my house on a cliff and meet my wife on a bondage kick.

David said...

"Again, Mr. Wilpon? How many things can you run aground in one year?"

David said...

"Oh, I see what the problem is, Officer. This fucking speedometer is in Knots!"

Tim H said...

"You like it? I just entered in the USS Indianapolis 500."

Satireguy said...

"I'm just waiting for high tide, officer."

Glenn said...

"I know. Kirk, McCoy and Spock singing 'Row, row, row your boat.' What the heck was Shatner thinking?
And what's with the odd-numbered Trek's being so piss-poor bad?"

Anonymous said...

Did you happen to see my boat-tie? It's a clip-on.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

"Lincolns are the way to go for land yachts. My friend had a '79 collectors series. Biggest friggin' car I have ever been in. But I bought this '78 Cadillac Brougham instead, and it's also a friggin boat! Go with the Lincolns, if you ask me."

Dan

Anonymous said...

"Yeah yeah, and you invented the ticket, caption #91. Got any new material?"

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"Well, Officer, 'what’s lost is lost, we can’t regain what went down in the flood' . . . you know, the water and everything . . ."

---Little Bobby Zimmerman

Anonymous said...

Hey everybody! Since my new book came out, I'm only going to half-ass a caption or two each week from now on..., at my leisure.

Richard H said...

"According to my GPS, this is a shipping lane."

Anonymous said...

"Skipper? I barely..."

--Dex

Austin in PA said...

It's about time you got here! Do you have any idea how long I've been drinking my own urine and eating my own feces?

Suzanna L. said...

"Walk a straight line? I've got sea legs, Officer."

David said...

"In this alternate reality, I was able to be president after Chappaquiddick."

Suzanna L. said...

"Sorry, Officer. I didn't realize dinghy driving was illegal in New York."

Anonymous said...

Forget the way back to the mansion Mr Hefner?

-- Dex

Anonymous said...

"You gotta be fucking kidding! You pulled me over because my life vest isn't fastened?"

Rob

Anonymous said...

"Oh, I thought it was 'Lick it and dick it, or ticket.'"

Dan

Anonymous said...

"I'm plainclothes, asshole."

xs

Kathy H said...

"Officer, a boy can dream, can't he?"

Anonymous said...

"No, I didn't pull you over for speeding. I pulled you over for that Red Sox bumper sticker. Now shut up while I verbally abuse you!" -cta

Glenn said...

"I've been such a nauti boy - I really need a spanking with that ticket."

Anonymous said...

"Officer, Canada sure is beautiful, but what's this all aboat?"

Dom Estever's Brother said...

"Awwww, poor baby, long hours, a quiet country beat, an outdated motorcycle, and you're fat. Cry me a river. Really, I mean it. I need a river."

Dry docked Dry Doc said...

"I'm not drunk, and I've got a PhD."

Deady Kennedy said...

(with props to David)
If only I had driven Mary Jo home in this, if only.....

Satireguy said...

"I'd say about 90 knots, officer."

JK or is it NJK? said...

"Ever since the back of my head was blown off in Dallas, I've been wearing this cap and driving around in my little PT109 replica looking for skull fragments while trying to remember my name."
(with special props to David and Dead Kennedy)

Lynn said...

Nice pants.

Anonymous said...

"No, sorry, Officer. I didn't see the 'No Wake Zone' sign back there..." -cta

Anonymous said...

"No, I may have been weaving a bit, but I'm not drunk. I was just trying to see if I could steer with my penis." -cta

Anonymous said...

“I’m the designated driver, you idiot . . . and, no, I do not know where the hell Gilligan, the Professor, Mary Ann, Ginger or the Howells are!”


---blw

Anonymous said...

Fuel's empty, you crazy bastard! How are you?

Jim Cavanaugh

Tim H said...

"Let's re-enact the last scene from Some Like It Hot. You play Jack Lemmon and I'll be Joe E. Brown."

Some Day said...

"Let's see -- I wasn't speeding, I signaled, My seatbelt is buckled, and it's registered -- so you know what? Go fuck yourself!!"

Anonymous said...

I'm fine, officer, but I need a towboat.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

I'm parkin' this son of a bitch until gas prices come down.

Jim Cavanaugh

smuck said...

"95 mph? The oars here are obscenely fast."

smuck said...

"Look, this is the third time you've pulled me over, so please try to follow what I'm saying here. You're in the parade. I'm in the parade. The boat has no license plate because it's just a fucking parade float. Capiche?"

Anonymous said...

"'My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow' . . . but, I expect you hear that all the time, Officer."


---blw

Gary P said...

"You didn't think the name of the boat meant... no sir, Fukthapigs is just a band my wife likes."

Anonymous said...

I'm legal sir ... we have an anchor baby.

Rocko

Admiral "Bull" Behavior said...

First they kil off Cap'n Crunch, They're dissin' Captain Kirk, now They're pulling my ass over. This is rudderly ridiculous a mistake of Titanic proportions !!

Anonymous said...

"How many cops do I have to kill to be in really deep water?"

dwilk

Gary P said...

"You know that Harley ain't Rapture-ready."

Anonymous said...

"What happened? My wife floored it like a jumpy getaway driver during a bank robbery going terribly wrong, and the boat slid off the trailer like snow falling from a bamboo leaf in early April. That's what happened."

Rob

Eric G said...

The officers here have baleen.

Eric G said...

Sorry, officer, I'm in a rush to the hospital. My wife's water broke.

Satireguy said...

"Yes it's registered. It's registered in Boatswanna."

Anonymouse said...

"Y'know, I saw a red sky at night -- was delighted -- and then bought this magnificent machine!"

Anonymous said...

The name's Eric G., sir. I'm rushing to the hospital to meet Tom B. His water just broke.

nopatsfan

stuporgeek said...

I'm considering commuting this route in the future. Today is just a dry run.

Anonymous said...

"Save the lecture, Officer . . . right now, I need you to start collecting a male and female of every local species . . . I have it on higher authority than you, there's a mighty gully-washer a-comin'!!!"


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Good to see you, matey . . . I expect those Somali pirates will be thinkin' twice before taking us on now!"


---blw

stuporgeek said...

"Buddy, if that thing isn't registered, you're going to have one hull of a problem."

boneguy said...

Boats have barnacles hanging off their bottoms, Officer. What's your excuse?

David said...

"No oars, no motor, no sails, no nothing. This is not my beautiful boat. How did I get here?"

Satireguy said...

"No that's not my book but thanks for asking."

Anonymous said...

"They said move inland to be safe, and I have relatives here in Iowa anyway."

xs

boneguy said...

The last thing I remember was someone saying, "welcome to the Tokyo regatta".

Anonymous said...

"Typically, the New Yorker sends out a lifeguard in situations like this . . . what are you doing here???"


---blw

Anonymous said...

“So, what is it with you guys??? Experiencing a little lull with the Somali pirate action??? Got some spare time now to pick on the little guy???”


---left coast wayne

Satireguy said...

"Yes, officer, I can read Urdu. As you can see from my flag, I'm from Eastern Fuckistan. Would you like me to translate that book for you?

K2 said...

"Klaatu barada nikto"

LR said...

"Apologies, Officer Fujikura. I was down in the harbor only ten seconds ago."

Anonymous said...

Don't throw the book at me! I promise, no more self-promotion.

Flattireguy

Austin in PA said...

I'm on a boat, motherfucker.

Anonymous said...

"I already got my ticket at Tickets.com. Get a job you fat bastard."

Rob

Anonymous said...

"Hey, buoy!!!"

Austin in PA said...

Your turn signal is on.

Steve_O said...

"I'm fine, officer. The trailer hitch broke so I'm staying with the boat while my wife has it repaired."

Anonymous said...

"Where's a tsunami when you need one?"

xs

Anonymous said...

...and that'll be another $250 for the tasteless tsunami joke.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

"Thanks, officer, but the tsunami joke isn't for sale."

xs

Tokie Yokel said...

"I own this boat free and clear, Oh hi officer Here's the title (wave)"

Anonymous said...

Well, then, I believe a cavity search is in order... spread 'em.

Rocko

Glenn said...

"Are you as wet as I am?"

Steve_O said...

"But how did you KNOW there are two murdered school children below deck?"

Anonymous said...

On the blight side, my wife got swept away.

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.