Sunday, February 27, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #277



NOTE: A house teetering on the edge of a cliff brought fourth a good number of Anti-Caps that were obvious, bland, boring or some combo of all three. There were many puns and a few that attempted to squeeze some type of metaphor out of this. But let's face it, The house is doomed. You can't remain in a precarious position for any great length of time. The best approach here is obvious puns with some type of ironic twist. Why did it take me until Wednesday to crank these out? I actually have a job(!) that requires me to be some place everyday. More on this in the weeks to come, I would like to urge Anti-Caps to try and come up with better caps. A boy can dream.
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"You're dwelling on the cliff instead of the dwelling on the cliff."--dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may seem like uninspired fluff. Just a dumb little pun from a regular contributor who only occasionally submits anything of note. But look closer and there is a Zen-like quality to this. It suggests that you should focus on that which sustains and nourishes you [the home], rather than than that which threatens you and can exact your doom [the cliff]. This is not the best cap and it certainly isn't the funniest, but it makes a statement too profound to ignore. Best part: I believe dwilk had none of this in mind when he or she submitted it.)

SECOND PLACE
"Now that's what I call real estate listing!" --Sam Antic (JUDGE'S COMMENT:One of the best of many stupid puns entered this week. You almost expect Sam to say "Get it? Listing?" But Sam took a few shortcuts along the way. He strategically left out "a" as in "A real estate listing." Also, "listing, in the nautical sense means, "to lean one side." The house is level. So this caption is bogus yet still witty.)


THIRD PLACE
It's for sale ... half off. --JohnnyB. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The Sultan of Simplicity has rendered yet another "Anti-Cap That Ain't Worth Crap." But, blast you JohnnyB, the house is half-way off the cliff so this sort of works. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"'Infity edge pool' is realtor jargon for 'your house is going to fall into the ocean'" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They would actually say it was a cozy little get-away with an outstanding view that needs a bit of TLC. They would also know how to spell "infinity.")

"I'd make an offer soon. This property is definitely moving."-- Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Obvious and inaccurate. There is no evidence that the house is moving. We begin to see that many anti-caps went with low hanging fruit this week. )

"Sure, the location is a little edgy, but I think you will be able to maintain a real balance here, especially in the fall."---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Did blw feel a sense of accomplishment when he entered this horrible cap, or was more like self loathing and dread? We'll likely never know.)

Oh Tad, you and Brady could actually share an actual Cape Cod that is Actually in Cape Cod.Oh The irony of it all! --- Paul Lynde's Realtor Brother. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To sum up: There is large gay community in the Cape Cod area and there is significant beach erosion. Also Paul Lynde's last name is often misspelled, So this deserves minor props.)

"Not only is it a Cape Cod house, the good news is that it will soon actually be situated on Cape Cod."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The same theme as the previous cap but far less imaginative. Also a house toppling off a cliff is not good news. What's with you people?")

I'm so happy you're interested in the property, Mr. Beck. It is, after all, the last house remaining from the City on the Hill. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is political commentary. The eroding foundation is the waning middle class. Beck is an asshole. Got it. )

"Didn't that sign out front say 'NO TIPPING'?" --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tim, moving forward, would you do us all a favor and ask yourself "Why am I posting this? Is it really funny? Does it add anything to the contest?" )

Let me guess. The last owner was a bespectacled curmudgeon who landed here with his boy scout friend after his balloons ran low on helium. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a reference to the animated film "Up" Yeah, and? )

Shut up Bob, everyone knows your home's a cliff-on.--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay slightly better. A pretty good classic.)

The houses here careen --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another classic. Eric found a word to rhyme with "obscene." As the summer wanes he will find his beloved Red Sox in fourth palce and his life will desend into an endless abyss of mystery and disappointment, culminating with Tom Brady's arrest for staging cat fights in the basement of his mansion. That my prediction anyway.)

"Feels hilly, you crazy bastard. House our ewe?" --BaaRam (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is much better than's Eric's entry--but it is still lame.)

"Few selling, you crazy bastion of despair? How the heck are you still alive?"--dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a little creative but not very good.)

"In Soviet Union, yuri housey andropov a cliff"-- Sunny & Cher Noble (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't really get this and the signature is confusing.)

I read your book Mr. Rumsfeld, and I'd love to put you into this house.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice little dig at a miserable human being.)

"Aaaarchie, I still don't see why we have to move.""Because, Edith, that fuckin' Meathead will never move out and this is even farther away from those eastside Jeffersons. Now go get my chair from the car."-- A_Bunker (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Two things: Archie never said "fuck" and he did not own a car.)

...and as an exclusive perk for anti-cap contest winners we provide a weekend getaway at our exclusive mountain-view resort. Eric, your room is down the hall to the right. --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Eric is filled with self hate. On that much we are clear.)

"It's in a precarious state -- California. Al, are you in there?" --Legerdemain (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I am. This works on a few levels that I am unwilling to explain or even acknowledge.)

Mr. and Mrs. al are giving Eric G. a great deal on the old place.--NoPatsFan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not funny, but I want Eric to see that he engenders deep disdain and loathing . His willingness to continually enter this contest is testimony to a delusional personality and his narcissism. His does make me smile a knowing smile. So hopefully he'll be back in weeks to come.)

131 comments:

boneguy said...

Look at the upside. The foundation inspection should be a breeze.

Anonymous said...

"We could always flip it after your mother moves in."

Rob

Anonymous said...

"Did I just hear the toilet flush?"

Bodo

JohnnyB said...

It's for sale ... half off.

Eric G said...

...and as an exclusive perk for anti-cap contest winners we provide a weekend getaway at our exclusive mountain-view resort. Eric, your room is down the hall to the right.

james said...

There's a lean on it.

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"I'd make an offer soon. This property is definitely moving."

David Macharelli said...

"I don't see how this passed inspection without a handrail."

Satireguy said...

"Plus you don't need a sewer system."

Anonymous said...

"Sure, the location is a little edgy, but I think you will be able to maintain a real balance here, especially in the fall."


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Seriously, I’d get in now before the market bottoms out.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Just another Fallingwater rip-off."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

It's the economy, stupid.

Anonymous said...

It's a good deal, but I suspect the value will continue to erode.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

"Fuck this, Helen. I want a man cave, not a man canyon."

Rob

JohnnyB said...

I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Gale, we're going to have to impound the house and arrest your niece for flying it without a license again.

JohnnyB said...

The landslide took the dead witch and 20 or 30 Munchkins with it.

JohnnyB said...

We call it the all in la cottage. It's a bit unstable.

Richard H said...

"I know it's not very realistic to think of us living here, Henry. But how many couples will ever get to say they leave in a Frank Cotham?"

Richard H said...

and without the Euro accent:

"I know it's not very realistic to think of us living here, Henry. But how many couples will ever get to say they live in a Frank Cotham?"

Anonymous said...

"The house is still in wonderful shape, but the previous owners let the condition of the grounds slide a bit." -cta

Gary P said...

"Trust me, this is the best way to be sure that we all die at the same time. Ready?"

Anonymous said...

"Walk-out basement, Fall-out basement. Eh, whatever." -cta

Anonymous said...

"Wine cellar? No it's more like a 'terrifying scream' cellar." -cta

Anonymous said...

"The framing is all completed, but you might have to 'plummet' yourself." -cta

boneguy said...

Let me guess. The last owner was a bespectacled curmudgeon who landed here with his boy scout friend after his balloons ran low on helium.

Satireguy said...

"Good question. Let's just say it used to have a garage."

Anonymous said...

"The kids always wanted a teeter-totter."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

It has a detached garage.

Jim Cavanaugh

Meadowlark Lemon said...

"This house is a real lemming"

Anonymous said...

"'Infity edge pool' is realtor jargon for 'your house is going to fall into the ocean'"

Anonymous said...

"You're dwelling on the cliff instead of the dwelling on the cliff."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

Shut up Bob, everyone knows your home's a cliff-on.

--Dex

Wendy said...

"It's perfectly safe now. We got rid of the poltergusts."

Anonymous said...

The main floor is chopped up, but the basement has an open floor plan.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Let's be amicable. I'll take the car and you can keep the house.

Jim Cavanaugh

G & K_Lutz said...

"Screw this, let's just go back to Amityville."

Damon said...

"The market's recovering! DON'T JUMP!"

Roger Kaputnik said...

And the nominees for Best Actor are: JEFF BRIDGES in "The Door in the Floor II: Watch Out It's a Real Doozy." (applause)

anne_frank said...

"You're not selling me Helen Keller's house."

N_Bates said...

"Honey, it's fine. We can put a ramp in front for your mother's wheelchair and she can have the quiet room in the back."

Damon said...

"What fucking idiot house builder would put the smallest window on the side with the view?"

Blonde said...

The sellers recently relocated so it's currently vacant.

Anonymous said...

"Psssst..., pretend you're not in love with it."

Hank

Anonymous said...

"It's butte-tee-ful. I give you twenty dollars now and forty dollars on Thursday if it still here, no?"

Jorge

Shane said...

"But what happened to the last house on the left?"

Gary P said...

"I don't mind seeing the Birds, but they never clean the droppings out of their roost."

Mike Mariano said...

"What's that, Housey? Timmy fell down this giant gorge? Good work, boy! But you should probably stop slobbering over him."

Doug in Samarra said...

"Who are you kidding? This has always been your lot in life."

Jaques Lord said...

"Oh, that's just God's easement."

Priority Man said...

"Well sure, but we're also looking at the last house for sale in the state's best school district."

Austin in PA said...

I'm so happy you're interested in the property, Mr. Beck. It is, after all, the last house remaining from the City on the Hill.

Austin in PA said...

The previous owner sold the mineral rights to BP. Fraking natural gas wells....

Austin in PA said...

Sorry about that. A creeper blew up last night.

boneguy said...

I know Thelma was the wild one, but this place was Louise's idea.

Karen said...

As Mr. Silverstien found out, this is where the sidewalk ends.

Tim H said...

"Didn't that sign out front say 'NO TIPPING'?"

Kathy H said...

"Let's see. It's 20 percent down, and the balance is due...um, it's negotiable."

Blonde said...

It's light and airy and has a view to die for!

BaaRam said...

"Feels hilly, you crazy bastard. House our ewe?"

Don't call me Shirley said...

"This is some bluff, isn't it?"

Bad Ronald said...

"It's what we in the industry call a 'Gooch'."

Anonymous said...

I was hoping you would drop over.

Rocko

Gary P said...

"Big deal. There's a 75 ton counterbalance by the fireplace."

Anonymous said...

The current owners are underwater.

-Lev/Leo

Eric G said...

No wonder. Didn't you hire that asshole parachuting attorney to handle the closing?

Eric G said...

You'd rather live in a black neighborhood?

A_Bunker said...

"Aaaarchie, I still don't see why we have to move."
"Because, Edith, that fuckin' Meathead will never move out and this is even farther away from those eastside Jeffersons. Now go get my chair from the car."

Utellme said...

"When you folks told me you were teetering on bankruptcy, I just knew I had the perfect home for you."

Cliff Hanger said...

One thing you don't have to worry about are those pesky developers.

Tara Firma said...

"There's very solid earth on the front end of the property and somewhat aerated soil in back. Perfect conditions for gardening at about half the cost."

Mission George said...

short sale, steep drop in price

Tierra Santa said...

This is no house of ill-repute. It says here it's insulated with "Kentucky Jelly"

Billy Goat Bluff said...

"Go ahead, take a look around inside, suckers, er, uh, 'Mr. and Mrs. Banks'. I'll wait here."

How Could I Say No? said...

"In a few thousand years, the tide will rise high enough to push the house forward a couple hundred yards. Think of the return on your investment then!"

Utellme said...

"This house ROCKS!"

Sunny & Cher Noble said...

"In Soviet Union, yuri housey andropov a cliff"

The Grand Wizard of Oz, Mississippi said...

Dorthy just loved that old Darkie lawn jockey but now all she talks about are flying monkeys

Paul Lynde's Realtor Brother said...

Oh Tad,you and Brady could actually share an actual Cape Cod that is Actually in Cape Cod.Oh The irony of it all!

Anonymous said...

"Look, we buy it now, roll it over into the valley, resale it at a higher price and get the tax exemption to boot. I know what I'm fucking doing."

dwilk

Glenn said...

"Must suck to be hung over all the time."

Anonymous said...

"Few selling, you crazy bastion of despair? How the heck are you still alive?"

dwilk

David said...

"Honey, what happens if the market goes off a cliff? We don't want to be under water on the mortgage."

Blonde said...

Rumor is that the sellers are highly motivated-

Tim H said...

"No, there is no lien on this house. Um...just how do you spell that?"

Kathy H said...

"...and last year the owners had a wild Sinkhole de Mayo party."

Anonymouse said...

"You're looking for a split-level? Come back next week."

Kathy H said...

"I don't usually ask about my clients' political persuasions, but, in this case, it might be better if you leaned to the left."

Tim H said...

"Ever hear of the term 'housing starts'? Well, if this housing starts falling down the mountain, head for the hills."

Sam Antic said...

"Now that's what I call real estate listing!"

Chevy said...

"A house united can stand."

Legerdemain said...

"It's in a precarious state -- California. Al, are you in there?"

Anonymous said...

"The seller took a bad fall last week. Remains to be seen where he landed."

Rob

Eric G said...

The houses here careen

Wassup said...

"House. It hanging!"

Anonymous said...

"..and this house was owned by Charlie Sheen during one of his more stable periods..." -cta

Kathy H said...

"The current owner is Howard Elliot, the seesaw scion."

Tim H said...

"I'm sorry, that was a typo. Instead of saying 'the house is a beaut,' the ad should have said 'the house is on a butte.'"

One of those Crazies said...

"Honey, I shall name our new estate 'The US as Run by Obama". It's not as catchy as Reata, Wayne Manor, or Southfork, but it works. Btw, are we in Kenya?"

Anonymous said...

Mr. and Mrs. al are giving Eric G. a great deal on the old place.

NoPatsFan

Satireguy said...

"You might say it's a fixer-downer."

Anonymous said...

I read your book Mr. Rumsfeld, and I'd love to put you into this house.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Thanks, but we're waiting to get in at the bottom.

Jim Cavanaugh

Sh!t Housed said...

"Go ahead and jump, House. You've always been a loser. Absolutely no one will miss you."

Movie Bluff said...

"Your erosion insurance policy was in the basement?"

Don't call me Dave said...

Is that house eating cookies?
It looks kind of crumby!

Anonymous said...

"Is the pope catholic? Do they sell stamps at the post office? Did the Jets win the Super Bowl?"

Hank

boneguy said...

Make an offer quick before it becomes a cracked house.

Satireguy said...

"Not only is it a Cape Cod house, the good news is that it will soon actually be situated on Cape Cod."

Anonymous said...

“It’s my best listing by a landslide.”


Rob

Gary P said...

"Trick or treat ... or treat or treat or treat or..."

smuck said...

"At Beazer Homes, we are as proud of our homes as we are of our accounting practices."

Subprime said...

"Buy now, pay later."

Ruth N. Lending said...

"Like so many other first time buyers, you're just a down payment away from living on the edge."

Glenn said...

"Scab house. You don't even need to pick at it. It will fall off all by itself."

Anonymous said...

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll come to an agreement . . . just don’t get pushy.”



---blw

What A. Waist said...

"If you're lucky, you will have sex first and then die in your sleep."

Toolbox said...

"Makes you shutter, doesn't it?"

Anonymous said...

"What part of dirt-cheap don't you understand?"

Peter Bear

Anonymous said...

"Jeez, I told you this would happen if we left the kids alone for the night . . . didn't you learn anything from that drive in the desert five weeks ago???"

---blw

Isadoor said...

"Don't worry, it's not a crack house."

Isawindow said...

"If they can overlook it, so can you."

Trapped said...

"There she was, quietly reading 'Gone With the Wind' on her Kindle, when her water broke."

Steve_O said...

"And it's still part of a triple "A" rated security."

Satireguy said...

"And the schools in this area are first-rate."

Anonymous said...

Really? I hear there's a high drop-out rate.

School Dazed

Magnuson Moss said...

"Don't worry, it comes with a lifetime warranty."

C.U. Later said...

"Are you two up for a self guided tour?"

David said...

"Mr. Wilpon, is there anything you can't run aground?"

steve_o said...

"If the house is a rockin', don't come knockin'. Because you'll plummet to your death."

Eric G said...

He's locked himself in room 237 and refuses to issue a winner. I did find stacks of paper with the following typed methodically: "all work and no play makes alinla a dull boy."

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.