"Then why not just judge the stupid contest? No one needs to know who you really are."
"Christ, what an asshole."
"Oedipus complex? Good luck with that."Jim Cavanaugh
"Shut up St. Pete. Everyone knows your halo is a clip on."
"Ok, let me read this back. Whopper with cheese, large fries, chicken tenders, large chocolate shake."
C'mon JohnnyB, give me another caption
"How does it make you feel to know you let all those children be raped and killed?"
"A little too much 'Cinco de Mayo' ... Eh!"
All of my patients have already committed suicide.
I know how fond you are of your sandals, but Zappos doesn't deliver to this zip code.
Yeah, I also have a hard time believing she was a virgin.
"Yes, Mr. Trump, I realize you are trying to build your image with the evangelicals but the numbers are still soft, sir."
"I know it's distressing, but Mr. Cosby gave quaaludes to a lot of people, God. Maybe you shouldn't wear a dress."
What do you like to smote in your spare time?
"Yes, I too have found it a bit odd that people in porn movies always seem to be calling your name."
"So if you didn't tell those 16 Republicans to run for President, who did?"
"I see you're left-handed, Mastur."
"up and at'm sir. It's Monday."
"Relax boss, "Trump"s Heavenly Paradise and Casino' is just one of the names they're floating. I say take the meeting."
"Halo, everybody, Halo!".
I believe in you.
"..oh and one more item: The Koch Brothers are suing you because you neglected to give them even a shred or decency. Legal says we should settle."
"Of course, you have a God complex, Dumbfuck."
Paternity test results came back and despite his claim to the contrary, Bono is not your son.
Hey, slow down people! If we enter too many captions, al might actually judge this contest.
"So when you were going to touch Adam's finger you felt 'it' move- that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay."
"And the Holocaust and tsunami deaths and ethnic cleansing and the like bother you? Just have people say that you work in mysterious ways. Problem solved."
"I'm sorry, I'm not understanding any of this about your dead son and his mother and how you got his grandmother pregnant."
"This next question comes from Kathy H...She asks, "Oh my God, why are you wearing a sombrero?"
"My God, that was a huge fart!"
"Okay here's what we have so far….God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"God say, "No." Abe say, "What ?"God say, "You can do what you want Abe, butThe next time you see me comin' you better run"Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done ?"God says. …SO…What rhymes with "killin' done' ? ….."
"Okay…Last time we were talking about your control issues…."
"You didn't make Caitlyn Jenner and you didn't make Adam and Steve. And this bothers you for some reason?"
"It's perfectly natural behavior for Republican presidential candidates. You can't take it personally."
I'll put in a call to "The Queer Eye" crew and we'll have this place up to date in no time.
"It seems your subscription to the 'Watchtower', is about to expire!
"How many crosses have you burned you retard white supremacist?"
"So, letting Timmy fall down the well is your only regret?"
Now that God's unconscious, I'll just add a few things to his list...
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