Monday, May 11, 2015

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest No. 475




WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"C'mon al, throw us a bone."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This kind of hit home because I do have a beard and enjoy barbequing. I also feel an occasional tinge of guilt for taking the the anti-cap to its logical extreme: A wasteland of lame jokes and dumb puns lingering in cyberspace with the wanting desperate eyes of a young lad who just wants to play catch with his always-too-busy dad. If you are represented by the guy in the limo you understand the importance of time management and indifference to the suffering of others. But I am sentimental, so here's your metaphorical bone...)
SECOND PLACE
Jeeves, call the Koch brothers and have them quintuple the price of chicken.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A pointed political barb with a logical flaw. The Koch boys would take the chicken and have the man arrested for something. Also, while I have you: Former NYC mayor Ed Koch's last name rhymed with “crotch.” Detractors made good use of that. [Like having a Dallas Cowboys' QB whose last name rhymes with “homo,” say.] But the Billionaire Brothers pronounce their notorious last name in a way that sounds like “coke.” That seems unfair.)
THIRD PLACE
"How do I get to Mount Clitoris?"--Greenie Stik-M-Caps (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Practice.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Cacciatore, you crazy bastard! How are you?"--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good use of a classic, albeit a counterintuitive use of BBQ chicken.)
"Christ, what an ass hole-shaped cave."--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A bit of a stretch to accommodate a classic. But maybe the guy cooking in the cave represents a persistent burning sensation, and the guy in the limo symbolizes a 4 oz. tube of roid-relief goo that costs $23. So this could be a statement about greedy pharmaceutical companies, although I realize it probably is not. )

al, it's Dr. Sumguy. You can get your internet back up for as little as $9.99/mo.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: But we now get it “free” as part of our $102 a month cable package. [Yeah, I know. Go figure.] Quick story: While staying in a hotel in NYC a few weeks ago, we also had “free” internet, but it was slow and you were asking for trouble if you had more than one window open at a time. Luckily they also offered a “premium service” for $12 a day. That's just the way the world works.)
"Come on al ... Do something ... Any thing ... Bite the Pullet!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The only thing that can stop a Sumguy with a bad pun is ANYONE with a better pun. It has also been said that all that's needed for bad puns to triumph, is for lazy preoccupied judges to do nothing. Noted.)



23 comments:

boneguy said...

Jeeves, call the Koch brothers and have them quintuple the price of chicken.

boneguy said...

al,it's Dr. Sumguy. You can get your internet back up for as little as $9.99/mo.

Shelly said...

"Cacciatore, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Come on al ... Do something ... Any thing ... Bite the Pullet!"

JohnnyB said...

You're taking this paleo diet a bit too far.

Dex said...

"Damn, I thought we had eradicated paleo."

Anonymous said...

"Christ, what an ass hole-shaped cave."

Jim Cavanaugh

Tim H said...

"Dick Whitman, is that you??"

Anonymous said...

Rocks are not a liquid asset.

Anonymous said...

"C'mon al, throw us a bone."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Do you have valet parking?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"I need to see your Health Department inspection certificate. How long is the wait?"

Kathy H said...

"I am so trashing you on Yelp!"

boneguy said...

Mr. Gore called from his private jet objecting to your reckless disregard of global warming.

Tim H said...

"Vote for Pedro."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Hey! Hey! HEY! What the fuck year is this?"

Tim H said...

"Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon?"

boneguy said...

Listen lady, when Donald Trump sees with his own eyes that the middle class is thriving, you can take his word for it

Dex said...

"Get him some bootstraps."

NJ-to-TX said...

"That's Jerry Salim? He looks like a real dick."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"How do I get to Mount Clitoris?"

Anonymous said...

Pardon me, Would you have any Grey Poupon?

NJ-to-TX said...

This was the last fucking contest judged!

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