Sunday, January 11, 2015

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #459




WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
I fold.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Visually, this would work better if he was doubled over in a fetal position. Still, this may be how people who play poker with no cards or chips raise the stakes. It may also be a metaphor or the futility of man's existence.)
SECOND PLACE
"Maybe some boxes shouldn't be thought outside of."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Expectations are like asses: Everyone has one, some bigger than others. )
THIRD PLACE
"Not exactly an Algonquin Round Table, but it'll have to do."--Kathy H JUDGE'S COMMENT: References a conclave of smart, witty writers and artists who regularly gathered to drink and complain at the Algonquin Hotel near Times Sq. A knew a guy who tended bar there and he would let me drink for free. Closest I came.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS

"I know what you’re thinking: 'Did he see six mice or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being that this is the most powerful corporation in the world, and could blow your careers to Hell if this goes viral, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Does he get the promotion?' Well, do I, assholes?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Of course, we always give props to Clint. Still, this is a reach and it also trivializes a great movie line. Those prone to leap on a chair at the sight of a mouse will do so whether there is one or six. Don't ask me how I know this.)

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

I put you on a pedestal because I want to fuck you

Anonymous said...

"Whose ass do you have to kiss around here to get a raise?"

REX said...

"EXCUSE ME! If we are discussing the continuing marginalization of white males, I want a seat on the table."

Tim H said...

"So, we all agree to table the matter."

Shelly said...

"I suggest you get the hell out of here by ten 'cause the sphinx will be dropping in."

Anonymous said...

"Knock it up, you two."

LR said...

"I am not upskirting you- it's more like straightskirting."

Anonymous said...

"...97..98..99..100. Okay! Ready or not, here I come."

Kathy H said...

"C'mon. Just because I can't prove that I'm not a robot, you guys won't let me up there??"

Anonymouse said...

"Do you really think that the water main break will make up to the 45th floor?"

Dex said...

"I see you've escalated the issue."

Kathy H said...

"Not exactly an Algonquin Round Table, but it'll have to do."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Hey! The reservation was for 'Open Table'!"

boneguy said...

Your argument does have a certain circular logic.

NJ-to-TX said...

"So this was the white guy's idea, after they fired the black guy?"

JohnnyB said...

When I asked if you all want to get high, I meant by using illegal hard drugs.

JohnnyB said...

Somehow the Chinese acrobats were a lot more impressive.

boneguy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr Sumguy said...

"Fucking Table Hoppers!"

SalmonOfDoubt said...

Are the drugs working yet?

Anonymous said...

I fold.

boneguy said...

I don't know. I thought that a human lazy Susan would have more of a wow factor.

Dr Sumguy said...

"I see we've been shopping at 'Overstock.com'!"

REX said...

"Worst. Gangbang. Ever!"

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"It's like watching dry paint."

gfwrite said...

It's OK. You figured it out. My farts ARE heavier than air.

Jabba said...

"I trust you three dipshits realize you're as high as you will ever get in this company."

Anonymous said...

"I know what you’re thinking: 'Did he see six mice or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being that this is the most powerful corporation in the world, and could blow your careers to Hell if this goes viral, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Does he get the promotion?' Well, do I, assholes?

smuck said...

"Stop goofing around on the table and turn your attention to the big screen. We've got some serious Tetris to deal with here."

smuck said...

"OK, I think we've practiced enough. Let's go in there and show them how a leveraged buyout is done."

boneguy said...

As you are, technically, no longer on US soil, divert every penny in profits to our offshore account.

Anonymous said...

"You're right- it does suck to be short."

NJ-to-TX said...

"So how do we do the rest of Beethoven's Fifth? Never thought that far, huh?"

Anonymous said...

"Look, I just couldn't hold it any longer. But it's not as if I'm flooding the place, OK wise guys?"

Steve_O said...

"Did I miss a memo?"

Steve_O said...

"Maybe some boxes shouldn't be thought outside of."

gfwrite said...

I can assure you, the flooring is gluten free.

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