Monday, December 8, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #455


49 comments:

LR said...

"Christ, what a glasshole."

REX said...

"Go ahead Emily. You were talking about your fear of being mistaken by the cops for a black man."

JohnnyB said...

No, Miss Evans, I have diagnosed you as paranoid. Ergo, they are out to get me.

JohnnyB said...

Look at the shape of this broken window and tell me what you see.

JohnnyB said...

Normally up here it's only disillusioned words that bark like bullets, but these appear to be the real thing.

Shelly said...

"There can be no better boost for your self-esteem right now than becoming a human shield."

Anonymouse said...

"To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a bullet is just a bullet."

Tim H said...

"You'd think that with six degrees I'd have an office in a better neighborhood."

Kathy H said...

"Color me crazy, but I think that guy has some anger issues."

SalmonOfDoubt said...

Okay, what’s your second biggest fear?

Anonymous said...

You're really just going to lie there like a dead fish? No wonder your husband is so frustrated with you.

Anonymous said...

Stop shooting! There are no black teenagers in here!

Anonymous said...

"Fusillade, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

Sorry I've had to rob banks to make ends meet.

Anonymous said...

"I'm still listening, Emily. So you raped your dad when he was twelve?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"It's my wife. She knows about your transference issues."

boneguy said...

I'm guessing the Sopranos will be no shows.

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's Darren Wilson! ... I cancelled his 11 o'clock!"

boneguy said...

Hang on. I'm almost through role playing with Phil, my wannabe cop patient.

Anonymous said...

I'd rather not discuss my personal life with a patient.

Tim H said...

"I just hate the caliber of people around here!"

Kathy H said...

"Jokes on them. This gun is fake."

Anonymous said...

"They're not shooting at a black guy. Only three bullets."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"They're not shooting at a black guy. Only three bullets."

Jim Cavanaugh

smuck said...

"Don't worry. It's just some quarters flying out of a malfunctioning Coinstar machine. Well, Obama did promise change."

smuck said...

Go on. You were telling me about your bisexual urges... What you might call a 'bi drive'.

Anonymouse said...

"Ms. Harris, can you please let me know when your session is over? Thanks."

Kathy H said...

"It's that Nutty Salmon, again!"

Anonymous said...

“Tempers flare when a Freudian like me sees a Jung girl like you.”

Jabba said...

"It's that asshole Tom Cruise again!"

Tim H said...

"Jeez! Just because a fella is late with his dues payment to the NRA..."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He has a preoccupation with vengeance ... We'll see about that!"

Anonymous said...

"If this motherfucker doesn't stop firing in the next 47 minutes, I'm going to blast him to smithereens."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"He goes by G. Will Acres Knoll. His friends call him Grassy."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Damn it! It's the three wise guys in the manger again!"

JohnnyB said...

Kathy H, I didn't know about your link to organized crime

Mr. Potter said...

"Every time a protestor shoots out a cracker's window having mistaken his office for a liquor store or Best Buy an African American angel get its wings. Attaboy, Clarence!"

Anonymous said...

"Nothing stands between me and my six decrees of separation."

Anonymous said...

I Sharded ,rabbit-style

smuck said...

"I believe in my God-given right to bear arms. And I exercise that right regularly, thank you very much. Now just hang out there while I settle this minor billing dispute."

Anonymous said...

"So any progress with that firearm phobia?"

Rex said...

"The police powers here are insane."

Dex said...

"Jeez, all we did was discuss 'The Interview'!"

gfwrite said...

Uh, are there three bullets suspended over my head or am I just imagining it?

Anonymous said...

"It all started in Egypt really, they had it made but that was not good enough. They just kept pushing and pushing until they were forced into slavery. Then they bought into all the fancifully ideas of a man well trained in the teachings of "Ra" who promised them the world so they would not turn on him and it has been downhill ever sense.

Don Don said...

"Hell is a real possibility for everyone that has ever lived."

Don Don said...

"Tell me, dose your mother drive a grey Sedan?"

Anonymous said...

“Kathy, it looks like Tom’s figured out we’ve been linking up.”

Anonymous said...

"Well, I am afraid to ask, Is that your husband out there trying to kill me, or your Father, or your brother?"

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.