"The Christians had Hell right, but basically you're fucked either way."
Somebody stole the pearls. We're not taking chances anymore.
The fucking clouds get all over everything. They stick to your face everything. And yes, P. C. Vey is very talented at signing his name in the cloud.
"He likes Turner Classic Movies, what can I say."
What did you think Jew Heaven would look like?
Think of it as Gitmo for good people.
Ever since ISIS arrived on the scene, I've been getting wicked writer's cramp.
It's "Steampunk Week".
This one guy did escape a couple thousand years ago, but he was sent back to us on a cross pretty quickly.
Guten tag, herr Hitler.
"Hello, Mr. Concertina, we've been waiting for you."
"Much like the Roach Motel®, you can check in, but you can't check out."
"It's called irony."
"We can't have any more Negroes entering the House of the Lord looking to find Christ."
"There's no open carry in here. Drop 'em and spread your butt cheeks."
"Anyone caught upskirting or playin' grab-ass spends a night in the box."
"Hey, you just made it under the wire!"
"For some of our inmates the concept of eternity is a total mindfuck."
"We're a little tight financially so we've taken a contract with the American penal system."
"Get over it, Pussy."
"Heaven is a sinister place."
"It's our Artists-in-Residence's take on a Crown of Thorns."
"We welcome all. Even the one-armed and faceless. But, just don't try to, y'know, escape."
"Its a pretty simple translation problem--'electric razor wire' came out as 'pearly'"
"When I first started here this was a much nicer neighborhood."
"According to your will, you specified a gated community!"
"The barbed wires fence? That's because people are….wait for it….dying to get in. Get it? DYING to get it? Here in hell you'll hear silly puns like that all the time. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. EVERY DAY!" (Hideous satanic laugh.)
"We had to put it up after that Jesus guy got out and was loose for 3 days"
"I'm sorry⎯while you were laying around in a drug induced coma authorized by your ex-wife, your wireless access plan expired two business days before you did."
"Before I let your participles pass, you'll have to pay your syntax."
Do you know any dead IT guys? My database software is as old as creation.
"OK, it's been overhyped, but apparently the joint down the road has rivers of booze and 72 horny virgins on tap."
"The toilet? ... Cloud 9, and this time put the seat up!"
"I have you down for 'Go To Hell' at seven! ... Remember if your a no show ... We'll still charge your MasterCard!"
"How many time do I have to say, No one gets in until everyone gets in?"
"I know Jesus, it has been a long wait."
"It is Heaven OR Hell".
"Eternity is eternity until that "First generation" that gets it right."
The fucking TSA just doesn't know when to stop.
Do you have a reservation?
I will judge you long before Al does.
Yeah, well, ya know, everyone's got "the right God" and we can't have them getting mixed up.
'We did not want to make it too easy for the Mexicans to get in."
This is a fasaude. There is no "Other" place but Earth ... Dumb ass.
"It is what it is."
"It's all a plan perpetrated by the man to keep us all down."
"Remember that time you screamed 'fuck you, God' when your wife died? Well, fuck you, Steve!"
"Some just can't take "No" for an answer".
"LOL, Can't have heaven until you stop the killing".
"Don't worry. No one will judge you here."
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