Tuesday, September 2, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #441

















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"...and yet, nothing seems to fit me."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Clearly this is a tribute to the classic B. J. Thomas hit “Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head.” The lyrics include these lines: “Just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed. Nothing seems to fit. Oh, raindrops keep fallin'...” It's not just Dylan stuff that I know, you realize.)
SECOND PLACE
I'm shedding scales.--Toren (age 5) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There is no way to varify this entrant's age, but I find it hard to believe anyone would try and lie their way into the winner's circle. This contest was once won by a 4 year-old, so Toren is not our youngest winner. I'm also not sure why this is supposed to be funny or ironic or anything but it's important  that we attract a new generation of Anti-Cappers so...)
THIRD PLACE

"Worm is just like crack--one bite and you're hooked."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of a little bit funny. Crack does make people bone thin, but there are also some negatives repurcussions as well. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Fusilli, you crazy Bass turd! How are you?"--nonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure whatever. Keep the classics alive at any cost. Being called “bass trud” is probably worse that being called a “bastard.” )


The devourers here are picean.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Johnny. To quote J.B.: “I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on.” )





40 comments:

boneguy said...

Guess who's the new VP for Corporate Transparency?

boneguy said...

Of all the places to open an undersea diner!

Steve_O said...

"Yeah? Well maybe you're too fat."

Anonymouse said...

"Pisces. What's yours?"

Kathy H said...

"I'm a bonefish. Capische?"

Abe Vigoda said...

"I had a hit song a few years ago, but it's been slim pickings ever since."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Following my Gastric Bypass, I've never had very high regard for therapists. I owe my health, my mental survival, to my friends and loved ones. ... Salmon Rushdie!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I can't keep anything down, even water!"

Anonymous said...

"Fusilli, you crazy Bass turd! How are you?"

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm Abe Vigoda

Anonymous said...

"And then I told him, 'Hell, yes, I want to get boned...'"

Dex said...

"Worm is just like crack--one bite and you're hooked."

Dex said...

"Filletio. Not what I expected."

Anonymous said...

Gezundheit!

Dr Sumguy said...

"Last thing I remembered, was being wrapped in a newspaper, and thrown on Luca Brasi's porch!"

boneguy said...

Last week dyslexia. This week anorexia.

JohnnyB said...

Sorry, Charlie, the Star Kist people don't want to eat your flesh.

pg13 said...

"To make matters worse, insurance didn't even cover the cat scan."

Dr Sumguy said...

"No one cared ... Until, I missed a couple of car payments!"

Tim H said...

"...and yet, nothing seems to fit me."

NJtoTX said...

"And then I said, 'Oh, yeah? Well, eat me, douchebag!'"

Janet said...

"Dunno- last thing I remember was her saying.''I have a bone to pick with you!'

pg13 said...

"Fuckin' Lent."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Retired. ... Spent 20 years being tossed in the 'Pike Place Fish Market'!"

Toren (age 5) said...

I'm shedding scales.

JohnnyB said...

The devourers here are picean.

boneguy said...

Technically, it doesn't meet the standard definition of over-fishing.

Dr Sumguy said...

"It all started with a coin toss ... Heads or Tails!"

NJtoTX said...

"I don't think that Far Side is funny anymore."

LR said...

"I brought a couple of riblets- do you mind?"

gfwrite said...

I tell ya Gil, I try to let women see my inner sole but they see right through me.

Kathy H said...

"Yeah, the residuals from my Diver Dan days just ain't cutting it anymore."

Boof said...

"I've decided to become a catwalk model."

Tim H said...

"Yeah, I lost a few pounds, but it was mostly water weight."

NJtoTX said...

"She told me she was really into boners."

Don Don said...

"My doctor said he had to cut out all the radioactive particles that I must have picked up around Japan".

jim said...

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Anonymous said...

"Mmm, tuna spam!"

SalmonOfDoubt said...

Applebee’s. Applebee’s is where we go when we die.

Anonymous said...

"I did a parasite cleanse and well, who knew?"

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