Monday, September 8, 2014

New Yorker Anti Caption Contest #442

   

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Where in hell did you learn to drive?"

--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was the first cap entered in this contest and Jimbo knocked it out of the park. Laugh out loud funny. Maybe Jim's best anti-cap ever. It is also hit home. Full disclosure: It's something I often want to yell at Chinese women driving minivans.)
SECOND PLACE
"We should have listened to that guy yelling, 'You're gonna have to swerve, somebody.'"--NJtoTX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A masterful combination of a Dylan lyric and a terrible pun. "Gotta Serve Somebody" also takes note of the devil so it is appropriate for the image.)

THIRD PLACE

"I know I backed into you, but can we just blame you like we always do?"--NJtoTX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Unlikely that the angel would ask permission before assigning blame. Metaphorically, the devil may represent victims who have been demonized. This may also be a statement about the conflict that tears at the soul of every man. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I still love you"
"I hate you even more"--Don Don (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Evil does not thrive on hate. It's more of a conquest thing. An even so, the accident is clearly the fault of the devil. You don't address that, do you Don?)
Fuckn-A Satan, we just crushed the shit out of Ollie from Kukla, Fran ans Ollie.--big G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get this but I thought it should be praised because I recall KF&O from my childhood.)
"The caption police should be here any minute."--Veteran crapper and total loser (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Remember, the caption police at the NYer won't let you get away with dirty words, racism, sexism, bad taste and horrible puns. They offer no quarter to the humorless semi-coherent rantings of the dissatisfied masses. They know not the value of Dylan references included only to placate the judge. Does this mean we should form an anti-caption police force? This could get ugly.)
The first rule of anti-capping is that your entry could NEVER ever even be considered for the real contest. Keep this in mind--Veteran capper and repeated winner (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually the first rule of anti-capping is: Never tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking.)


70 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Where in hell did you learn to drive?"

Jim Cavanaugh

Dex said...

"My insurance only covers Acts of God."

pg13 said...

"At least they're just company cars."

pg13 said...

"In ten thousand years we'll just look back on it and laugh."

Anonymous said...

"Halo? Did you say Halo? Well Hello to you too, asshole."

big G said...

Fuckn-A Satan, we just crushed the shit out of Ollie from Kukla, Fran ans Ollie.

boneguy said...

I tell all my clients to check over BOTH shoulders.

Anonymous said...

"Christ. What an ass-ender."

Jim Cavanaugh

Dr Sumguy said...

"Why dincha honk your red horn?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"You know of course ... Violating the rules of the Demon Lane ... Is punishable by a $491 fine!"

Janet said...

"Listen buddy- cut the 'holier than thou crap'!"

Zuzu Bailey said...

“Every time a bumper crunches, an angel's insurance premiums raise to high Heaven.”

Tim H said...

"Let's agree to disagree."

boneguy said...

Don't tell me how "The Exorcist" ends.

boneguy said...

I'm technically no longer an angel since I missed my last car payment .

boneguy said...

No I didn't know it was "National Dress Like A Hedge Fund Manager Day".

boneguy said...

Pleased to meet you. Don't forget my name.

Dex said...

"I forgive you, but with Geico, there will be hell to pay."

JohnnyB said...

Did it hurt ... when you fell from Heaven?

Anonymouse said...

"Sorry I stopped so quickly. I couldn't decide if I should go to Los Angeles or to Anaheim."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I have a 'Halolash'! ... I hope your covered by that fucking little gecko!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"This is Hegenberger Road in Oakland! ... Let's get the Hell out'a here!"

Kathy H said...

"Goddamn it!"

NJtoTX said...

"We should have listened to that guy yelling, 'You're gonna have to swerve, somebody.'"

NJtoTX said...

"I know I backed into you, but can we just blame you like we always do?"

Anonymous said...

"I was on my way to heaven until I took it in the ass."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Glad you're OK. Without you, I'm nobody."

Dex said...

"It's a miracle no one was killed."

Tim H said...

"Those Car Talk guys are Catholic, right?"

boneguy said...

Sure my neck is broken. Luckily I come equipped with a Halo Device.

Anonymous said...

"Loose-a-who? Do you know who I am you texting son of a bitch?"

Ell Bound said...

"That almost hurt as much as you rear-ending me the other night without lube"

Satireguy said...

"And I suppose now you're going to tell me that you've got no insurance."

Satireguy said...

"Pitchfork you, buddy!"

boneguy said...

You must have been in my blind faith spot.

Shelly said...

"You hit me so hard that in my head I think there be bells, eh, Bub."

Anonymous said...

"Is that the new iFork 6?"

Cymekus said...

You'll just fuck people up the ass any way you.

LR said...

"I'm not sure Kia is proud of it, but it looks like you do have a Soul after all."

MitchMatch said...

This is what happens when the Devil is hauling ash!

MitchMatch said...

I'm an Independent, I didn't see you signal for a left or right wing turn

MitchMatch said...

This is exactly what happens when the Devil gets
Shift-faced

MitchMatch said...

Hell - gaiting

MitchMatch said...

The Angel now has some sin in the game!

MitchMatch said...

I will never try parallel parking universe again

MitchMatch said...

Could someone text Mr.Moses to let him know I'm going to be about 10 minutes late for that Mountain Top meeting today?

MitchMatch said...

I knew I should have taken the Ark

MitchMatch said...

I will never try parallel universe parking again

MitchMatch said...

The hell with transition lenses!

NJtoTX said...

"Motherfucker, God is going to kill me."

Boof said...

"Heavens to Betsy! There's going to be hell to pay!"

Anonymous said...

"Follow Christ? Keep six car lengths."

Anonymouse said...

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help but think that your little cloven hooves on the brake pedal might have had something to do with this."

Veteran capper and repeated winner said...

The first rule of anti-capping is that your entry could NEVER ever even be considered for the real contest. Keep this in mind

Veteran crapper and total loser said...

"The caption police should be here any minute."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm not the owner! ... 'The Devil never grants long leases!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"My Insurance ... 'Guardian Angel' ... Yours ... 'NECESSARY EVIL COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKING PUSSYPRICKING GIRLSCOUT COOKIE BUYING LTD'!"

Anonymous said...

Yo "Veteran Capper and Repeated Winner". The two are synonymous.

Tim H said...

"The irony is that I have a dozen devil's food cakes in my trunk."

pg13 said...

"Not to rub it in, bro, but we get Christopher Hitchens and you wind up with Mother-Fuckin' Teresa."

JohnnyB said...

I guess this means we're both dead.

Janet said...

"Christ all mighty - you drive like you're on your way to a fire!!!

Anonymous said...

"Rear-ending another dude will get you a ticket straight to hell".

Jim Cavanaugh

Boof said...

"So much for divine intervention."

Satireguy said...

"It figures you'd be driving a Gremlin."

SalmonOfDoubt said...

My parents are going to kill me again.

Anonymous said...

Actually there was one witness.

Don Don said...

"I still love you"
"I hate you even more"

Anonymous said...

"I can't enable you"
"Death, life, this , all the same"

Anonymous said...

"Are we closer to Heaven or are we closer to Hell?"
"it depends on how fast you can stop talking."

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.