Thursday, July 24, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #436,







WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"The irony is that I have never actually seen a fish bowl."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Stupid, but in a thoughtful way. Absurd, yet somehow rational. Brings to mind that whole “you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish” thing. Most important, it took a second or two for me to get this. That much I appreciate.)
SECOND PLACE

Don-bub plee imbuh plool--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was posted three minutes after J.B. entered the rather bland cap: “Oh my god, did you just pee in the bowl?” It's as though he sat for a second, took bong hit and said (to himself as he exhaled): “You know what would be even funnier? If, like, the guys where talking under water. Fuck yeah! How can that NOT win?” Interestingly, the under water version does not include the “Oh my god” part. Maybe it just doesn't translate well. Blice blurk, J.B.)
THIRD PLACE
"I wonder how Abe Vigoda's doing?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure it's obscure, but why would these too guys care? Also Abe Vigoda wasn't sent to sleep with the fishes in GF I, it was the character he played, Salvatore Tessio. Like a dead maestro, he's decomposing nicely.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS

"The hours here are aquamarine."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Aquamarine is a light bluish-green color which would most likely NOT be evident in a fish bowl. Still, I have a fondness for the classics.)
I brought a couple of minnows, do you mind?--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This works because, apart from being fish, a “minnow” can refer to “a person of relatively small size, power, or influence.” You know, like an Anti-Cap judge.)

"Man, I could go for a Nutty Salmon just about now."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: At first I thought this was just an insensitive description of fish suffering from mental illness. Luckily, Kathy offered a link. The cap actually references a five-year old post on J.B.'s blog explaining a method for grilling fish. [Best line: “I rubbed a little olive oil on it...”] Once again Kathy's proves that her link-obsession is not without merit. Even so, Anti-Cap scholars will be justifiably outraged. Kathy previously included this link and I, of course, responded with the same lame joke. )


38 comments:

boneguy said...

God I hate sushi Thursdays.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Look away ... I feel a bowl movement coming on!"

boneguy said...

Floor to ceiling windows! Floor to ceiling windows! Are you happy now?

boneguy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"I'm tired of listening to your bowlshit."

Dex said...

"The hours here are aquamarine."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I have this eerie feeling, about being flushed down the toilet!"

Walt said...

Did you get a haircut?

Dex said...

"I feel like my memory is about three seconds ... I feel like my memory is about three seconds .... I feel like my memory is about three seconds."

Namby said...

"It's a metaphor you idiot. Look busy."

NJ-to-TX said...

"I hear that new receptionist likes it belly up."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Hey, check this out ... Wife stabs husband with a 'Squirrel' ... Yeah, got him right in the nuts!"

Tim H said...

"I wonder how Abe Vigoda's doing?"

JohnnyB said...

One minute I'm at a school carnival and then I get stuffed in a plastic bag and dumped out here.

JohnnyB said...

I brought a couple of minnows, do you mind?

reid savid said...

"I have to take a dump again."

Anonymous said...

"Sit up and code, Pussy."

Anonymous said...

"They could have given us some fucking gravel."

Shawn said...

What rhymes with lost souls?

Kathy H said...

"Man, I could go for a Nutty Salmon just about now."

Anonymous said...

You smell like trout.

Anonymous said...

The whole thing is fishy.

pg13 said...

"There are two things that taste like fish, and one of them is fish."

NJtoTX said...

"I'm really not happy working in a metaphor."

Rex said...

"At least we don't have to worry about that glass ceiling thing the chicks are always bitchin' about…Did you take my stapler?"

JohnnyB said...

Oh my god, did you just pee in the bowl?

JohnnyB said...

Don-bub plee imbuh plool

Roger Waters said...

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...year after year."

Anonymous said...

"Don't ask me. Look it up on Gurgle."

Jim Cavanaugh

Tim H said...

"The irony is that I have never actually seen a fish bowl."

boneguy said...

I don't know about you, but I'm drowning at work.

Dr Sumguy said...

"According to this note, the last occupant, was a Mr. Morris Goldfinch ... It reads ... 'I finally made it to the top, but I was Dead'!"

Dex said...

"I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I think we are eating way too much."

Satireguy said...

"People who work in glass bowls shouldn't get stoned."

Anonymous said...

"If there is no God then who fucked us over royally?"

Anonymous said...

"You're hungry and you have to go? In here that's called recycling."

Anonymous said...

"One of us will slowly float to the top."

suzi cohen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.