Tuesday, July 15, 2014

New York Anti-Cap Contest #435

















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

We've obviously been drawn into a black neighborhood.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A skillful combination of a tacky racist comment with a brilliant pun in the service of a quasi-classic. When J.B's on top of his game, it 's like watching Willie Mays play centerfield for the Giants. Unfortunately, when he is off, it's like watching Willie flounder around in right field for the Mets in '73.)
SECOND PLACE

"I think it's the alternator."--reid savid (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This cap works because it's one of those things people reflectively say when the car won't go. Still, the first two words are anti-Anti-Cap.)
THIRD PLACE

"Had a sign that read 'NO RADIO' ... The thief left a sign that read, 'GET ONE'!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Back in NYC, I had a removable radio that would slide out of the dash board. Naturally I kept it under the passenger seat for easy access. I was right. It was stolen. Not even a thank you note.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I'm thinking that there's a good Metropolitan Diary story in this."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There is no such thing as “good” Metropolitan Diary story. More likely, it's a story about a cab driver who had the courtesy to call 911 after slamming into a pedestrian. “He even used the napkins from his Taco Bell bag to stop the bleeding.”)
"It's a metaphor for the Anti - Cap Contest."
-- Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A blind man employed as a parking valet somehow seems more fitting.)
Time to move to la, mrs. al.--boneguy (Mrs. al in la's COMMENT: What's that have to do with the price of tea in China. If you are going to be esoteric you can't be the only one who gets the joke.)
"Now everything's a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped. Must have been an idiot wind."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: “What 's good is bad, what's bad is good. You'll find out when you reach the top, you're on the bottom.” A Dylan song I know off the top of my head as though I was reciting the alphabet. “Blood On The Tracks” is a fucking masterpiece. )
"Strangest thing. First I put my beer bottle on a piano, and then this happened!"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: At least you're following. Another quick, yet admittedly bland, story: I was at a party years ago and met "Weird Al" Yankovic. After we chatted briefly I said, “Well, I'll let you mingle.” To my surprise he said “No. Wait. Hang with me. I don't know anyone here.” Turns out he's real shy.)

Don't worry, we're in a New Yorker cartoon. There's black people to fear.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Awkward, obvious and clunky...also marred by the fact that the second sentence is grammatically wrong [should be “There're”]. In other words, Willie Mays in '73.)

50 comments:

james said...

"It's a metaphor for the Anti - Cap Contest."

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

His obit said he left behind a beautiful late model Chevy and four adorable subcompacts.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Had a sign that read 'NO RADIO' ... The thief left a sign that read, 'GET ONE'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Too bad ... 2.66% for another 14 months ... He woulda made it!"

james said...

"Shit."

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"Well at least we didn't get a parking ticket."

Anonymous said...

"Get in the car. We're gonna be late for the Tigers game."

reid savid said...

"I think it's the alternator."

Dex said...

"This neighborhood is a little sketchy."

Anonymous said...

"Jesus-Fucking-Christ. Nobody knows how to parallel park anymore."

boneguy said...

GM had a hard time describing to me what exactly this recall was for.

boneguy said...

Time to move to la, mrs. al.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Roll over. Play dead. Who's a smart car?! Who's a smart car?!"

Anonymous said...

Check to see if it has Gaza plates.

Grandpa said...

"If you think that's a dirty undercarriage, just wait until I take my pants off."

LR said...

"Don't worry, to bite you on the ass the rat would have to stand on its hind legs."

Dr Sumguy said...

"So much, for long term valet parking."

JohnnyB said...

We've obviously been drawn into a black neighborhood.

JohnnyB said...

Don't worry, we're in a New Yorker cartoon. There's black people to fear.

NJ-to-TX said...

"I'm really getting sick of those "Another Earth" people."

Tim H said...

"Strangest thing. First I put my beer bottle on a piano, and then this happened!"

Kathy H said...

"That's exactly how Joie Chitwood died."

Anonymouse said...

"Looks like Lyft is getting off on the wrong foot."

Kathy H said...

"I believe the expression 'wheels up' is only used in aircraft flying."

Anonymouse said...

"I hear that it slipped out of Evrolet Girl's hand."

Dr Sumguy said...

"The last thing I remembered, was blowing the chauffeur!"

Anonymous said...

"I got the rent down to $950 plus utilities plus free parking."

Anonymous said...

"You're in good hands with Allstate......titwise."

Kraut humour said...

Uber? More like Unter

Shawn said...

I'll get in and you push.

Anonymous said...

"C'mon C'mon, let's go! I just sold a rat's asshole to a blind man as a wedding ring."

Tim H said...

"I can't wait to see the CARFAX® Report on this sucker."

reid savid said...

"Go over there and ask that group of black men for help."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Now everything's a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped. Must have been an idiot wind."

Anonymouse said...

"It belongs to that couple with the upside-down sofa."

Too Soon? said...

"I understand that Russian-backed Ukrainian rebels did it."

pg13 said...

"I hate to tell you this, but you're in a handicapped spot."

Tim H said...

"I told you that when de Blasio moved out, this neighborhood would go downhill."

Anonymous said...

"Maude, where's my car?"

Anonymouse said...

"Looks like a 1952 Smash Rambler."

Anonymous said...

"I told you to leave the car running facing south, not facing earth."

Anonymous said...

"Consider yourself lucky. It would have killed Princess Di."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"I told you this cartoon would go to hell once they let black people in."

Anonymous said...

"A rat with a GPS couldn't find his way out of this shithole."

reid savid said...

"They're probably dead, let's go eat."

Kathy H said...

"You've heard of the neighborhood called DUMBO? Well, this is the neighborhood called DUMPO."

Anonymouse said...

"I'm thinking that there's a good Metropolitan Diary story in this."

Anonymous said...

"I called AAA and they said to call ∀∀∀."

Satireguy said...

"It looks like another case of autocide."

Tim H said...

"His last words were, 'Did I pass my driver's test?'"

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.