Monday, June 2, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Cap Contest # 431


















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Bob and I are plotting to kill P.C. Vey. You in?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Aside from the obvious reference to Bob Dylan, this wins because I share the author's distain for P.C. Vey. It's about time someone said what everyone was thinking.)

SECOND PLACE

"Did you slip me a Roofie? I'm feeling light-headed."--Ahole McAvoy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Pretty decent, pun-wise, because there is, evidently, a light affixed to his head. Extra credit for the anti-capper's first name.)

THIRD PLACE

Nice tits, Al.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The link take us to a YouTube video that includes “AL in LA” in the headline. The “tits” part, I don't even want to go into. After reappearing to a warm reception, it was inevitable that Johnny would wear out his welcome.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Howdy, name's John Thomas."--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: References a bleak 1964 Dylan song about the sad life of coal miners, "North Country Blues." It is the only Dylan song where the narrator is a woman. She marries a guy named John Thomas who apparently would go on to attend a cocktail party with his miner's light still in place. More obscure than obligatory. Then as now, it is pointless to try and out-Dylan me.)

I do love that Dylan guy, my favorite being "One Headlight".--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A different kind of obscure. This references Jakob Dylan's great song “One Head Light.” Fun fact: Jakob toiled in obscurity until people found out his dad was THAT Dylan.)

"The cocktail hours here are obscene."--james (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Great twist on an anti-cap classic. Nice job james—I also like the lower case letter. )

"I can hear the coins jingling in your pocket, Bob--well, Obama did promise change."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yet another reference to Bob Dylan and a semi-classic. Fair enough.)


JohnnyB makes a cameo appearance and suddenly all the other anti-cap ledgends come out of the woodwork. They may not have been capping, but they were quietly observing...like the martians in War of the Worlds.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure. I guess. One of the most baffling aspects is this little blog is that it typically gets over 100 hits each day. [Go figure.] Often I am not one of them, but it does keep me engaged.)

45 comments:

Dex said...

"I can hear the coins jingling in your pocket, Bob--well, Obama did promise change."

james said...

"The cocktail hours here are obscene."

LR said...

"I record all my cocktail parties, especially if they include a black metrosexual playing pocket pool."

Anonymous said...

"Bob's reaching for his scratch ticket."

boneguy said...

Repping for Petzl means going all in.

JohnnyB said...

I'd like to go spelunking in your lady cave. Benny just wants to watch.

Ahole McAvoy said...

"Did you slip me a Roofie? I'm feeling light-headed."

Nipsee Russel said...

Speaking of 'headlights', your highbeams look pretty cute there, little missy.

Obligatory Dylan said...

"Howdy, name's John Thomas."

Anonymous said...

"Is it true that men will say anything to get laid off? D'ya see what I did there?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Lightheaded, nauseated, a bearded clamminess ... Fucking tight Hane's underwear!"

Anonymous said...

"Hey Sumguy, do you think she's into threesomes?"

"I don't know, Alaska."

Anonymous said...

"I don't know anything about art, but I know what I like to fuck. I got more."

Steve_O said...

"No, you're thinking of the GoPro Hero. This model is the GoSlo Loser."

pg13 said...

"I'm a locksmith, and I see you're wearing a chastity belt."

Anonymous said...

"Let's get out of this cartoon and go over to Danny's for some real laughs."

boneguy said...

I do love that Dylan guy, my favorite being "One Headlight".

Anonymous said...

"Love is not ever having to say your sorry ass is responsible for anything."

Anonymous said...

"And that's Mike over there of Mike's Hard uhhhh..whatever."

JohnnyB said...

Nice tits, Al.

Dr Sumguy said...

"One of the painting's looks just like Jerry Lee Lewis ... You know ... 'Great Balls of Fire'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"These Google Glasses are Great! ... So far I've spotted 4 Boners ... Incuding yours ... Anonymous bone guy!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"More like Art Drecko ... And look ... Whose got a 'Whole Lotta Shakin Goin' On'!"

Boof said...

"When I say I'll light up your life,I'm not fucking around baby."

Double Windsor said...

"Obama promised suits without ties - that symbol of Western decadence."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Wanna see my stalagmite?"

Richard said...

"Come back to my hotel and I'll show you my 12-inch pianist."

Richard said...

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one in my saucy web series. You guys interested?"

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"Hi, I'm Jay, Peg."

Anonymous said...

"I'd like to get your narrow cunt down."

james said...

"The Mets drafted our son. He's going to go pro too."

Arthur Critic said...

At 2 a.m. even a gal drawn by Vey starts looking good.

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm guessing that's a Rubik's Cube in your pocket ... The more you play with it ... The harder it gets!"

boneguy said...

I've got a headlamp. After I give your pharynx the all clear, maybe we could play some tonsil hockey?

Anonymous said...

JohnnyB makes a cameo appearance and suddenly all the other anti-cap ledgends come out of the woodwork. They may not have been capping, but they were quietly observing...like the martians in War of the Worlds.

Satireguy said...

"It's from Google but I have no idea what it does."

Steve Brunswick said...

They call me Tripod.

reid savid said...

''I record all my social interactions and look for ways to be less awkward.''

Anonymous said...

"Opening Lines runs through June 15th."

NJ-to-TX said...

"I just watched some of your old porn from the 70's. They should call this thing Google Ass."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Richard's a terrible lover ... He's about to have an anti-climax!"

Anonymous said...

"Bob and I are plotting to kill P.C. Vey. You in?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Percy here is a presiding judge ... What we are about to witness ... Is a 'Honourable Discharge'!"

reid savid said...

"I'm going to call it MuseumHub."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Can I offer you a light?"

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.