"Load laundry loosely into the tub, filling no more than 80% capacity. For best results, use mixed loads of..." Oh, for crying out loud, Norman, is this really your fetish?
Yes, but it's a dryer heat
"Place washer on a firm level surface in a dry area. If operating in the desert skip procedures 2 thru 7 and place laundry where the sun doesn't shine."
"Walt, I told you the best option for money laundering in Albuquerque is a CAR wash."
"According to this manual ... We've 'Screwed the Pooch'!"
"For optimum dry, find a fracking station ... For easy care, drop your slacks and spread your legs!"
"This New Yorker says never mix whites and colors."
Make sure not to wash out the smallpox.
"Push the handlebars into the tube above the front wheel. Tighten the metal ring between the handlebars and the front wheel until the handlebars are tight."
It says, "Beware of sand cows"
I knew we shoulda turned left at Albequerque
"For jockey shorts ... Remove the horse ... Spray with hydroflouric acid ... Tumble for 24 hours!"
"It says Cet appareil doit être mis à la terre. En cas de dysfonctionnement ou de panne% 2C la mise à la terre réduira le risque de choc électrique en fournissant un chemin."
"This guidebook says that this is one of Georgia O'Keeffe's more eccentric pieces."
"Now all we need is a hose and extension cord 35 miles long. Each."
"It says here that for a cleaner, fresher foreign policy, we need a front-loader."
"It says locate hookup. Ya know, Frank, I could use a new one right about now."
"I don't think this is how we're supposed to create 50 shades of gray."
"It says not to mix whites with babies."
WARNING! Before picking a spot for your washer please make sure it is placed in a non desert, indoor area free from sand and hot temperatures. If you have any questions please call 1-800-dum-shit.
F-R-A-G-I-L-E, it must have been made in France.
I'm sorry I ever nagged you about getting a larger laundry room.
Since when are there tornadoes in the desert?
Could you talk to me first before volunteering our house for nuclear blast testing?
"It's a Kama Sutra Dryer ... It spins, tumbles, and does a damp dry ... Wanna try the Lotus Blossom?"
Henry, we can't use this. It's for coloreds only.
"Then it says, 'Grab any illegal crossing the border to finish the laundry.'"
"Now we just wait for some illegals."
Carl's best dream ever -- the one in the quiet desert where he rubs his genitals on the washing machine during its spin cycle while intergalactic sperm try to impregnate the sun -- is shattered by his nagging bitch of a wife.
"why isn't the heat hot? We need to find... what's the horse's name?"
"Mirage? No, Maytag."
"It say's you can build your house around this unit."
"Oh, the house is optional."
"It say's right here, “do not over dry your garments."
"Shit. It needs to be plugged into a grounded electrical outlet."
"It's not a dryer. ... It's a Herv'e Villechaize 'Stay Free Mini Pad'!"
"We should have had the delivery man install it."Jim Cavanaugh
"Fuck. There...I said the word I was thinking of."
"Safe for whites. Additional documentation required for darks."
And for the cold cycle we are suppose to move it to Antartica.
"'And don't get your tit in the wringer '-- how old is this damn manual?"
"Don't tell me you forgot the fabric softener."
"i think we have more problems than this washing machine. I mean, this is Alaska."
I might have you go take a walk during the spin cycle.
"Oh, and make sure nothing is blocking the water supply."
"On the other hand, there's a case to be made for always wearing dirty clothes."
“"Gas dryer should not be left unattended because of possible fire and or catastrophic explosion." Nothing about leveling a city block to dust.”
Happy Earth Day. This washing machine is environmentally friendly.
Harried Tubman would later become famous for his work freeing slaves on the underground railroad.
"It says here that if you die at your desk, you will be buried in your cubicle. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself."
"Spin dry seems superfluous."
Where is that fat ass Maytag man?
Well here's the problem, you assembled the drier inside out.
"Where are my arms? Where are your hands?!"
"No... This is not the "Solar" version."
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