Sunday, April 13, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Capton Contest #424


57 comments:

Evan said...

"Load laundry loosely into the tub, filling no more than 80% capacity. For best results, use mixed loads of..." Oh, for crying out loud, Norman, is this really your fetish?

Levon Delight said...

Yes, but it's a dryer heat

Anonymous said...

"Place washer on a firm level surface in a dry area. If operating in the desert skip procedures 2 thru 7 and place laundry where the sun doesn't shine."

Shelly said...

"Walt, I told you the best option for money laundering in Albuquerque is a CAR wash."

Dr Sumguy said...

"According to this manual ... We've 'Screwed the Pooch'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"For optimum dry, find a fracking station ... For easy care, drop your slacks and spread your legs!"

pg13 said...

"This New Yorker says never mix whites and colors."

boneguy said...

Make sure not to wash out the smallpox.

Anonymous said...

"Push the handlebars into the tube above the front wheel. Tighten the metal ring between the handlebars and the front wheel until the handlebars are tight."

Levon Delight said...

It says, "Beware of sand cows"

Levon Delight said...

I knew we shoulda turned left at Albequerque

Dr Sumguy said...

"For jockey shorts ... Remove the horse ... Spray with hydroflouric acid ... Tumble for 24 hours!"

Anonymous said...

"It says Cet appareil doit être mis à la terre. En cas de dysfonctionnement ou de panne% 2C la mise à la terre réduira le risque de choc électrique en fournissant un chemin."

Tim H said...

"This guidebook says that this is one of Georgia O'Keeffe's more eccentric pieces."

Anonymouse said...

"Now all we need is a hose and extension cord 35 miles long. Each."

Kathy H said...

"It says here that for a cleaner, fresher foreign policy, we need a front-loader."

Anonymous said...

"It says locate hookup. Ya know, Frank, I could use a new one right about now."

NJ-to-TX said...

"I don't think this is how we're supposed to create 50 shades of gray."

reid savid said...

"It says not to mix whites with babies."

Roger McGaugh said...

WARNING! Before picking a spot for your washer please make sure it is placed in a non desert, indoor area free from sand and hot temperatures. If you have any questions please call 1-800-dum-shit.

Roger McGaugh said...

F-R-A-G-I-L-E, it must have been made in France.

boneguy said...

I'm sorry I ever nagged you about getting a larger laundry room.

boneguy said...

Since when are there tornadoes in the desert?

boneguy said...

Could you talk to me first before volunteering our house for nuclear blast testing?

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's a Kama Sutra Dryer ... It spins, tumbles, and does a damp dry ... Wanna try the Lotus Blossom?"

cubshlub said...

Henry, we can't use this. It's for coloreds only.

Anonymous said...

"Then it says, 'Grab any illegal crossing the border to finish the laundry.'"

Anonymous said...

"Now we just wait for some illegals."

Carl said...

Carl's best dream ever -- the one in the quiet desert where he rubs his genitals on the washing machine during its spin cycle while intergalactic sperm try to impregnate the sun -- is shattered by his nagging bitch of a wife.

NJ-to-TX said...

"why isn't the heat hot? We need to find... what's the horse's name?"

Dex said...

"Mirage? No, Maytag."

Don Don said...

"It say's you can build your house around this unit."

Anonymous said...

"Oh, the house is optional."

Anonymous said...

"It say's right here, “do not over dry your garments."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Shit. It needs to be plugged into a grounded electrical outlet."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's not a dryer. ... It's a Herv'e Villechaize 'Stay Free Mini Pad'!"

Anonymous said...

"We should have had the delivery man install it."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Fuck. There...I said the word I was thinking of."

Steve_O said...

"Safe for whites. Additional documentation required for darks."

Roger McGaugh said...

And for the cold cycle we are suppose to move it to Antartica.

Dex said...

"'And don't get your tit in the wringer '-- how old is this damn manual?"

pg13 said...

"Don't tell me you forgot the fabric softener."

Tim H said...

"i think we have more problems than this washing machine. I mean, this is Alaska."

Anonymous said...

I might have you go take a walk during the spin cycle.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Oh, and make sure nothing is blocking the water supply."

Kathy H said...

"On the other hand, there's a case to be made for always wearing dirty clothes."

al in la said...

https://www.facebook.com/groups/415542035190401/

Anonymous said...

“"Gas dryer should not be left unattended because of possible fire and or catastrophic explosion." Nothing about leveling a city block to dust.”

Levon Delight said...

Happy Earth Day. This washing machine is environmentally friendly.

smuck said...

Harried Tubman would later become famous for his work freeing slaves on the underground railroad.

Anonymous said...

"It says here that if you die at your desk, you will be buried in your cubicle. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself."

Boof said...

"Spin dry seems superfluous."

Boof said...

"Spin dry seems superfluous."

Roger McGaugh said...

Where is that fat ass Maytag man?

Anonymous said...

Well here's the problem, you assembled the drier inside out.

Anonymous said...

"Where are my arms? Where are your hands?!"

Anonymous said...

"No... This is not the "Solar" version."

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