"I won't tell you where I had to stick my pencils."
"It's faster than snail mail."
"This backlog of anti-cap entries is killing me."
"My hare-brained boss is a vindictive prick. Wish I'd let the bastard win."
"I'm being featured in an episode of Hoarders."
My Staples closed for good because of slow service.
I just got hired as an efficiency expert by the VA.
Don't push me in. I'm what's holding Obamacare together.
The Q4 report is a giant pain in the ass. Literally .
"I've got a Klingon in my cloaca, and I haven't been able to digest this shit ever since!"
"The University of Maryland. And you?"
"It's a pain but I get a big deduction for using my shell as an office."
"HR gives you fifteen fucking minutes to clear out your desk."
"Yes! ... I do have a copy of the 'Gutenberg Bible'! ... It's on level 16 next to my gallbladder!"
"You could call it a Shell corporation ... I prefer the term 'Pump and Dump!"
Maybe the moon works for you, but I navigate with a good grasp of our earning forecasts.
"Sorry. Invalid password. Try logging in again using the password I have on file."
Michelangelo and Rafael turned back into regular turtles. No one knows why. They tried to file their own taxes.
"I think I'm ahead ... The hare was on flight #370!"
"Don't you know what a Tort is?"
"Get out of my way, you lazy piece of shit."
'My interest in coming up with an anti-cap is marginal at best so who gives a shit."
"I said, give me your shell."
"Don't ask me about my business, Kay."
ACA Facilitator. You?
Don't know!? I've just always preferred paperback to hardcover.
"Log off you eco-friendly paperless piece of shit."
"Which way to H&R Block?"Jim Cavanaugh
"Talk to me about mating season after the 15th."
Note ... Pufferfish is the nickname Romney gave C.C., after he was rejected as a running mate, because of his obesity.
"Big layoff at the Turtle Wax factory."
Hey Dr. Sumturtle here's a tip. "Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind."— E. B. White
working from home sucks
"The hare would have just announced winners for all those past contests. I'm a bit more deliberate."
This is the last time I offer to clean out the take out menus from Chris Christie's glove compartment.
"Lotsa work as Minority Leader of the Senate. Ayep."
"That stuff about home offices having a low overhead is a pile of crock."
"Now how do I get these up to that cloud you were telling me about the other day?"
Have you seen my shell?
"Yea, I have issues; I have no money or education to do anything with my ideas along with being controversial to liberals, too quick with the insults and taking your one idea to get on this log in this tsunami of negativism to save my vast sum of worthless enlightenment.”
"If it is a new idea, then there are only potentially wrong things with it."
"I must seem as silly as you seem silly to me."
Turtle #1: The turtle lives 'twixt plated decksWhich practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.Turtle #2: Shaddup!
I know I'm slow and late, but I've GOT to get this to the Caymans by the 15th.
"Coming out of one's shell is a lot of work........Asshole!"
Steve? My name is Steve too.
Does this outfit make me look fat?
I've increased my fiber intake.
I decided to make a hard copy of my facebook page to share with friends who don't have access to the Web.
...and I always seem to get picked last for Dodge Ball.
...the fax machine? You don't want to know.
"This is what co dependency looks like; we get flooded out and I save all of your stuff."
"This is not love, it is a sickness."
"Where is your ID? No, I did not save your ID."
"Harried Tubman would later become famous for his work freeing slaves on the underground railroad."
"Is worry the same as carrying? How can I solve anything if I am not able to understand? Do I really want to take on the burden of change predicated on my shallow depth of the perceived conundrum? Do I care about individuals or is it just the Macro possibilities that drive me even though my contributions seem apparent dose that matter? Do I care or is it just possibilities that I conjure to distract me from the simpleton aspects of my negligent life?"
"Yea, I have heard of "Turtles all the way down"… That old lady is right…. Everything is turtles, turtles everywhere and if you have enough turtles you can make really big turtles and if ya have a bunch of really big turtles you can make turtles in other dimensions. Turtles, turtles everywhere.”
"This is who I am; codependent on stuff."
"There's love and there is a cry for love."
"Like me, if you start out young enough, the agents will think all your material is original."
"I'm a turtle; how much can it slow me down?"
Post a Comment