Tuesday, March 11, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #419






WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may have been slightly funnier if it simply said, “Are you the one who wanted a larger  prick?” It's still the best of the bunch. A women I once knew who was perpetually going on first dates told me: “To find a rose you have to get stuck with a lot of pricks.” This reminded me of that. Nice one Doc.)
SECOND PLACE
You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because everything is big at Costco. Get it? Thanks for being you, boneguy.)
THIRD PLACE
"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical, mean-spirited and, yes, a cautionary tale. Hoffman's death was tragic and horrifying – but mostly infuriating. RIP you dumb-ass genius.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.--Levon Delight (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again we are reminded that “little prick” has multiple meanings. Reminds us that it's better to finger your prick than to prick your finger.)
"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."

(Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get the throwing up part and the quote is inaccurate, but am deeply touched by this one. Even though I have not judged the contest in a while, someone threw a Dylan entry again the wall. The 1981 album “Shot of Love” is the last of Dylan's trilogy of Christian albums. The title track includes these puzzling lyrics:

Why would I want to take your life?
You've only murdered my father, raped his wife
Tattooed my babies with a poison pen
Mocked my God, humiliated my friends)

23 comments:

LR said...

"We're ready to drain that swollen right eye of yours."

Levon Delight said...

You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.

reid savid said...

"My new Mercedes runs on blood."

reid savid said...

"Yes, yes it is the cure for autism, Leroy."

NJ-to-TX said...

"It's for severe hypochondria."

boneguy said...

You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.

james said...

"It's like I tell my wife every night. Bend over and take your medicine."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's for the Obamacare blood panel ... Barack, Joe, John, Patrick .......

boneguy said...

This is our top shelf juice. An hour ago, this was a 10cc syringe.

Dr Sumguy said...

"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"

boneguy said...

Considering the size of your prostate, there is no such thing as too big a biopsy needle.

Shelly said...

"If you don't like the biopsy idea I can just stick my head up your ass for direct prostatic visualization."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Bend over ... The Mexican Authorities have approved your wish to become a 'Wetback'!"

boneguy said...

We call this one the "Chris Christie".

Anonymous said...

"You don't want to fuck around with rabies."

boneguy said...

This is what I gave Judy Garland when she was feeling blue.

Steve_O said...

"You are so fucked."

Anonymous said...

"Invasive? Is the Pope Catholic?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."

Dex said...

"This contest needs a little shot in the arm."

Anonymous said...

"Five losing seasons in a row for the Mets? This oughtta help."

Jim Cavanaugh

Obligatory Dylan said...

"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."

(Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)

Anonymous said...

"How's your constipation now?"

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.