"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may have been slightly funnier if it simply said, “Are you the one who wanted a larger prick?” It's still the best of the bunch. A women I once knew who was perpetually going on first dates told me: “To find a rose you have to get stuck with a lot of pricks.” This reminded me of that. Nice one Doc.)
You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because everything is big at Costco. Get it? Thanks for being you, boneguy.)
"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical, mean-spirited and, yes, a cautionary tale. Hoffman's death was tragic and horrifying – but mostly infuriating. RIP you dumb-ass genius.)
You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.--Levon Delight (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again we are reminded that “little prick” has multiple meanings. Reminds us that it's better to finger your prick than to prick your finger.)
"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love." (Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get the throwing up part and the quote is inaccurate, but am deeply touched by this one. Even though I have not judged the contest in a while, someone threw a Dylan entry again the wall. The 1981 album “Shot of Love” is the last of Dylan's trilogy of Christian albums. The title track includes these puzzling lyrics:
Why would I want to take your life?
You've only murdered my father, raped his wife
Tattooed my babies with a poison penMocked my God, humiliated my friends)