Monday, September 23, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #397




98 comments:

pg13 said...

"Okay, It's do or die time!"

boneguy said...

This guy's a GM's dream. Great slider and zero pension liabilities.

pg13 said...

"Scouting report says this guy can really scratch his crotch."

Anonymous said...

"They call him boneguy because....well, you'll find out."

boneguy said...

He's the reason we don't go to Haiti to scout talent.

Anonymous said...

"Watch out for the cutter inside."

boneguy said...

It's A-Rod's latest ploy to avoid giving a urine sample.

boneguy said...

It was the salmon mousse.

Puffin said...

"And they've got Beelzebub playing
shortstop."

Shelly said...

"He's a shoe-in for the Scythe Young Award."

Anonymous said...

"Fuck! I've gotta face that black bastard again."

Anonymous said...

"Don't just stand there, Jesus. Go cut the head off a chicken."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Can't pitch worth shit ... Usually throws 4 balls ... His name ... 'Joaquin Dead'!"

pg13 said...

"These knuckleballers are a dying breed."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Just traded from the 'Cincinnati Deads' ... The good news ... Doesn't need benefits!"

Levon Delight said...

Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like Catfish can, you know, because of the ALS and being dead.

pg13 said...

"Too bad you're in the cleanup spot, because I just shit my pants."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm dropping 'Red Man', and switching to garlic!"

pg13 said...

"I have my routines, but I'm not really superstitious."

Satireguy said...

"Watch out for his submarine pitch."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Watch out for the 'Phlegmball'!"

boneguy said...

I should have boned up on their pitching staff.

pg13 said...

"Oh, ring them bells for the chosen few. Who will judge the many when the game is through?"

Anonymous said...

"He's every team's closer"

Kathy H said...

"Looks like we're returning to the Dead Ball Era."

pg13 said...

"Foul."

pg13 said...

"You're fucked. They're bringing in a right-hander."

boneguy said...

No matter what he pitches I end up making a sacrifice.

Anonymous said...

"The outlook for the Mets next year? It looks grim again."

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

His brother, the Grim Leaper, plays center-field for the Dodgers.

cta said...

"It's like they say - if you play when you don't field well, you'll like face some Grim Reaper-cussions."

cta said...

"I don't think this game is a live broadcast."

LR said...

"With his knuckle ball you get actual knuckle bones."

"This is his first outing after rotator snuff surgery."

Anonymous said...

"Eat much, asshole!!?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Just reinstated after 'Cheating Death'!"

cubshlub said...

I knew Edyie Gourmet caught. I didn't know that she also pitched.

Don Don said...

"I heard they acquired a killer reliever".

Anonymous said...

"If he beans you , what ever you do do not charge the mound".

Dex said...

"Makes sense, it's Bat Night"

Anonymous said...

"Just think of him as the Ray Lewis of baseball"

Anonymous said...

"...not as weird as a white guy and a Negro joined at the hip."

Anonymous said...

"He's from Mitch & Murray. Levene can't close the leads he is given—he can't close shit..he IS shit."

Puffin said...

'He's just turned down the Astros. A no brainer because those dudes are half dead already."

cubshlub said...

Are you Ray Chapman? You're up next.

pg13 said...

"He used to be an Angel."

Anonymous said...

You've gotta be shittin' me with these captions

Anonymous said...

We wouldn't shit you...you're are favorite turd.

Anonymous said...

"I fucked his wife last night"

A A Ron Ballakee said...

"Hey, fuck you, Death, you weak-armed fucking pussyfart!"

boneguy said...

Who's that throwing the first pitch? I think it's Mickey Mantle's liver donor.

Tim H said...

"Instead of RISP, he's all about RIPs."

Anonymous said...

"Isn't Conigliari up next?"

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"I hear he won the Cy Old Award."

Anonymous said...

"Great their bringing in the rally killer."

Levon Delight said...

This guys got nothin'. You're about to see a dead man walking.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Garcia's in for The Dead. He's Gotta Serve Somebody up a fat pitch."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Last time he pitched to 'Sisyphus', he got a 'Dead Arm'!"

Anonymous said...

"The throwers here are obscene."

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"He was just called up from their Triple-A team in Hades."

Satireguy said...

"Apparently he has a wicked hanging slider."

pg13 said...

"This time I'll get on base, and you can offer up the sacrifice."

anonymous jr said...

"He's a shoe-in for this year's Die Young Award."

smuck said...

"We want a pitcher! Not a belly itcher!"

pg13 said...

"Looks like they rushed him off the DL."

Anonymous said...

"The last time I saw 50,000 Dead fans, Jerry Garcia was playing."

Anonymous said...

"Wait here. I gotta go relieve myself."

Anonymous said...

"Don't worry, kid. Sooner or later we all gotta face him."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

And it's Conigliaro, not Conigliari.

Jim Cavanaugh

JimM said...

"I thought Mariano retired."

Anonymous said...

"Relax. The Astros need to put fannies
in the seats."

pg13 said...

"And tomorrow it's Osama bin Laden bobblehead night."

boneguy said...

As far as the kids are concerned this guy's the one and only Mr October.

Anonymous said...

"Congilaro you crazy bastard? How areyou"

Jim Cavendish

Anonymous said...

areyou?

Shelly said...

"He brought a couple of pitches that will put you in stitches before you end up in ditches- do you mind...?

Kathy H said...

"I hear he's a dead ringer for Nolan Ryan."

Anonymous said...

"You're up next. I don't care what the fucking lineup card says."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's Bob Marley ... He used to play for the 'Boston Wailers'!"

gfwrite said...

They're paying him seven million rather than bury zee dough.

gfwrite said...

His fastball will cremate you.

Anonymous said...

Got'm from the Devil Rays.

Anonymous said...

A hoodie. Where's neighborhood watch when you need it?

gfwrite said...

Tosses a lot down in the dirt.

gfwrite said...

And the told me I had to take off MY gold chain!!??

Dr Sumguy said...

"I thought A-Rod was on the injured list!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Take my hand - We're off to never never-land"

Anonymous said...

"His name is Al. Pitches for LA. He'll kill you with his comments--when he gets around to it."

smuck said...

"Hell must have frozen over. That would explain both his and your appearance in this New Yorker cartoon."

O.D. said...

"Pitcher? I assumed him to be a disrobed faceless form of no position."

Dex said...

"Mr. October 31st"

Big Red said...

I have mixed feelings about Dick Cheney throwing out the first pitch

Anonymous said...

"They just got him from la, and he's close-captioned for the comedic impaired."

Dead-Pull Hitter said...

Welcome to the Carolina League, home of "Lucky Strike"

Big Red said...

.... Organ Donor Night

Tim H said...

"I understand that Scott Boras represents him."

Anonymous said...

"Pete Rose start managing again?"

Satireguy said...

"You shoulda seen what he did to alinla; he's been on the DL for eight weeks now."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Fuck this, Al."

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