Sunday, September 15, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #396












































WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Well, this explains the asshole living in our basement."--Rich Lather (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If the head is in the front lawn, how can the butt be in the basement. This is illogical but still good enough to win.)
SECOND PLACE
"Shit, it's time to moai the lawn again."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't forget to bring your sledge trimmers. [Because you use a sledge hammer to break up rocks—see I still got it.])
THIRD PLACE
I forget, dear. Is it the Macy's Easter Day Parade?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Our first caption to ever mention Macy's. Was there just today. They start Christmas displays on Nov. 1. That kind of thing no longer bothers me.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"All I can say is that the priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building burned."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From the amzing Dylan song “Idiot Wind.” The first line say “Someone's got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press.” I love that song.)

"Life is a bust"--O. D. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: More Dylan. All you can do is do what you must, he says.)
"But I would not feel so all alone...everybody must get stoned."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Get stoned is often a solution if you don't want to recall the problem. Yes, it's Dylan )
"Al in L.A., lay across my big grass bed."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay, let's say I do. Then what happens?)
"If Al doesn't judge us soon, we're going to fall off the first page!"--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Deal with it. There are worst thing in life than not being judged. )
"Mussolini, you crazy bastard! How are you?!"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Couldn't let this one go unnoticed. Consideer it noticed.)










77 comments:

Anonymouse said...

"Mussolini, you crazy bastard! How are you?!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Remember when dad ordered his own headstone before he died?"

Shelly said...

"There goes the neighborhood."

Anonymous said...

"Curb appeal? Helen—I can't even find the fucking curb!"

LR said...

"There's another Daniel Day Lewis monument in the yard."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Busted!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Honey, did we sign up for 'Obamacare'?"

Kathy H said...

"Honey, remind me never to open these curtains again."

Tim H said...

"Honey, I think your thingy from eBay just arrived."

Anonymouse said...

"That's funny. He was facing the other way last night. Hmmmm."

Rich Lather said...

"Well, this explains the asshole living in our basement."

Cumberbitch said...

"Glabella, you pronounced bastard! How are you?"

boneguy said...

I forget, dear. Is it the Macy's Easter Day Parade?

Dr Sumguy said...

"Well ... This explains my missing bottle of 'Head & Shoulders!"

boneguy said...

Because of your "exquisite taste", we can't have a gopher problem like everybody else?

boneguy said...

What the fuck won't Amazon deliver?

pg13 said...

"Honey, you know how I keep asking for more head?"

pg13 said...

"This sculpted lawn ordinance has got to go."

Anonymous said...

"The Romney's St. Bernard crapped on our grass again."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Shit, it's time to moai the lawn again."

pg13 said...

"That might explain the cannon that sprouted in the back yard last week."

Kathy H said...

"I don't know much about art, but I know what I don't like."

LR said...

"Looks like Edward Hammerandchiselhands has been at it again."

Satireguy said...

"What the fuck??"

Anonymouse said...

"I like the cut of his jib."

Tim H said...

"All I can say is that the priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building burned."

Anonymous said...

"Why the lawn face, honey?"

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

Someone's gotten creative with the Great Dane's crap again.

Puffin said...

"The next night course that dumb bitch takes better be origami or she's toast."

O. D. said...

"Life is a bust"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Christ, what a giant asshole! It must not be Palm Sunday, he's not smiling."

Dr Sumguy said...

"ITS HIM ... 'Saint Andreas Basalt'!"

Anonymous said...

"Don't worry, Honey. Looks like George Zimmerman is about to open fire."

Dex said...

"Those damn neighbor kids are on the lawn again."
alternatively,
"That damn neighbor's dog is shitting on the lawn again."

Anonymous said...

"Is that guy shit-faced or what?"

Dex said...

"Well, Obama promised .... Obama"

Anonymous said...

"Honey? Did we rent out our front yard to Annie Leibovitz for a Vanity Fare cover shoot?"

pg13 said...

"But I would not feel so all alone...everybody must get stoned."

Anonymous said...

"You'll have to lick yourself, honey. This bust is more satisfying."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Yeah, on the lawn. Never mind that - why the hell did you buy this ugly milk lamp?"

cta said...

"Honey, Ms. Jones is sunbathing on her front lawn, and your stupid head is partially blocking my view!"

boneguy said...

Let's just say it's a great relief when Grace Jones Week is finally over.

Anonymous said...

"Fuck! Our topiary of Obama is covered with shit."

topiary |ˈtōpēˌerē|
noun ( pl. -aries)
the art or practice of clipping shrubs or trees into ornamental shapes.

Dex said...

Waxing [wak-sing]
the art or practice of clipping bushes into ornamental shapes.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Do we have jewels and binoculars to hang from the head?"

gfwrite said...

Now I see what you meant by 'our landscaper is a chiseler.'

gfwrite said...

Harvey struggles to appreciate the gift from "The Most Interesting Man in the World."

Haley Joel Osment said...

"I see black people!"

Satireguy said...

Steve once again regrets choosing the 'wild card' option for his vacation getaway package.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Jesus fucking Christ!! Mother of Mary!! Holy Shit!! Call the fucking police!!"

Anonymous said...

"This Obamic piece of shit is clearly in violation of the statue of imitations."

Dr Sumguy said...

Broken Obama promise ... 'This Child Was Left Behind'!

Satireguy said...

"Your father's here."

Satireguy said...

"First the horse's head in my bed and now this!"

Dex said...

"From this angle, I'd say racial profiling."

Puffin said...

"Something is happening here but you don't know what it is,do you, Mister Jones?"

Anonymous said...

You're better off a head

pg13 said...

"Okay, okay, I'll draw the damn curtains. What is this, a fucking cartoon?"

Anonymous said...

"It get's worse, Blanche. They didn't toilet paper the yard."

Anonymous said...

"Damn it, Evrolet girl left her Easter Island head dildo on the front lawn again!

Anonymous said...

"I'm haunted by the face of my victim."

Jim Cavanaugh

cta said...

"My gift? Well, you know I'm having a hard time keeping a straight face."

Anonymous said...

"I wished for a rock hard slong not a carved rock on my lawn."

Anonymous said...

Have you seen the dog's shit, honey?

Anonymous said...

"Al in L.A., lay across my big grass bed."

Kathy H said...

"Honey, didn't you say that today was recycling pick-up day?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"I think I've figured out the source of the fecal matter in our well water."

Big Red said...

I love your virility totem - but I had to half-bury it to keep the kids from swinging on it.

Dazed and Confused said...

How did the world's biggest bobble-head get on our lawn?

Satireguy said...

"I feel so bad about dumping on al in la for not judging the contest. How was I to know that he had been turned into a giant chocolate Easter Island head?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Honey, why do you bother to bother to open the anti-cap page every morning and expect something different to be ... Whoah!!!"

Satireguy said...

"First the horse's head in my bed and now this!"

Tim H said...

"Honey, the Landmarks Commission just called. They said this thing has been here so long, we can't legally move it."

Satireguy said...

"If Al doesn't judge us soon, we're going to fall off the first page!"

Anonymous said...

"Damn - we're in older posts now."

Satireguy said...

"I told you we'd fall off the first page. Damn you, al in la!"

Don Moy said...

see more about Haley Joel Osment at http://duckhits.com/9254/8-former-child-stars-stuck-with-their-kid-faces

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