New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #394
WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
I
know how this ends. I drown in 3 teaspoons of garlic butter and you
account for half the dry weight of a 50lb bag of Purina.---boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Poorly drawn,
stupid concept...this cartoon sucks monkey balls. That's why I'm
dispensing of it early. With this winning entry, boneguy proves he
once again he is like a domestic goddess who can whip up something
special even from a can of Spam—which ironically has less meat in it
than most dog food.)
SECOND
PLACE
It's
been hell on my balls.--boneguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENTS: And yes he gets 2nd place for the same reason. We're left to wonder what the “it” refers
to. His life? No time to equivocate, let's get this one out of the
way... )
THIRD
PLACE
"I'm
going to buy a Maserati ... Paint a large 'S' on the side ... And
people will say ... "Look at that 'S-Car Go'"!"--Dr
Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Even when the
cartoon sucks, count on an Anti-Capper to come up with an
appropriately sucky pun. Some thought went in to this. But how would
he operate the gas and break pedals? Where would he get the money for
such a fancy car? Well?)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"Politically,
I'm left of centaur."--Dex (JUDGE'S
COMMENTS: The half-man/half-snail is actually to the left of the
half-man/half-house so this sort of has merit. )
"I'm
not half the man I used to be"--Crytomnesia (JUDGE'S
COMMENTS: Very awful. Still, in the absense of a Dylan-related cap
I'll settle for something from the cute Beatle.)
"This
life can put a slug in you"...wrong
Dylan, but a great line.
(Admitting an error - good for the
soul)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S
COMMENTS: Turns out O.D. is quoting some wanna-be named Dylan Owen. I
do not believe for a second that entering this was an error. What's
really good for the soul is saying something that makes others
chuckle. [Also it's not a slug.] Here's a Dylan line for you O.D.:
“Sometimes, I feel so low down and disgusted. Can't help but wonder
what's happening to my companions...”)
The
lady who owns the garden I live in would like you to come over and
take a crap in it.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Come on
boneguy! Give someone else a chance. Also, “dump” would have
worked better than “crap,” and “shit” would have been more
Anti-Cap. )
"Apparently,
Mr. Radosh, you did not read the fine print."--TH
Redux (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Like many
others, I often wonder if Daniel made a deal with the devil to get
himself hired at The Daily Show. You know, like he gets this great
job but is somehow transformed into a weird mutant creature. If that
seems petty and envious, so be it.)
x
39 comments:
"Hunger can change everything you thought you knew about yourself."
"Politically, I'm left of centaur."
"I'm going to buy a Maserati ... Paint a large 'S' on the side ... And people will say ... "Look at that 'S-Car Go'"!"
"And another thing ... I'm never homeless!"
"Do you have any 'SHELL' oil, I'm low a quart!"
"Did you myth me?"
"I don't care if Mom is a tape dispenser. Dad & I love her."
I'm not sure what it is, but I've been feeling sluggish lately.
"Because mom started pub-crawling after they had you."
It's been hell on my balls.
"I think it was a couple of turtles that blew past me. Not sure though, it all happened so fast.
"Do you have any 'Viagra'? ... I feel like I need a lift."
"Now you tell me. ... I was adopted!!!"
"This life can put a slug in you"
...wrong Dylan, but a great line.
(Admitting an error - good for the soul)
"Apparently, Mr. Radosh, you did not read the fine print."
"and yet somehow we're both hung like lemurs"
"Well may you laugh, but I smash it with the French."
I'm less Cimarron and more Cinnabon
I'm trying to sell this thing so I can go on my unplugged tour.
"I saw the menus. We are now considered delicacies."
The lady who owns the garden I live in would like you to come over and take a crap in it.
"That crystal myth is bad stuff."
"Do you have Assad's phone number? ... My slime level is getting low!"
"Rex Ryan says if I'm man enough, I'll be the starter."
"Nice hair, you faceless queerbait."
"Can you help me? I'm looking for the famous Greek philosopher, Aristurtle."
I know how this ends. I drown in 3 teaspoons of garlic butter and you account for half the dry weight of a 50lb bag of Purina.
"Obama promised Kentaurides"
"I'm not half the man I used to be"
I mythed you lathed week at the Thenate meeting.
Do you get as confused as I do about what to eat?
No I defintely DON'T want to go out for a salt lick. I voted NO on the salt weapons ban.
A little mix-up in the Garden of Eden. You?
What do you think of all this hybrid technology?
Why do YOU get all the girls?
Note to gfwrite: Dude, too little too late! It's over! Save it for next week.
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