Sunday, September 1, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #394
















WINNERS


FIRST PLACE


I know how this ends. I drown in 3 teaspoons of garlic butter and you account for half the dry weight of a 50lb bag of Purina.---boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Poorly drawn, stupid concept...this cartoon sucks monkey balls. That's why I'm dispensing of it early. With this winning entry, boneguy proves he once again he is like a domestic goddess who can whip up something special even from a can of Spam—which ironically has less meat in it than most dog food.)


SECOND PLACE


It's been hell on my balls.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: And yes he gets  2nd place for the same reason. We're left to wonder what the “it” refers to. His life? No time to equivocate, let's get this one out of the way... )


THIRD PLACE


"I'm going to buy a Maserati ... Paint a large 'S' on the side ... And people will say ... "Look at that 'S-Car Go'"!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Even when the cartoon sucks, count on an Anti-Capper to come up with an appropriately sucky pun. Some thought went in to this. But how would he operate the gas and break pedals? Where would he get the money for such a fancy car? Well?)


HONORABLE MENTIONS


"Politically, I'm left of centaur."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: The half-man/half-snail is actually to the left of the half-man/half-house so this sort of has merit. )


"I'm not half the man I used to be"--Crytomnesia (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Very awful. Still, in the absense of a Dylan-related cap I'll settle for something from the cute Beatle.)


"This life can put a slug in you"...wrong Dylan, but a great line.
(Admitting an error - good for the soul)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Turns out O.D. is quoting some wanna-be named Dylan Owen. I do not believe for a second that entering this was an error. What's really good for the soul is saying something that makes others chuckle. [Also it's not a slug.] Here's a Dylan line for you O.D.: “Sometimes, I feel so low down and disgusted. Can't help but wonder what's happening to my companions...”)


The lady who owns the garden I live in would like you to come over and take a crap in it.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Come on boneguy! Give someone else a chance. Also, “dump” would have worked better than “crap,” and “shit” would have been more Anti-Cap. )


"Apparently, Mr. Radosh, you did not read the fine print."--TH Redux (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Like many others, I often wonder if Daniel made a deal with the devil to get himself hired at The Daily Show. You know, like he gets this great job but is somehow transformed into a weird mutant creature. If that seems petty and envious, so be it.)

x

41 comments:

Pi said...

"Hunger can change everything you thought you knew about yourself."

Dex said...

"Politically, I'm left of centaur."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm going to buy a Maserati ... Paint a large 'S' on the side ... And people will say ... "Look at that 'S-Car Go'"!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"And another thing ... I'm never homeless!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Do you have any 'SHELL' oil, I'm low a quart!"

Shelly said...

"Did you myth me?"

Shelly said...

"I don't care if Mom is a tape dispenser. Dad & I love her."

Anonymous said...

"I'm not gallant, and I'm not chiseled, and I'm also not a horse's ass."

boneguy said...

I'm not sure what it is, but I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Anonymous said...

"Because mom started pub-crawling after they had you."

boneguy said...

It's been hell on my balls.

LR said...

"I think it was a couple of turtles that blew past me. Not sure though, it all happened so fast.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Do you have any 'Viagra'? ... I feel like I need a lift."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Now you tell me. ... I was adopted!!!"

Obligatory Dylan said...

"This life can put a slug in you"

Obligatory Dylan said...

...wrong Dylan, but a great line.

(Admitting an error - good for the soul)

Anonymous said...

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in in."

Jim Cavanaugh

TH Redux said...

"Apparently, Mr. Radosh, you did not read the fine print."

J.D. Knott said...

"and yet somehow we're both hung like lemurs"

Puffin said...

"Well may you laugh, but I smash it with the French."

Levon Delight said...

I'm less Cimarron and more Cinnabon

boneguy said...

I'm trying to sell this thing so I can go on my unplugged tour.

NJ-to-TX said...

"I saw the menus. We are now considered delicacies."

boneguy said...

The lady who owns the garden I live in would like you to come over and take a crap in it.

Anonymous said...

"That crystal myth is bad stuff."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Do you have Assad's phone number? ... My slime level is getting low!"

pg13 said...

"Rex Ryan says if I'm man enough, I'll be the starter."

Delusional, judgemental, and slightly-homophobic snail said...

"Nice hair, you faceless queerbait."

cta said...

"Can you help me? I'm looking for the famous Greek philosopher, Aristurtle."

boneguy said...

I know how this ends. I drown in 3 teaspoons of garlic butter and you account for half the dry weight of a 50lb bag of Purina.

Really Needs a Life. Google It. said...

"Obama promised Kentaurides"

Crytomnesia said...

"I'm not half the man I used to be"

gfwrite said...

I mythed you lathed week at the Thenate meeting.

gfwrite said...

Do you get as confused as I do about what to eat?

gfwrite said...

No I defintely DON'T want to go out for a salt lick. I voted NO on the salt weapons ban.

gfwrite said...

A little mix-up in the Garden of Eden. You?

gfwrite said...

What do you think of all this hybrid technology?

gfwrite said...

Why do YOU get all the girls?

al in la said...

Note to gfwrite: Dude, too little too late! It's over! Save it for next week.

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Saurabh Sahni said...

happy new year quotes for family

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