Sunday, August 25, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #393
















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
Dick Cheney: "Think I can hit Obama from here?"
Christ : "What an asshole..."--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A skillful and imaginative blend of Vice-bashing and an Anti-Cap classic. Nice. It was Dead-Eye Dick who confidently predicted Barry would be a one-term president. )

SECOND PLACE
"Hey, I thought of this first! Don't you be trying to steal my thunder!"--cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Hate to splt hairs but the suit is hurling lightening, not thunder. Even so, this suggests God is territorial. Who knew?)
THIRD PLACE
"C-mon! Throw strikes, asshole."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If he intentionally beans a batter, God could be ejected.  Then what would we do?)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Thunder on the mountain, fires on the moon. There's a ruckus in the alley and the sun will be here soon."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From Dylan's terrific song “Thunder on the Mountain” which appears on the 2006 album “Modern Times.” The part that says he's “Been thinkin' 'bout Alicia Keys” is slightly creepy, but long story short: I got it.)

"Acts of God. If they only knew they were actually Acts of Bob."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe I'm projecting but this also appears to be a Dylan reference.)
"Pirelli, you crazy bastard! How are you hitting every car but those with Italian tires?"--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic, albeit baffling.)

"Kill Philip Rivers. He fucked up my fantasy team."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of dumb but I always thought the lighting bolts on the Charger's helmets where tacky. My fantasy team is the USC cheerleaders. Go Trojans!)
"Two hundred eleven games seems fair. Let's see him appeal this!"--

Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A-Rod's hearing will be Sept. 30. Until then, he breaths the air of a free man. After his ridiculously long suspension, he will breath the air of a free agent.)
"Well, if you must, aim for that naked guy sneaking into that house."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Hense the expression “lightning rod,” I guess.)

"If alinla doesn't google fusilier fish with five minutes you can throw the fucker at him."
--
Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I googled “obsessive-compulsive control-freak” and it produced a large mouth bass by the name of Cavanaugh.)
When al strikes oil he stops drilling. Catchy...and what a great life lesson. And besides, who gives a shit if a fusilier is a fish or not.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There are a great many things that I do not give a shit about. Arena football, “Game of Thrones," and all three of the Dekotas –North, South and Fanning – to name a few.)
Throw one al's way to remind him what bad weather looks like.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Metaphorically, I need no reminder.)
In Al's universe, I provide the rolling thunder.--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to Dylan's mid-'70's multi-musician concert tour, I realize, but if history has taught us anything: Noting good ever comes from a guy in a suit throwing lightning bolts.)










52 comments:

Anonymouse said...

"Well, if you must, aim for that naked guy sneaking into that house."

LR said...

"Pirelli, you crazy bastard! How are you hitting every car but those with Italian tires?"

Kathy H said...

"Thor, most people would be satisfied just having a day of the week named after them."

Tim H said...

"Thunder on the mountain, fires on the moon. There's a ruckus in the alley and the sun will be here soon."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Aim for that 'Tesla S". It looks like he has 'Range Anxiety'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I don't care if your sore Thor! Stop throwing curveballs!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Slow down! Our 'PG&E' bill is off the wall!"

cta said...

"Hey, I thought of this first! Don't you be trying to steal my thunder!"

Kathy H said...

"Are you freakin' kidding me??"

Kathy H said...

"I said, 'Are you freakin' kidding me??'"

smuck said...

Dick Cheney : "Think I can hit Obama from here?"
Christ : "What an asshole..."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It was more fun when we used the shovel!"

boneguy said...

It's been so long I forgot what fun smiting can be.

boneguy said...

That one has Bashar Assad's name on it.

Kathy H said...

"I hate those idiots who yell out 'Baba Booey!' on your follow-through!"

Anonymouse said...

"MICHAEL BOLTON...Nooooooo!"

Anonymous said...

"Are you ever gonna give those poor bastards a break? Your last one hit Matt Harvey in the elbow."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymouse said...

"For the love of God, will you please consider the Kentucky windage!!"

The Big G said...

"OK, but remember rain is always my pee."

boneguy said...

My rule of thumb is aim for Ireland. Chances are 50/50 you'll hit a pedophile priest.

Dex said...

"Acts of God. If they only knew they were actually Acts of Bob."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm tired of you yelling ... 'SHAZAM' ... Everytime you throw one of those fucking things!"

pg13 said...

"Your chances of winning the lottery are better."

Anonymous said...

"C-mon! Throw strikes, asshole."

pg13 said...

"I'll double the money if you hit Rachel Ray."

boneguy said...

20 dead people. Zero emissions.

Gameshows in Heaven said...

"Today on Who Wants to Kill People, it's...the Lightning Round!"

The G-Man said...

"Jesus, Lee Trevino's had enough. Do you want me to have you crucified again? Naughty, Jesus, naughty!"

Anonymous said...

"If alinla doesn't google fusilier fish with five minutes you can throw the fucker at him."

Jim Cavanaugh

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"Shocking,"

boneguy said...

Two out of three for the title of "Master of the Universe".

Donna Blitzen said...

Hey Thurber, no more Jolt cola for you!

Anonymous said...

When al strikes oil he stops drilling. Catchy...and what a great life lesson. And besides, who gives a shit if a fusilier is a fish or not.

cta said...

"Hey! Who died and made you god?!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Kill Philip Rivers. He fucked up my fantasy team."

Anonymous said...

"You neighborhood watch people are all alike."

boneguy said...

Throw one al's way to remind him what bad weather looks like.

Anon. said...

"As suspected, you're a little lightning in the loafers"

JimM said...

"I'm not really used to being a caddy, Mr. Blankfein, but for you..."

boneguy said...

Hurry up. Jesus is considering abolishing the one strike and you're out rule.

Angus Podgorny said...

Don't worry about disappointing me. You can't possibly throw worse than Tebow.

Angus Podgorny said...

In Al's universe, I provide the rolling thunder.

Steve_O said...

"You throw like a girl!"

Anonymous said...

"That's right—weight on the balls of your feet, keep your head still, rotate your shoulders. Now nail the bastard."

NAMBY said...

"Just wait 'til they feel the wrath of God's lawyer!"

pg13 said...

"Hold off until I settle the Gatorade lawsuit."

Dr Sumguy said...

"FACT ... Lightning travels from the ground into the cloud! ... Where' Fucked!"

Anonymous said...

"Two hundred eleven games seems fair. Let's see him appeal this!"

Jim Cavanaugh

Missionary Accomplished said...

"You be Shock, and I'll be Awe."

Dex said...

"A nut and a bolt"

Puffin said...

"I've told you before - no bonus points for a buttshot."

Don Don said...

"Dick, Dick, you have to have all the money before you can start doing that."

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.