Monday, July 15, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #388

















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Your wife's stroke is even worse than yours."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Works better if you assume the doctor is a golfing buddy of the man barging in to the O.R. I'm not a fan of needless, extra or extraneous words that are basically unnecessary, but this might have more of an edge if it began with something like “Hey Brad, guess what?” Then finished with “I'm just kidding buddy. Catch you on the back nine.” That would make it more flippant and less, I don't know, clinical.)
SECOND PLACE
Coincidentally, the guy we're working on also had a really bad stroke. --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Same premises as the winner but the tense screws it up. The golfer probably still has a really bad stroke.)
THIRD PLACE
"If it's a Titleist Pro 3, it's mine."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Golfers are very dedicated and highly territorial, is the message here. Upon reading this on their iPhones many golfers would have a mild guffaw. In fact, this cap could successfully accompany the image in a golf magazine.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Carry The New York Times, shoot a few holes, blow their minds."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As everyone who is cool knows, this is a line from an early Dylan song called “I Shall be Free No. 10,” which appears on the 1964 album “Another Side of Bob Dylan.” It is immediately preceded by a line that says “Out to the country club and the golf course.” So it kind of makes sense. It's a complexing and confusing little song is all I'm saying.”
"Coincidentally, the surgeon in charge also did a really bad slice."--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Get it? Slice? This would also work if it was a pizza joint instead of a hospital.)
"Code ... FORE!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: These puns write themselves. Not unlike a guy named Wiener getting involved in a sex scandal.)
"I shot an 88 in my pajamas. How an 88 got in my pajamas I'll never know."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe you should parody something Harpo said – if you get my drift.)
"Is this the M*A*S*H-ie unit?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is based on something from the original movie, you know, “The pros from Dover.” Remember?)
"Radar, put a mask on!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sometimes it's hard to tell which member of the H-family is the, um, most talented, shall we say.)
"He say's, "That's not your ball.""--Don Don (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A quote within a quote gets single quotation marks! But this is not nearly not as sucky as many of the others.)
"How could you.....wait, I'm saving this one for the real contest."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Feel free, but they won't even acknowledge you let alone mock you.)
We're all thrilled you are enjoying your golf vacation, al. Now putt out and get back to work.--bomeguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's not work if you love what you do, or don't get paid.)

61 comments:

boneguy said...

It'll just take a quick sec to check if that's his ball or mine, Doc.

smuck said...

"Aaaaand... She's dead. Your wife is dead."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I lost my ball between the first and second holes ... Oh ... You found it!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Code ... FORE!"

Angus Podgorny said...

Oh shit! Is it tee time already? Well, I guess I can finish this later.

Angus Podgorny said...

Coincidentally, the guy we're working on also had a really bad stroke.

smuck said...

"Coincidentally, the surgeon in charge also did a really bad slice."

boneguy said...

What club should I use for a tight lie between the spleen and pancreas?

Satireguy said...

"I shot an 88 in my pajamas. How an 88 got in my pajamas I'll never know."

pg13 said...

"Stubborn appendix. May I borrow your sand wedge?"

pg13 said...

"Take a drop and call me in the morning."

pg13 said...

"Psychotherapy is down the hall and to the left."

boneguy said...

Those fucking greens keepers and their April Fool's Day pin placement has finally crossed the line!

Dr Someguy said...

"We just extracted a hybrid 3 iron from this gentleman's colon! ... He said something about, ... Well then ... 'Stick This Up Your Ass!"

Anonymouse said...

"Not for nothing, but I drive for show and I putt for dough."

Tim H said...

"Is this the M*A*S*H-ie unit?"

Kathy H said...

"FORE-ceps!!"

Kathy H said...

"Radar, put a mask on!"

Dex said...

Someone call a 'Code Green'?

Dex said...

"I'll be back in four hours. Keep billing."

Anonymous said...

"We found one of your balls, but we can't find the other one."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Im his caddy. Tee time in 45 minutes. Looks like it' going to be ... Hit the ball and drag Fred ... Hit the ball and drag Fred ... Hit the ball and ....dr...F....

Anonymous said...

"You made a hole in one of your wife's eyeballs."

Dr Sumguy said...

"We ordered an 'Ultrasound', not 'Play a Round'!"

boneguy said...

I think we need to consider a more generous conference allowance.

Anonymous said...

"Your wife's stroke is even worse than yours."

Anonymouse said...

"NO! I asked for a go-fer!"

pg13 said...

"Sure, it's safe to play all eighteen. We don't expect your wife to come out of the coma anytime soon."

boneguy said...

Tell Trump for the last time there isn't going to be a Sloan Kettering Memorial golf course.

Anonymouse said...

"Carry The New York Times, shoot a few holes, blow their minds."

REX said...

"Sorry sir, this is naughty patient/angry doctor, you want the role-play room down the hall."

CPOD said...

"What a fucking Asshole!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"This guy had a 12 hour erection. Go play with your balls somewhere else."

Satireguy said...

"If it's a Titleist Pro 3, it's mine."

LR said...

"Can't you wait until we're finished and off the gangrene?"

Satireguy said...

"I'll be back to putt out tomorrow."

Anonymous said...

"Look, Bernice....I just want you see me without my bag over my head."

boneguy said...

Dude, you just missed a tracheostomy hole in one by inches!

boneguy said...

I'd say conservatively that you've got a good fifteen feet left to sink it into his new colostomy.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Get over here and give this bitch a caddy slap!"

Tim H said...

"This is the Door Open. You're looking for the British Open. Putz."

smuck said...

"I'm sorry, sir, but golf is not allowed in the operating room."

Satireguy said...

"Hey, I didn't make the rules. It's play it where it lies."

Dr Sumguy said...

"If things go badly, he wants to be buried next to his 'Mashie Niblick'!"

Satireguy said...

"If he doesn't need, I'll use it."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I guess I'm early for my 'Club Foot' surgery!"

bomeguy said...

We're all thrilled you are enjoying your golf vacation, al. Now putt out and get back to work.

Anonymous said...

"How could you.....wait, I'm saving this one for the real contest."

Anonymous said...

"Mind if I filet through?"

Jim Cavanaugh

reid savid said...

"No, you may not play through the 'fairway'."

pg13 said...

"It's rough."

Anonymous said...

"Not THOSE red flags, asshole."

gfwrite said...

Ah, Four, and a hole in one.

gfwrite said...

My slice met your slice.

reid savid said...

"No you may not 'play through this hole'."

Anonymous said...

"You had a two stroke penalty as soon as you opened the door."

Don Don said...

"He say's, "That's not your ball.""

Anonymous said...

"Keep the clubface open all the way to the ball and let your hips close the clubface at the vortex and finish with a reverse "C" follow through."

lee woo said...

In motivating people, you've got to engage their minds and their hearts. I motivate people, I hope, by example - and perhaps by excitement, by having productive ideas to make others feel involved.

#involved.
www.mocsbar.com

Cindy Dy said...


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lee woo said...

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