Monday, April 15, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #377
























WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Animal Control claims they usually go back to the sewer after they finish the crossword."--Anonymous Coward (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Simplistic but insightful. And if by “finish,” you mean give up, I can relate. Maybe he also looks at his horoscope, reads Doonesbury and checks to see how far out of first place the Mets are—THEN goes back to the sewer [or bed.] At least that's how I read the paper. )
SECOND PLACE

"Now why would you just assume it's a male?"--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once, during live coverage of a police chase in L.A., the news guy offering breathless commentary kept referring to the “suspect” as a “he” and then off handedly said “or it could be a woman, for all we know.” This cap reminds us that rat is not gender specific and a woman can be anything she wants to be—good or bad.)

THIRD PLACE

"...and what's worse is the Bureau of Labor Statistics just announced that 93% of rats have just given up looking for work."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe the remaining 7 percent are just too stupid to come in out of the rain. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

No, I don't think it's him. The rat asshole motherfucker who bombed the Boston Marathon must be much larger."

--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Let's not forget even a small rat can do substantial damage. This was the painful lesson from the disastrous rein of  George W. Bush.)




Winters to Mets for two batboys and a broken bat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhS6wp0MeE&feature=share--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Oh, so you expect us to cut-and-paste the web address into our command line? To save everyone the trouble I did. It's a ridiculous tribute to Jonathan Winters who is seen in this YouTude video wearing a Mets cap. Noted.)

- You'd Sell a Rat's Asshole to a Blind Man as a Wedding Ring - album cover

"You'd sell a rat's asshole to a blind man as a wedding ring."
--
RB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is so asinine and gross that I Googled it. Turns out this the actual  name of  a 1996 compilation album that includes no artists I've ever heard of. [And certainly no Dylan!] Is the rat dead or alive? That would make a difference.)

"We have a phone with a cord and your rat is reading an actual newspaper. What fucking year is this?"--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I agree this would be more contemporary if the rat had an iPad and the woman was texting while standing next to another women to whom she was gay-married. Progress comes slow to the cartoon world.)



"I didn't realize we were still getting the paper."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very smug but let me ask all you anti-newspaper types this: If you are trying to housebreak a puppy, would you want it to take a dump on your lap top? Something to think about.)

"It's your wife. Should I ask her which rat?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay, so the guy just had sex with a woman who didn't know he was married until his wife called and asked to speak to a rat. Remarkably, she is unconcerned about the huge rat reading the paper in the living room. This is a difficult premise to swallow, is all I'm saying.)

He's in my chair--T. Lessclassic (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nod to a previous contest won by a little girl who never entered another contest. Tells you all you need to know.)
"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a cartoon, Mr. Disney?"
"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a play, Mr. Steinbeck?"
"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a role model, Mr. Trump?"--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Casting a wide net, Steve_O entered these three lame caps in rapid succession. If only someone had asked him: What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a caption? Remember it's quality, quantity.)
"All I got out of him is that his last name is Rizzo."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here again we see a instance where a link would have been appropriate but sadly Kathy let us down. )
"I knew we should have listened to Keith and Mick when they said 'You got rats on the West Side'."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here again we see a instance where a link is completely unnecessary! Who among us can read the line and not hear “beg bugs uptown.” The Stones have become their own cover band. Kathy let us down. )
"It's Art Spiegelman. He's suing us for copyright infringement."--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to an artist who did for rats what Karl Rove did for W. And if you are wondering why I am still obsessing about the worst president in the history of civilization, the opening of his "library" in [where else?] Texas, has encouraged revisionist history  suggesting that he wasn't all that bad...yada yada. I cringed when I read that he lives the pampered life of an idle millionaire. This ineloquent bumbling idiot also gets six-figures for a "speech." To me, he'll always be the scum bag who cost many thousands of people their lives and countless more their jobs. Just an arrogant, incompetent, dishonest phony. Nuff said.)
Note to al: Used as adjective AND noun is called ambiguous.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to a comment I made. I always appreciate caps that suggest someone is paying attention even if it is a poorly written erroneous cap that reveals the Anti-Capper to be a turd-brain. [Sorry, but this W. thing has really put me in a foul mood.])


65 comments:

Jess said...

"It's the doorman. Did you order a pizza with extra cheese?"

Anonymous said...

"Ma's dead. Round up the usual suspect."

boneguy said...

Stop procrastinating Nathan and build me a better mouse trap.

Anonymous said...

"It's your wife. Should I ask her which rat?"

boneguy said...

Yes dear, I did read that Hurricane Sandy drowned 99% of New York's sewer rats. What about it?

LR said...

"Should I add that he replaced our artwork with scenes of his favorite landfills?"

T. Lessclassic said...

He's in my chair

Anonymous said...

Note to al: Used as adjective AND noun is called ambiguous.

Kathy H said...

"All I got out of him is that his last name is Rizzo."

boneguy said...

Timmy won first prize for his "Wonders of Radiation" entry at the school science fair!

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's our new cleaning lady ... Cheap ... But not the quickest rodent in the rat race!"

smuck said...

"It's Art Spiegelman. He's suing us for copyright infringement."

Kathy H said...

"I knew we should have listened to Keith and Mick when they said 'You got rats on the West Side'."

Anonymouse said...

"Don't bother him. He's still bummed about Annette Funicello."

Tim H said...

"He said that USA Today is O.K. But he'd really like to read Good Mousekeeping."

pg13 said...

"So I can't believe what an an animal you were last night, and you can't remember a thing?"

boneguy said...

He doesn't know it yet, but he's an exact match for Dick Cheney's heart transplant.

pg13 said...

"It's time for you to start treating my mother like a human being."

pg13 said...

"It's Ann A. Graham. I can't find the Arts in the Star. Rats!"

Tim H said...

"...and what's worse is the Bureau of Labor Statistics just announced that 93% of rats have just given up looking for work."

REX said...

"That's right, he screwed your wife and now he's sitting in your chair reading your paper...He's a fucking rat, Todd, what do you expect.?"

Steve_O said...

"I didn't realize we were still getting the paper."

Dex said...

"We have a phone with a cord and your rat is reading an actual newspaper. What fucking year is this?"

Anonymous said...

It's Larry David. He says if we cook it, it tastes just like Palestinian chicken.

Anonymouse said...

"His name is Ben and he's all growed up."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's Bejing ... They say their 'Rat of the Year' is missing!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He wants to do a porno remake of 'Ratatouille' ... And call it ... 'Ratatushie'!"

Tim H said...

"I'm ordering a new chair. I kept telling you this one was getting, y'know, ratty."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Ratskeller University? ... I'd like to report an identity theft involving my son Willard!!!"

cta said...

"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist."

Steve_O said...

"I take it back, Sal. Maybe you weren't the one who gave me the plague."

Anonymous said...

"No, I don't think it's him. The rat asshole motherfucker who bombed the Boston Marathon must be much larger."

Jim Cavanaugh

Grouchy said...

"This morning I saw a rat reading the paper in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."

boneguy said...

I know it's been tough on him, but Walt Disney died in 1966.

Anonymous said...

Winters to Mets for two batboys and a broken bat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhS6wp0MeE&feature=share

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's got a Boenher, and he's reading 'Porn News' ... I'm calling 'Terminex'!"

REX said...

"The cat called in sick again."

Anonymous said...

"You'd sell a rat's asshole to a blind man as a wedding ring."

RB

Anonymous said...

"The police are on the phone. Someone told them all about our illegal activities...But who? Who would tell them?"

Steve_O said...

"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a cartoon, Mr. Disney?"

Steve_O said...

"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a play, Mr. Steinbeck?"

Steve_O said...

"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a role model, Mr. Trump?"

DaleAgogo said...

"They traced the call and it's coming from inside the hamster cage!"

Anonymous said...

Yesterday's paper? I think it's lining his cage.

REX said...

"Him? Just a little device I use to spell the word 'arithmetic.' Remember: A Rat In The House Might Eat The Ice Cream."

boneguy said...

Please let Mr. LaPierre know the Senate vote for the gun bill wasn't even close.

Anonymous said...

"They shot one dead, but the other rat is still hiding among us."

Anonymous Coward said...

"Animal Control claims they usually go back to the sewer after they finish the crossword."

Anonymous said...

"He misses Annette."

NJ-to-TX said...

"PETA was here. They were really upset about all that testing your dad did before he retired, so they did that to him."

Satireguy said...

"It's the exterminators. They can't make it until Monday."

Satireguy said...

"Do you want to tell him or should I?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's Norwegian ... I'm calling Racestreet Fish to see if they have any 'whale meat'!"

Satireguy said...

"The lab says it's not one of theirs."

Anonymous said...

Cheney; Self-Portrait

Jim Cavanaugh

NJ-to-TX said...

"Now why would you just assume it's a male?"

Anonymous said...

"They miss him in Boca Raton."

reid savid said...

"Louis says Splinter shit in the conference room again."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"It's not a small world after all."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Fuck you and the tailed capybera you rode in on."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm crossing a pie with this rat ... That way we can leave this stinking cartoon and hit #378!"

Ken said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
boneguy said...

My brother called. He's sailing over to show us his new pet rabbit.

NJ-to-TX said...

"You liked the crunchy sausages that were on your plate? What crunchy sausages?"

Anonymous said...

Note to al: Ever hear of Richard Brautigan, you rat's asshole?

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.