Monday, February 11, 2013

BONUS Anti-Cap Contest

In this week’s cartoon caption contest, we’re giving you the chance to re-caption the drawing that Elaine submitted to The New Yorker on an episode of “Seinfeld”. Elaine’s caption: “I wish I were taller.” Entries accepted through Sunday, July 22nd: http://nyr.kr/SBR1jQ


WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"My wife says I'm a boar."--cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This wins because it sucks on several levels. His wife knew he was a pig when she married him, but she had no idea he was such a BORE. Now he is complaining about it, but cta screwed the pooch by using the wrong word. In this arena, that type of incompetence is rewarded and encouraged. Every one's cool with that, right?)
SECOND PLACE
"I'm a short stocky slow-witted bald bore!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With bad table manners, no doubt. Slightly better but given that short stocky slow-witted bald bores essentially rule the world, one wonders why he is complaining about it.)
THIRD PLACE
I Haven't seen so many bad links since Jimmy Dean offered Pork Tartare Sausages ."--Anonymouse's Quality Control Agent (Links Division) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is bogus. We have no quality control here at Anti-Cap HQ. On that much we can all agree.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly???
I'm crying."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The piece of shit who killed John Lennon was in the news recently. Made me cringe. You know, Dylan has a tribute song to John on his most recent album, Tempest. It's called “Roll on, John.” A sample: “Another day in your life until your journey’s end. Shine your light, move it on, you burn so bright, roll on John.” Amen and RIP, brother.)


"I object to my appearance in a real-life New Yorker cartoon! My creation in Seinfeldwas intended as a commentary on how unfunny those cartoons are and, quite frankly, this blatant act of co-optation reeks of desperation on the part of a magazine blind to its own irrelevance! Also, my wife is a slut!"--George Martin Fell Brown (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An obvious choice given the history of this cartoon. Yes, the complaining pig was used as a bonus Anti-Cap back in July of last year. And yes this is the cap that won. So? Here's what I said about it at the time: The "My-wife-is-a-slut" part made it a slam-dunk. Still, I disagree with GMFB's harsh assessment. In my view the NYer's decision to run it was a bold and long over-due move that hints at the magazine's playfully wit and its willingness to needle its core demographic [represented here by the pig, of course]. Either that or someone missed a deadline. It could be this  had been languishing for years in a file labeled  "Emergency Complaining Pig Cartoon." Whatever brought it out of mothballs is not the issue. It's a powerful image that offers irony and ambiguity. Maybe it is poking fun at pampered people who still find reasons to complain. Perhaps it suggests that those who complain are usually losers.  Caption-wise the  real irony is that the pig is complaining that something reeks.)
"Alright, I'll say it: 'Deja Moo!'! 

[Thanks, Dr Sumguy.]--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: What are you thanking Dr Sumguy for? )
"He judged 368 a week early and left 357 to 360 just sitting there!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So you admit it hurts when I ignore you. And you further admit you are best represented by swine. Noted.)
Apparently al got that crystal meth shipment I sent him.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If I have taught you anything it should be this: Never confuse lazy with preoccupied or commitment with obligation or, for that matter, funny with not-funny. )
I certainly am aware that bipolar disorder causes mood swings of alternating extreme lassitude and wild bursts of superhuman productivity. Why, do you know al, too?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure, take your cheap shots. If I had the time I would look up what the fuck “lassitude” means. I'm sure it's nothing good.)
There's a penis and a topless chick on the previous post. And they call ME a pig.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's not a penis, it's a dick, Johnny. )

73 comments:

Jess said...

"I'd say my place is a sty, but it's been said before."

Anonymous said...

"Someone called me a pig!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"If I was a cow instead of a pig ... the correct caption would be ... 'Deja Moo'!"

boneguy said...

I certainly am aware that bipolar disorder causes mood swings of alternating extreme lassitude and wild bursts of superhuman productivity. Why, do you know al, too?

ppppppp-porky said...

some wolf blew my house down and didnt even give me a 'reach-around'!

Anonymous said...

"He judged 368 a week early and left 357 to 360 just sitting there!"

Obligatory Dylan said...

On to the escalators
Down on the elevators
Vagrants and wayfarers

NJ-to-TX said...

"I'm too fucking short."

boneguy said...

I'd like to return my Epilady. Have a look at my forearms.

Anonymous said...

"A guy holding a lamb in his arms walks up to his wife saying, 'This is the pig I've been having sex with.' His wife says, 'That's not a lamb, it's a pig.' He says, 'I wasn't talking to you.'"

Anonymous said...

Apparently al got that crystal meth shipment I sent him.

MUCH Better Obligatory Dylan said...

"He saw an animal leavin’ a muddy trail
Real dirty face and a curly tail
He wasn’t too small and he wasn’t too big
“Ah, think I’ll call it a pig”

smuck said...

"I was shot by a mentally ill gunman in the theater. Fortunately, he just braised my rib."

George Martin Fell Brown said...

"I object to my appearance in a real-life New Yorker cartoon! My creation in Seinfeldwas intended as a commentary on how unfunny those cartoons are and, quite frankly, this blatant act of co-optation reeks of desperation on the part of a magazine blind to its own irrelevance! Also, my wife is a slut!"

Hypocritical Idiot said...

"Then he said 'Fuck the pig and the horse he rode in on.'"

REX said...

"The Muslim chick I'm dating won't go down on me."

boneguy said...

I was minding my own business in the meat department and,WHAM,the next thing I know, some guy tried to smoke me.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Everytime I'm next to a cop they yell ... 'HEY PIG'... I find that denigrating ... especially to black people"!

Shelly said...

"Why have I always been dissed as a cloven-hooved ungulate, yet "camel-toe" has modern cachet? It's just not fair."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"Someday all of this will be mine, except you."

Anonymous said...

"I am just like the New Yorker, I only come once a week and no one understands me."

LR said...

"You know trading pork bellies is 'the other white slavery'."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I failed the new porcine eye chart ... EE-I-ee-i-oh!"

JohnnyB said...

There's a penis and a topless chick on the previous post. And they call ME a pig.

JohnnyB said...

Kathy H, if you try to make a sausage link, I'm outta here.

Kathy H said...

"German Popes."

Satireguy said...

"I'm tasty and delicious."

cta said...

"My wife says I'm a boar."

boneguy said...

Is this where I submit my ballot for the black pope?

Tim H said...

"Alright, I'll say it: 'Deja Moo!'!

[Thanks, Dr Sumguy.]

Anonymouse said...

"There hasn't beena good movie since National Lampoon's Animal House."

Anonymous said...

"Lipstick."

Sexy Deluded Pig said...

"Where's your other hand? Oh, you're touching your box 'cause I'm so hot. Oh yeah, baby, who's your pig!? Oink, Oink (followed by wild squealing)"

Jess said...

"I found 'Lincoln' dull."

Anonymous said...

"Rex Reed called me fat."

Anonymouse's Quality Control Agent (Links Division) said...

"I haven't seen so many bad links since Jimmy Dean offered Pork Tartare Sausages ."

Anonymous said...

"Somebody stole my Harley porked out front."

Anonymous said...

"Contest 360 has been judged! I can't complain anymore."

Anonymous said...

"I'm a short stocky slow-witted bald bore!"

REX said...

"Can't complain. You?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"I saw Deliverance. I was offended by Ned Beatty's pathetic attempts to sound like me."

boneguy said...

Everything was fine until I ran into the "Makin' Bacon" poster sale.

Steve_O said...

"You again?" What the fuck does that mean?

Anonymous said...

"Orrysay, Iway oughtthay ouyay ereway away irrormay."

Jess said...

"I kept some 103 year-old woman waiting for six hours in the vote sun and she still voted."

Anonymous said...

"My Jewish girlfriend won't eat me."

Anonymous said...

There's been a mistake. To the best of my knowledge, General Tso hated chicken.

Anonymous said...

"See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly???
I'm crying."

Anonymous said...

"It's Anticappers doin' the Harlem Shake. That put the official end to it."

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