Monday, February 4, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #368















NOTE: The NYer Cap Contest is stretched over two weeks, but in the spirit of trying to keep this thing moving, I have coughed up winners and even posted a bonus contest. Reflect your gratitude in the form of captions that don't waste every one's time. 

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
Any idea where I can get a "If You Can Read This The Bitch Fell Off " back tattoo ?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A little wordy but I laughed a knowing laugh the first time I saw this on the back of a t-shirt. It's a commentary on the duplicity of the biker lifestyle. They often resent the only person who truly loves them. They also get a lot of tattoos. Added plus: this cap would never gain traction in the NYer.)

SECOND PLACE

Yes, I'm uncircumcised, how did you ... oh, no helmet!--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: About as good as you are going to get from Johnny. Say what you will about this veteran Anti-Capper who is back week after week, he gives good head...[wait for it]...jokes. )

THIRD PLACE
There was a man from Boston,
who had an Austin Malton.
He had room for his ass
and a gallon of gas
but his balls hung out
and he lost 'em!--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We seldom get caps in the form of verse. This is also a cautionary tale about the dangers of riding naked. Although Boston is a bit cold right now for this type of thing. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Jack Kerouac's On the Road (A Penguin Books Amplified Edition)
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like roman candles exploding across the stars. Bitch."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A Jack Kerouac sample. He didn't use the word “bitch.” He didn't have to. Thanks for this Steve. It would be the winner if it wasn't so perfect.)


"You must be Fonda Peters, no?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A good little pun and it suggests the girl rider is speeding up to get a peek at his pecker. Someone else said it was a porn movie called “Sleazy Rider” but I'm trying to cut down on the number of Honorable Mentions as a means of wasting as little time as possible on this. )

"The Harleys here are obscene."--REX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Keeping alive a classic at all costs.)

"I's high flyin', bare naked ..."--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From the 1963 Dylan song "I Shall Be Free." It is a rambling little ditty from his second debut album. It includes these verses which clearly reference an erection: “Well, my telephone rang it would not stop / It's President Kennedy callin' me up / He said, 'My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow'? / I said, 'My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot...Anita Ekberg...Sophia Loren...Country'll grow.'” Get it?)

"What the fuck is going on here!?" *



* There are numerous problems with this drawing. The most obvious one involves the design of the scooter. The frame of a scooter is designed so that the rider can place her feet on a platform in front of the seat. On a motorcycle, the rider straddles a seat and places her feet on pegs that jut out from the frame. In this drawing, the scooter has pegs and the rider has to lean her body far forward to use them, as if riding a sport bike.--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You forgot to mention that the guy on the chopper is naked. Take a tip from me: Don't over-think this stuff or it will rot what's left of your brain. )

This is what I did today (that's me without the hat). Please don't judge me for not judging you. As I explain repeatedly, I have been, you know, kind of busy with other stuff. If you want to caption this photo feel free, but anyone who makes fun of Mrs. Al on the other bike risks a life-time ban from the Anti Cap, as if it has any life left at all in la--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny has cleverly taken something I added to this blog and twisted it a bit and made it as funny as anything he has ever entered. I take umbrage at the suggestion that I “repeatedly” explain my situation. I don't do anything on this blog repeatedly, which is why you and some other diehards are left with no other sites to visit on the internet.)
My riding naked makes as much sense as al posting to this ghost ship of a site.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Ouch! This was the first cap entered. Since I was about 15 I have been writing in a journal that no one but me has ever seen. Don't talk to me about ghost ships. )
oblivious-asshole-award"The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind, and so is my cock and balls. Go Mets! Nova sure is Cute. Have you ever seen Mystery Alaska... Greatest movie ever! I'm a writer...I'm a writer!!!!"--Psycko Phant (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nephew of mine once proudly observed “Uncle Al is a writer!” I immediately corrected him by simply saying “Failed writer.” That was like 20 years ago but this cap made me think of that telling moment. Writers comes in many forms, as do judges.)

Technically it should be 'are' blowing in the wind--Word Police (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually...oh never mind! )

55 comments:

Anonymous said...

My riding naked makes as much sense as al posting to this ghost ship of a site.

REX said...

"The Harleys here are obscene."

Dr Sumguy said...

There was a man from Boston, who had an Austin Malton. He had room for his ass, and a gallon of gas, but his balls hung out, and he lost 'em!

Dr Sumguy said...

"Hey lady ... Wanna see me do a wheely ... With my wee wee?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Hey lady ... Wanna see me do a wheely ... With my wee wee?"

JohnnyB said...

This is what I did today (that's me without the hat). Please don't judge me for not judging you. As I explain repeatedly, I have been, you know, kind of busy with other stuff. If you want to caption this photo feel free, but anyone who makes fun of Mrs. Al on the other bike risks a life-time ban from the Anti Cap, as if it has any life left at all in la

Anonymous said...

You like my Hog?

boneguy said...

Any idea where I can get a "If You Can Read This The Bitch Fell Off " back tattoo ?

Hypocritical Idiot said...

"Fuck the pig and the horse he rode in on!"

--Because I think it's my funniest anti-cap to-date, and I'm not sure which contest you'll judge next.

Kathy H said...

"Listen to me when I point out the Ed Koch Queensboro Bridge!"

Anonymous said...

I left a skid mark at the last stop.

Richard H said...

"And where exactly would you have me put the T-Mobile 4G cellphone you're trying to sell me?"

Steve_O said...

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like roman candles exploding across the stars. Bitch."

Kathy H said...

"So, tell me. How did you get the name Vespa?"

Don Jr. said...

"You got nothin on me"

Anonymous said...

"There is love and there is a cry for love"

Tim H said...

"O.K. Then, how about a naked brunch?"

Kathy H said...

"I understand that Mailer's original title was The Naked and the Drop-Dead Gorgeous."

Anonymous said...

"Don't ever argue with the big dog, because the big dog is always right."

boneguy said...

Jesus Hillary, isn't it just like you to retire just as I finally found myself?

Anonymous said...

"Condoms are for sissies, ma'am."

JohnnyB said...

Yes, I'm uncircumcised, how did you ... oh, no helmet!

boneguy said...

That's funny, I never run out of gas.

Anonymouse said...

"...because I'm getting my suit cleaned and pressed. Oh, and my shirt, tie, belt, shoes and socks."

Anonymous said...

"I never joke about my work, (o)(o)7."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Pardon me Miss ... Which way to Nordstroms?"

Anonymous said...

"You wanna ride on my Fat Boy?"

Jim Cavanaugh

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...


"Hasta la Vespa, baby.”

LR said...

"Hey baby, when you pass me just remember, 'Object in Mirror much Bigger than it Appears'."

Dr Sumguy said...

'The Crack of Dawn' is passed by 'Full Moon Rising'!

boneguy said...

My rear exhaust has never come close to California emissions standards.

Whacking Racer said...

Hey Penelope, how would You like to be My next pitstop?

reid savid said...

The Prophet Muhammad. 21st century. Oil on canvas, 182.9cm x 121.8cm. Museum of Modern Art, New York.

reid savid said...

Larry from New Jersey moves into first place.

reid savid said...

Easy Rider's alternate ending.

NAMBI said...

"Bob Dole no longer suffers from erectile dysfunction and Bob Dole wants the world to know."

Anonymous said...

"You must be Fonda Peters, no?"

Bus-Boner Jackson said...

"Because the vibrating seat feels great on my taint and balls. That's why."

Grandma said...

"Hey, you know how fat chicks are like mopeds? They're both fun to ride until your friends see you."

Anonymous said...

"It's called a chopper, baby, and I'm airing out my bushmaster."

Jess said...

"For fuck's sake Bob, that's not what I meant when I challenged you to a 'drag race.' "

Dr Sumguy said...

Sid's 'Vicious Cycle' passes the 'Menstrual Cycle' during the BaHaHa 1000!

Anonymous said...

"I always thought you were crazy, big guy, but now I can see your nuts."


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'll show you my 'Crank', if you show me your 'Crack'!"

Anonymous said...

"I'm doing a porn movie ... 'Rebel Without a Condom'!"

Anonymous said...

"I'm doing a porn movie ... 'Sleazy Rider'

Anonymous said...

"Hey baby! I can tell you like material things... How do you like my new cloths?"

Obligatory Dylan said...

"I's high flyin', bare naked ..."

Anonymous said...

"And yes ... My eye is also naked!"

Satireguy said...

"Fuck you and the Vespa you rode in on."

Satireguy said...

"I hope Farley Katz is better at creating captions than he is at drawing cartoons."

smuck said...

"What the fuck is going on here!?" *

* There are numerous problems with this drawing. The most obvious one involves the design of the scooter. The frame of a scooter is designed so that the rider can place her feet on a platform in front of the seat. On a motorcycle, the rider straddles a seat and places her feet on pegs that jut out from the frame. In this drawing, the scooter has pegs and the rider has to lean her body far forward to use them, as if riding a sport bike.

Anonymous said...

Yo, Smuck. Gotcha! But this is nothing compared to what cartoonists do to Weber kettles.

Psycko Phant said...

"The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind, and so is my cock and balls. Go Mets! Nova sure is Cute. Have you ever seen Mystery Alaska... Greatest movie ever! I'm a writer...I'm a writer!!!!"

Word Police said...

Technically it should be 'are' blowing in the wind

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.