Monday, January 21, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #366






"He was my first Afro ... I guess the 'Jig is Up'!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very stupid, but not without ironic merit.  “Jig,” of course is short for “jigaboo” which the Urban Diction describes as the “funniest sounding racial slur known to man.” Perhaps that's why we so seldom hear it. It's a thin line between funny and don't-go there-man! If you said this on TV you wouldn't have a Chinaman's chance of keeping your job. So maybe its okay to use for its humor value.)

SECOND PLACE
Sure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes. 
(If I'm not mistaken, this was the very first anti-cap I ever entered. I offer my insincere apologies for the fact that it won't be my last.)--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So? Who keeps track of such things? And insincere apologies are as common as they are infuriating. What's impressive is the unfounded hubris.)

THIRD PLACE
"Fucking Arab spring."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Makes sense. Spring is a season and a device. What that has to do with a barber shop chair – who knows?)

HONNORABLE MENTIONS
"I never joke about my work, 007."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because people who make jokes are at least trying to be funny – unlike the author of this cap. )



"Christ, what an asshole."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rare instances of a classic cap used verbatim in the service of humor. This linked to something, but who has time to drill down?)

"Flew ceilingly, you crazy barber. How are you?"--Di Kweed (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reaching for a classic is like reaching for the meaning of life --- a fool's errand.)

"No Mr. Bond? I expect he will fly"--Di Kweed (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much better than the previously cap but still not particularly good [frankly].) 

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A cautionary tale about vanity if we assume the aging spy refused to have his hair colored and was promptly jettisoned through the ceiling.)

"Fuck the pig and the horse he rode in on!"
--Because I think it's my funniest anti-cap to-date, and I'm not sure which contest you'll judge next.--Hypocritical Idiot (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Noted, but back seat judging is still frowned on.)

"There goes Al ... That's it for the Anti-Caption Contest!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If history has taught us anything: Those thrust sky-ward may crash through the ceiling, but they fall back to earth. )

"He just sat in that chair, sometimes from sundown to sunrise, writing and editing ... and whining."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If by whining you mean the consumption of Merlot or Chardonnay, you have offered great insight and a slight sapling error. If you mistake an astute observation for a gripe or complaint, you should sit in a spring-loaded barber's chair and wait for launch.)

It's much like entering the anti-cap contest. There's about a 50-50 chance that anything will happen.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And the winners will envy the losers. Once again we see the need for validation is more important that the creative outlet provided for you on this humble little blog. You sicken me. )

What a shame. al was our best customer.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If by “best” you mean least likely to laugh at your stupid jokes, you nailed it. )

"Anyone else care to complain about the lack of anti-cap contestant winners???"
---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well...I'm waiting. )

61 comments:

boneguy said...

It was Neil Armstrong's last wish.

boneguy said...

What a shame. al was our best customer.

boneguy said...

It's for the best. The guy was an Atlanta Falcons fan.

Anonymous said...

"Fucking Arab spring."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Whoops ... All he wanted was 'A Little off the Top'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He did say he wanted ... 'BANGS'!"

Tim H said...

"Next."

Kathy H said...

"Between that hole in the ceiling and this dangerous-looking spring, it's no wonder I have no customers."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...


"That's our Pink Floyd. Sends 'em to the dark side of the moon on the final cut."

Shelly said...

"Meet my partner, Todd Sweeney."

Shelly said...

"What are the odds? Just as he was cutting the tag off his new chair base, a coiled piece of Skylab space junk falls right through onto it."

Anonymous said...

"I never joke about my work, 007."

Dr Sumguy said...

"'JEWASTRO' ... Next!"

boneguy said...

No wonder he's the barber to the stars.

NJ-to-TX said...

"What the fuck? Not even one piece of plaster on the floor?"

Anonymous said...

"If you fucking tired of this job, just quit. You don't need to abuse your contestan...I mean clients."

Anonymous said...

"Anyone else care to complain about the lack of anti-cap contestant winners???"


---blw

Anonymous said...

“I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis . . . I suppose this is a start.”


---Jack Twist

JohnnyB said...

Does my reflection make me look hunchbacked?

JohnnyB said...

Most people get outta the chair as soon as he gets to .."the monkey chased the weasel..."

boneguy said...

Spring came early this year.

Dr Sumguy said...

Shave and a lift off ... two bits.

Anonymous said...

"See what happens to the friends of Eddie Coil?"

Anonymous said...

"Damn! ... That's the third Brazilian wax landing strip runway overshot, this month!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Uh, oh, Harold Camping's new Rapure date was right and we're still here."

boneguy said...

It's an unusually aggressive promotion for the new Tarantino movie, "Wormhole Unchained".

Dr Sumguy said...

"There goes Al ... That's it for the Anti-Caption Contest!"

Anonymous Coward said...

"It's only fair after his last check bounced."

Angus Podgorny said...

Oh, oh, are we gonna fly
Up in the barber chair!

Angus Podgorny said...

I guess we'll be a trio now.

Angus Podgorny said...

Sure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes.
(If I'm not mistaken, this was the very first anti-cap I ever entered. I offer my insincere apologies for the fact that it won't be my last.)

NJ-to-TX said...

"Christ, what an asshole."

Anonymous said...

"Those fucking MIT students got in here again."

Anonymous said...

"He just sat in that chair, sometimes from sundown to sunrise, writing and editing ... and whining."

Startled Barber said...

"Don't you worry, Mr. Patron-guy, that bald spot I accidently just shaved into your head when that chair spring broke will grow in pretty fast. Sore-ry!."

Di Kweed said...

"Flew ceilingly, you crazy barber. How are you?"

Di Kweed said...

"No Mr. Bond? I expect he will fly"

Anonymous said...

"Fuckin-A!. I just sharted!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"With my 'Permanent Wave' ... They never come back!"

Tim H said...

"Hey, Figaro, I told you that chair had a hair-trigger!"

Anonymous said...

It's much like entering the anti-cap contest. There's about a 50-50 chance that anything will happen.

boneguy said...

Fuck if that doesn't happen every time Wernher von Braun comes in for a trim.

Anonymous said...

“Apparently, he had a higher calling . . .”



---left coast wayne

Richard H said...

"He'll be back next week"

Dr Sumguy said...

"So ... The last thing I said was ... 'This won't Hurt a Bit!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"All I said was ... I heard you got picked for jury duty!"

Anonymous said...

"Being on call for NASA is a bitch."


---blw

Anonymouse said...

"Geez. And your first customer, ever. What are the chances?"

Anonymous said...

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"He was my first Afro ... I guess the 'Jig is Up'!"

mike ropenis said...

Last time he cheats on the Evrolet girl!

Anonymous said...

"Flyaway hair?"

JIm Cavanaugh

NJ-to-TX said...

"I don't care if his skull was crushed as long as his hair looks good."

Anonymous said...

“Ahh . . . spring is in the air.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

Next time you might warn him about the free Brazilian.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Shit, he didn't pay me."

Hypocritical Idiot said...

"Fuck the pig and the horse he rode in on!"

--Because I think it's my funniest anti-cap to-date, and I'm not sure which contest you'll judge next.

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