Monday, January 28, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #367

    












WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
No one wanted to touch it. It's a poison IV.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rare instance when a painfully awful pun is a slam dunk winner. And if he was in fact receiving poison by intervenous he would die, which gives it some plausibility. That it was entered by someone too ashamed [or lazy] to include a fake name is a fitting reminder of Anti-Cap culture.)
SECOND PLACE
"He was born on February 29th ... 'Rest in Pisces'!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another pun but not nearly as good—in fact this cap truly sucks and should never been entered. Who ever entered it is a real a jerk, probably a Red Sox fan from New Jersey who has never been to a Dylan concert. [Just want to remind you what you miss when I don't judge this shit.].)
THIRD PLACE
"Hey . . . Papa's got a brand new bag."---J.Brown (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Our first-ever James Brown caption. Very nice. It seems innocent enough until you realize this could also apply to a colostomy bag.)

HONNORABLE MENTIONS
It's so bittersweet that one our sons had to be sacrificed on Super Bowl Sunday.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A bit clumsy but certainly topical. Remember: Even the losing coach did better than all the other coaches except the one who won.)
"He looks happy ... I guess the enema bag is working!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here's my suggested slogan for the product: "Enemas...For when you just don't give a shit.” [I wanted to trademark that for the Anti-Cap but never got around to it.] )
Goddamn barbershop chair spring got him out of the blue.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That cartoon was even worse than this one, so just let it go, okay?)
Poor al. He thought he could skate, talk and record a selfie at the same time.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I hate to make a bad cap worse by bringing up the truth, but I DID do those three things at once – with grace and aplomb. And when I got home, I ordered new skates online so there may be a follow-up selfie.)
Jeez, why don't they let Al die already—he's way outlived his usefulness.--Ashen Dockworker (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There is an undeniable element of truth here, but it's not that simple. I have a future hockey player who needs schooling on slap shots and cheap shots. Thanks for the encouragement, Assface Douche-bag.)
"His last words were ... 'It's Tough' ... But not as tough as doing anticaptions!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually, “doing anticaptions” is easy, doing them well is another matter. JohnnyB, Boneguy and KathyH could tell you that.)
"Just when we're ready to pull the plug he wakes up and judges another contest. You think he's fucking with us?"
--
Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why is it always about you?)




40 comments:

NAMBI said...

"Lived in L.A....Used to judge a contest or something...You hungry? I could go for Chinese."

Drv Sumguy said...

"He's got his cell phone. ... The good news. ... No roaming charges!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"This stiff looks like he's coming ... Not going"!

Dr Sumguy said...

"He looks happy ... I guess the enema bag is working!"

boneguy said...

Before Obamacare, we'd actually have to wait for our parents to get sick before we buried them.

boneguy said...

Goddamn barbershop chair spring got him out of the blue.

Satireguy said...

"Yes, you're right, these 3-D glasses do make him look more lifelike."

Anonymous said...

"His last words were ... 'It's Tough' ... But not as tough as doing anticaptions!"

boneguy said...

His doc could never remember if O negative is the universal donor or recipient.

Anonymous said...

"Just when we're ready to pull the plug he wakes up and judges another contest. You think he's fucking with us?"

Jim Cavanaugh

Steve_O said...

"We're your death panel."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He was born on February 29th ... 'Rest in Pisces'!"

Shelly said...

"Fitting wake for a real drip."

"They could've at least cleaned the big cobweb out of the coffin."

"It's an Express- embalm, wake and cremate in one day or your money back."

"I know he wanted to be buried with his catheter, but that's no way to hang it."

boneguy said...

I threw on a Michael Bolton CD. Death's not looking so bad now, is it Sid?

Tim H said...

"He looks so...dead."

Richard H said...

"Hand me the pillow and let's get this funeral started."

boneguy said...

I think this what Republicans call "self-deportation ".

Jess said...

"They haven't even played their first Spring Training game yet! Christ's sake, you Mets fans are all alike."

Anonymous said...

"Check to see if he's wearing "The Glove"."

Anonymous Coward said...

"Having one foot in the grave wasn't enough?"

boneguy said...

Poor al. He thought he could skate, talk and record a selfie at the same time.

Ashen Dockworker said...

Jeez, why don't they let Al die already—he's way outlived his usefulness.

Dr Sumguy said...

"The 'IV' was his last request ... He believed in life after death!"

Anonymous said...

"Ew. Gross. A face like that should have been cremated. look, his IV is still in. Weird."

Anonymous said...

No one wanted to touch it. It's a poison IV.

Anonymous said...

"Honey, now that he's dead, you should know I fucked him once. He had a micro-penis. Look, his IV is still in. Weird?!"

boneguy said...

Do you think there would be any harm if I used his IV to water the hydrangeas?

Anonymous said...

"Hey . . . Papa's got a brand new bag."


---J.Brown

Anonymous said...

"It's too bad the barber didn't finish. That's one ugly-ass haircut."


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Hey, what's in the bag, Goose???"


---Granny Goose, circa 1967

NJ-to-TX said...

"I don't think this qualifies as heroin chic, Henry."

Anonymous said...

It's so bittersweet that one our sons had to be sacrificed on Super Bowl Sunday.

Hypocritical Idiot said...

"Fuck the pig and the horse he rode in on!"

--Because I think it's my funniest anti-cap to-date, and I'm not sure which contest you'll judge next.

Anonymous said...

"At least Ray Lewis didn't get to him after the Super Bowl."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"If he doesn't die in the next forty-five minutes I'm leaving."

boneguy said...

Did you see al's biography on Amazon, "A Caption Too Far?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"The testosterone drip is working ... I see him as a nude biker in the future!"

cubshlub said...

Uncle Albert always did have to have the last turd

Dr Sumguy said...

Vampire ICU.

Anonymous said...

"The needle and the damage done."

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