Monday, November 12, 2012

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #357


76 comments:

Angus Podgorny said...

Get the hell out of our house, creepy Republican neighbor dude!

Angus Podgorny said...

The moment his pole numbers started dropping, I knew he was going to lose the erection.

boneguy said...

Um, how do I put this? Nate Silver is no longer gay.

Anonymous said...

"Because his .26 thru .49 is larger than yours, Harry."

boneguy said...

Do you mind? I'm almost through connecting the dots of my Patraeus biography.

LR said...

"If you look under the covers, you'll see there are not nearly enough dots for a dick and balls. So yes, Harold, I'm really a lesbian."

Anonymous said...

"It's the math I do as a Republican to make myself feel better."

boneguy said...

I'm sorry but a woman has her needs. Right now, mine happens to be a No. 2 pencil.

JohnnyB said...

YOu knew I was a number cruncher when you married me.

JohnnyB said...

I brought a couple of digits. Do you mind?

JohnnyB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JohnnyB said...

First I did Hidden Pictures, then Find the Differences and now Connect the Dots. I'm just giving you the Highlights, Goofus.

Damon said...

"The threesomes are great, but you singing `la la la la' while you're working the pencil kills the mood."

Damon said...

"I'm not the first married woman he's been with. If you want a piece of him, take a number."

Mike Mariano said...

"Surprise; you have dot-orrhea."

Damon, age 6 said...

*finishes*

"Oh. It's a guy."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's a 'Premature Pixelator'!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I just hope you're the 'House Dick' ... I need you right about now!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I just 'Blew him Off' ... If you know what I mean!"

JohnnyB said...

He has connections with the Department Of Transportation.

Kathy H said...

"When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
Dots amore!"

Dot Comma said...

Thank goodness you're back .
I thought you left without a trace!

Anonymous said...

"I need a few minutes to finish him off."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Draw your own conclusions."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"He thinks life begins at connection."

Jim Cavanaugh

NAMBY said...

"Oh, please, spare me that, 'Dot, how could you?' bull shit. We haven't had any type of meaningful connection in years -- have we, Drew?"

Steve_O said...

"If you unskew the numbers, I've got Karl Rove here with me."

boneguy said...

Is your schedule still full or can I pencil Frank in?

boneguy said...

He says every time he connects the dots he gets a Hummer.

Dex said...

"I can't erase what happened"

Anonymous said...

"What!? A woman can't have a hobby?"

Shelly said...

"Boy, I really did a number on him."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's a 'Koala Man' ... He eats bush and leaves!"

Satireguy said...

"Just a minute, John; as you can see, I'm not finished."

Anonymous said...

"How is this different from your fucking bananagrams?"

Dex said...

"He's Frank. Well, that's his pen name."

NJ-to-TX said...

"With you, it was over 1, 2, 3."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's a 'Figment of my Invagination'!"

Anonymous said...

"What's .49 Up, five letters, ending in 's'?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I call it 'Numerology Sex' ... LXVIIII was awesome!" ... Or was it IXXXC?"

Steve_O said...

"So? Duk you!"

Anonymous said...

“I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis.” ---Jack Twist

Anonymous said...

"Relax. It's Carol's Etch A Sex and she wants the fucker back in an hour."

Dr Sumguy said...

"After Viagra his 'Number Came Up'!"

Anonymous said...

Hi, honey . . . would you mind filling in for me?"


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Dot to dot/belly to belly/don’t give a damn/done it already . . .”

---Harry Belafonte

Steve_O said...

"So you finally connect the...what's that phrase? It means put the clues together? Anyway, you figured it out."

Dr Sumguy said...

1 4 the $, 2 4 the 9's, 10 big 1's ... Hey ... He's Janet Evanovich in drag!

Anonymous said...

"Sure it's retro . . . but dot matrix still works for me."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"He's from Connecticut. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"And stop calling me 'Dot'! ... Based on the shedding of my uterine lining I've changed it to ... 'Period'!"

smuck said...

"I'm cheating on you."

Dr Sumguy said...

"His name is 'Dow Jones' and I will say he's about average!"

boneguy said...

There weren't any day laborers left at Home Depot so I got one at Toys 'R Us.

Anonymous said...

"I found someone to fill in for you."

Jim Cavanaugh

JohnnyB said...

al in la, meet 1 in 90 04 5

cubshlub said...

He says I complete him

smuck said...

"He's a puzzle, wrapped in a mystery, inside my enigma."

Don Jr. said...

"He seemed to connect to the vibrator I bought."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Meet Max Klein ... My 'Paint by Numbers' lover!"

Anonymous said...

"I complete him."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

“Well, you ‘promised that you’d be right there with me when I paint my masterpiece’.”


---left coast wayne

NJ-to-TX said...

"I can't be with you, Roger. I can only be with a man I can form any number of ways, to my own liking. He's number one in my heart."

Anonymous said...

"Don't you dare stand there in judgment. After all, al in la doesn't."



---blw

JohnnyB said...

I thought you said this guy was connected.

Damon said...

"How are you just figuring this out? We've been in bed for a fucking month."

Anonymous said...

"Oh, it's you, al . . . your extended absence allowed me to draw the wrong conclusion . . . well, I'm almost done here."


---blw

Fort Dix said...

I was gonna rock your world, but I forgot my Dixon-Ticonderoga.

Steve_O said...

"Well, what did you expect, Al? I had no idea if you were ever coming back!"

Anonymous said...

"Jesus Christ, al . . . you've been standing in that doorway for six weeks. Do something, say something . . . I can't take you just standing there!"


---blw

Anonymous said...

"I can't believe it . . . our scene in bed gets trumped by one with a tiny car . . . At least we were having sex which is intrinsically of more prurient interest!"


---first come, (not) first served

Anonymous said...

"Just like Al and Frankie Valley, I'm workin' my way back to you babe. And the happiness that died."

Anonymous said...

Valley? I must have meant Rudy Valley.

Cordelia said...

"In case you are wondering, my enthusiasm has not dimmed. But the appearing lack of it and long stretches between the satisfying climaxes of a contest well-judged has driven away most of the real anti-cappers like you."

Anonymous said...

"So, is this it, al? I'll never complete him now? Oh, the humanity . . ."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

bump

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.