WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"..." (I mean, seriously, how could they fuckin' talk?!!) --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The expletive, the italics, the bold face, the two exclamation points...okay Steve, we get it: You're frustrated, angry, confused and maybe a little hurt by this odd little cartoon. What can we make of two headless bugs strolling down a city street? What could they be saying to each other and how would they say it? Why should we care? The questions haunted Steve until he could no longer stand it. Both JohnnyB and blw did something similar but Steve knew how to sell it.)
SECOND PLACE
Twin children of Peyton Mantis working on their 14-step drops. -- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Note to Steve: Asinine cartoons merit obsurd caps. Archie Manning, a so-so NFL quarterback some years ago, sired two boys--Payton and Eli-- who grew up to become two of the best QB's in the league. There are traces of insight here and the word play doesn't suck but this caption is utterly ridiculous because no QB would drop back 14 steps.)
THIRD PLACE
"I'm thinking we should have taken her to dinner before our threesome."-- Grandma (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try but this is flawed. The female Praying Mantis does in fact bite off the male’s head, but it's business, not personal. She does it to assure the male’s movements become more vigorous as he delivers the goods. The sustenance is an added plus. Interestingly, the male engages the female with a courtship dance before she consents to sex. They don't do threeways, however, so the parallels to human behavior only go so far.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Headless Bugs Found Outside Tapas Bar ---Jess (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nod to the classic NY Post Headline: "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar." Sort of works here.)
** Traffic noise. Faint, gentle pitter-patter of tiny insect feet on pavement. Behind large panes of glass, nearly inaudible chatter of diners in fine Italian eating establishment. **And . . . scene. --
Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice set up. A fair amount of effort went into this one, but where's the payoff? Point of order: Insects don't have feet and the eatery looks Spanish not Italian.)
"I was ridin' my grasshopper in a dyslexic posse when someone yelled, 'Let's head them off'." --Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A real reach but it references a previous cartoon that had a cowboy on a grasshopper. It's said that when dyslexic crooks burst into a bank they shout: “Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuckup!”
It took a lot of genetic engineering, but string beans that deliver themselves to market finally arrived today!-- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: But they look like bugs! And they come two at a time? Let me know when scientests find a way to get half-way decent caps to deliver themselves here.)
"That's the last time I go out to get some Skittles while wearing a hoodie." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A few years back I was driving in Florida with a few folks including a women in her mid-80's. Traffic was slow. Two black teens were walking down the street--just walking. This promted the woman to say [closed window of course]: "Keep on walking...buddy, just keep on walking." That came to mind when the kid in Florida was killed recently. It's not the hoodie that did him in--you know that right?)
"I can see you haven't been getting any head either." --Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT:Terrible. Just awful. Pointless and illogical. What's somewhat ironic is that the insect's head is removed as the result of a sex act. That's why this is also confusing. But the sexual reference gives it enough cred to be here amoung the top also-rans.)
What say we hit a head shop next?-- boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Less confusing but equally simplistic. Where I live just outside of L.A. headshops call themsleves "tobacco shops and have a few cigars next to the pipes and bongs. Everyone's happy this way.)
Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your head was a clip on --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A deep and pitiful reach to come up with a classic but it beats J.B.'s other lame entry this week: "Which one of us is talking?" If only there was some other way for other people to tell Johhny his caps suck.Perhaps a web-based platform where people could "like" or "unlike" something. If only.)
"The Cucina Cucina here is a chain." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Hard to tell but this may be a nod to the classic: "The hours here are obsence." Six minutes after posting it smuck entered the seldom used: "Well, Obama did promise change." So the evidence points to this being the worst claissic ripoff we have ever had. Congrats.)
Even worse! She said I tasted like chicken! --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another reference to sexual canibalism [another great name for an alt-rock band, I say.] This assumes that a Preying Mantis would know what chicken tastes like. That's where it loses me. )
"No worries! We're Mets fans. We've survived plenty of doubleheader losses" --Mickey Mantis (JUDGE'S COMMENT: True, but they have the best opening day winning percentage of any team in MLB. This year they did it again. Welcome back old friends! )
Something something head. ---Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Lazy but completely understandable.)
Shit! Steve_O's right. They can't talk. So how do I fill the void in my life till next Monday?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So...he tapped this message out with his wings using morse code, I'm guessing. Fill the void by reading the 127* Anti-cap contests I have now judged . )
*Approximate number. Too
I'd say al judged us a little harshly this week. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's for your own good.)
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