Monday, February 27, 2012

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #324

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Of course I'll get the promotion; the boss knows I'm a climber." --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Bosses are more interested in sheep. This would win the real contest if the judges over there had any intellectual honesty. It wins here because Mrs. alinla laughed out loud when I read it to her. Good enough for me. )


SECOND PLACE
It's a blur really. I followed her to school one day. Next thing I know, I'm getting an MBA. And now...now I'm just another douche in a suit." --Where's Mary (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This will hit home for those wondering what ever happened to the little lamb that followed Mary to school that fateful day. Still, it's kind of a disconnect; like Cher's adorable little blond-haired girl growing up to become a heavy set unshaven man. Like this week's winner, this cap makes a comment on the parallels between farm animals and white collar workers. Noted.)

THIRD PLACE
"Well, Faust. The only souls left to take belong to insufferable cretins. I guess that means I win." --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not the first time David has entered some kind of smarty- pants cap that advances his cynicism and use of big words. "Faustian," describes those who surrender moral integrity to gain power and success: the proverbial "deal with the devil. As you ponder your future entries this may be something to think about David.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Really, I'm more embarrassed that I wore capris today." --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah, that's it: The only thing the guy with the horns sticking out of his head needs is longer pants. Remember what Mark Twain said: Humans are the only animals that blush, or need to.)

"My wife won't give me a blowjob unless there's mint jelly."-- Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Alot cheaper than dinner at Outback Steakhouse, that's all I have to say about that. )"I can't quit ewe."--Ennis (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An obvious pun mingled with a line from the film Brokeback Mountain. The actual line, of course, is "I wish I could quit you." And, yes, that's the way I feel about ewe-all.)


So after I told her, "Ewe, EWE, Ewe, Ewe, EWE!!!- I wanna talk about me.." that's when she said I was "mutton to her..." --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The shift from upper case to lower case adds nothing to this cap but the effort is appreciated.)

"Every time I want to have sex, the wife says she's on her period. I'm like, 'Damn, bitch! You gon' bleat to death!'" --Lamb Chop's Play-Along (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes the cut not because "bleat" sounds like "bleed," but because the man with horns sticking out of his head can't figure out why he doesn't get laid.)

"I think it was best said on 'New Morning' . . . 'if not for ewe' . . ."--bobby z (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Evokes some of the most flattering love-song-lyrics ever penned [Dylan or otherwise]: "I wouldn't have a clue if not for you...And you know it's true.")

The tragedy is that I'm a Niners fan. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The horns do recall the helmet of the Rams, an NFL team that left L.A. and was never heard from again.)

"Shofar, so good." --Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nimble word play with an ethnic slant. Nice one Dex.)

"No, Mr. Baaaaaaand, I expect you to diveaaaaaaast." --Rami Shenkar (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The only variation I could think of was: "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die of embarrassment." )

The hours here are ovine --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny submits a classic...Johnny gets props. That's just how it works. )

So then Bob says, "You shut up, Rahm, everyone knows your horns are strap ons." --JohnnyB
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: ...and Johnny reaches deeper and comes up with what may be the best classic cap we've seen in a long, long time.)


New York Is My Campus. Fordham Is My School."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This one hit home. Without clicking the link, I knew instantly that it was reference to the NYC's Fordham University. Their sport teams are called the Rams. When I was sports editor of my college newspaper, after a basketball blowout I wrote the headline: "Seahawks Pound Rams." This reminded me of that.)

I'm from LA, originally --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another reference to the NFL team that fled L.A. for St. Louis. Further proof that Johnny knows his shit.)

"Why does everybody keep calling you Beavis?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reminds us once again that there really was not much difference between Beavis and Butthead.)
It's still only Monday. al got fired. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Your point being...?)

81 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's still only Monday. al got fired.

Dex said...

"Shofar, so good."

Where's Mary said...

"It's a blur really. I followed her to school one day. Next thing I know, I'm getting an MBA. And now...now I'm just another douche in a suit."

Ennis said...

"I can't quit ewe."

boneguy said...

It's been hell getting laid. On the plus side, my balance has never been better.

Rami Shenkar said...

"No, Mr. Baaaaaaand, I expect you to diveaaaaaaast."

boneguy said...

The tragedy is that I'm a Niners fan.

Dr Sumguy said...

"I missed 2 payments on my Ram Charger"!

LR said...

"I feel like everyone is wearing me out, literally, either 100 percent or in a blend."

"Hi, I'm Leo- I'm an Aries who's got Cancer."

boneguy said...

It's been my lifelong dream to be a satyrist.

Dr Sumguy said...

"And then, there's the 'Mary had a little Lamb', paternity suit!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"The Viking hat is not so bad, but now I'm starting to grow braids!"

Glenn said...

"He acts like he's never seen anyone in culottes before."

Tim H said...

New York Is My Campus. Fordham Is My School."

Huge Hoofner said...

I've always been the goat
-to guy in the office but the headaches are awful!

Jean Rambeau said...

The boss asked me to laminate some stuff over martinis at lunch and i woke up like this! also my butt hurts!

Blonde said...

So after I told her, "Ewe, EWE, Ewe, Ewe, EWE!!!- I wanna talk about me.." that's when she said I was "mutton to her..."

Steve_O said...

"Well, what do you think happened? My dad fucked a goat."

boneguythank you much L. wrist portable in the distal shortness of said...

You try being an Hassidic Jew with these cloven hooves.

boneguy with Dragon turned off said...

You try being an Hassidic Jew with these cloven hooves.

Dr Sumguy said...

"I was watching Hellboy! ... Had a seizure! ... And I've been like this ever since!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"P.S. ... Masterbating with the Right Hand of Doom ... is ... eegh greauhooaaahhhh!!!

Damon said...

"My laptop doesn't have enough me."

Damon said...

"You'd think these assholes had never seen a pants skirt."

Damon said...

"You work for Trojan? That's nice. They turned my youngest daughter into a box of condoms."

Damon said...

"My wife won't give me a blowjob unless there's mint jelly."

boneguy said...

I've had it up to here with my boss. All we do is butt heads.

Kathy H said...

"I liked it better when our cheerleaders were called the Embraceable Ewes."

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"I'm horny. Ewe?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"My shorning stylist? ... George Shearing!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"And my favorite movie is ... 'Silence of the Ewe's, starring Meryl Sheep!"

Angus Podgorny said...

I'm suing the fire escape manufacturers for discrimination.

Angus Podgorny said...

They massacred the buffalo kitty-corner from the bank. I fear my kind might be next.

Anonymous said...

This page looks like shit now.

Tim H said...

"Do you know how hard it is to find proper uncloven hands in this town?"

Ram Emanuel said...

"Thank God they were only looking for a scapegoat."

Unfrozen Caveman Ramboy said...

"Your sidewalks and briefcases. They frighten me. Much like the Hungry Like a Wolf video from early mTV."

Anonymouse said...

"Boy, I'd give my left nut for a good pair of woolen socks. Make that, just socks."

Kathy H said...

"Dammit! The last time I stepped on a crack in the sidewalk, I got turned into a ram!"

Satireguy said...

"I got tired of kissing butt."

Satireguy said...

"Baa ram ewe, baa ram ewe, to your breed, your fleece, your clan be true."

Steve_O said...

"Really, I'm more embarrassed that I wore capris today."

boneguy said...

So my first thought was, "How hard could it be to be a publicist for the signs of the Zodiac?"

Kathy H said...

"Remember that card 'Hippo Birdie, Two Ewe...'? Well, I wrote that."

smuck said...

"My doctor recommended o-ram-a therapy to treat my dyslexia."

Anonymous said...

"Try writing 'head butt' if you're dyslexic."

Par Eve said...

"My wife's kosher, and I'm unorthodox."

JohnnyB said...

I'm from LA, originally

JohnnyB said...

The hours here are ovine

Anonymous said...

"Really? It shows when you're horny?"

Mutton Honey said...

"My wife said she's sick of the ram, bam, thank-you-ma'am. So I just came out and told her, 'I'm tired of fucking ewe!'"

Utellme said...

"Of course I'll get the promotion; the boss knows I'm a climber."

Lamb Chop's Play-Along said...

"Every time I want to have sex, the wife says she's on her period. I'm like, 'Damn, bitch! You gon' bleat to death!'"

Mutton Honey said...

"Leave it to me to marry the black sheep of the family."

"Your wife has a sordid past?"

"No, she's a Negro."

Anonymouse said...

"Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram scram
He kept buttin' that dam.

Yes, I had high hopes."

Anonymous said...

"I think it was best said on 'New Morning' . . . 'if not for ewe' . . ."


---bobby z

Anonymous said...

“Yes, it’s true I have the #2 pick in the upcoming draft . . . but I may trade it away for even better prospects . . . god, I wish we were still in LA.”


---Jeff Fisher

boneguy said...

I goddamn near slash my wrists every morning trimming my sideburns.

Dr Sumguy said...

"There's an old Montana saying. ... "Where men are men, and sheep are nervous"! ... That's why I came to New York!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"My back is killing me! I was never ment to be a bipedal walker! ... However I could use a walker, any walker ... Preferably a Johnnie Walker!"

Dex said...

"Tough day. Our economic forecaster wants to stare at my entrails."

Anonymous said...

"It's just so difficult to break into a bull or a bear market here on Wall Street . . . and these damned culottes!?!?!? You tell me?!?!?"


---left coast wayne

Dr Sumguy said...

"At least Im able to toot my own horn!"

Glenn said...

"How was I to know that public defecation was frowned upon?"

Anonymous said...

"I was better off when it was hinds, hinds and dad."

Anonymous said...

The New Yorker cartoonist's attempt at satyr.

David Macharelli said...

"I'd just like to know why, whenever there's some crisis, everyone wants to blame me?"

David Macharelli said...

"Well, Faust. The only souls left to take belong to insufferable cretins. I guess that means I win."

Lamb Chop's Play-Along said...

"So you like the mutton chops? The goatee just wasn't . . . me, somehow."

One Million Ewes BC said...

"I may not be so hot on Wall Street, but I'm a madman between the sheeps."

Pan(sy) said...

"It's from the Armani Pedal-Pusher line of suits for Spring. Did you know there are ruffled day-of-the-week boxer briefs available exclusively at Target? I'm wearing 'Wednesday'."

Anonymous said...

“It’s always bull market this and bear market that. I’m tired of it. How about a ‘ram market’ for a change??? Yeah, that’s right . . . and these culottes are just the ticket, my cloven foot in the door.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Silence of the lambs??? No more, bro! That’s right, you’re about to hear the roar of the rams!!! That’s what I’m sayin’ . . . get used to it, sucker!!! . . . Say, could I borrow your shoes? These cloven hooves on concrete are killin’ me.”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“It’s always the bears and the bulls around here. They may be stubborn as mules, but I’m tired of this horseshit. I thought I was the cat’s meow, but I’m just another little sheep who’s lost his way in this dog-eat-dog world. I’m really tired of being the goat. C’mon, people, throw me a bone . . .”


---blw

JohnnyB said...

So then Bob says, "You shut up, Rahm, everyone knows your horns are strap ons."

Anonymous said...

"Why does everybody keep calling you Beavis?"

Ken L said...

The reason you haven't seen me before is I usually work only Satyrdays.

Ken L2 said...

Management, shmanagement. My style is to butt heads and kick butts.

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