Monday, January 30, 2012

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #321














WINNERS


FIRST PLACE
"It's your turn to throw the baby into the chasm."-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Strange and even a bit crule, but look closer and there is deeper meaning. It may be one of those catchy condom slogans (you know, like "Wrap your rascal"). It may be a statement on contraception and the enduring popularity of recreational sex. There is a bizzaro-world quality to this that merits attention. That's my take anyway.)


SECOND PLACE"Is it Sinkhole de Mayo, already?" --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This could be interpreted as a racial slur, but it is more likely just a dumb pun entered by one of our second tier regulars. As every NYC to L.A. transplant knows, Cinco de Mayo is Mexican St. Partricks Day.) 


THIRD PLACEFucking flooring repo man. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cute and creative. Like under garments and dentistry, you can't return flooring. That's what this one is saying.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, we need a new cat." --A. Doug Person (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests their cat has been claimed by the paranormal phenomenon unfolding in their bedroom. Their solution is to get another cat. That's like putting black tape over the "check engine" light in your car, if you ask me.)

"Mind the gap"-- Tube U (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is an expression used in the U.K. to prevent subway-riders from plunging to a gruesome death. They say it almost always works.)


"Floor splitty, you crazy bastard. How are you?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The struggle to plug in a classic is tireless and often messy.)


"Our ash floor! Christ, what an ashhole!" --Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not to be a jerk about it but "ashhole" makes no sense [It's either one or the other-right?] Still, it kind of works.)

"Honey, if you're done with the bouts of explosive diarrhea, we can get the floor repaired." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if she is not yet done? In an apparent effort to gross us out, Glenn goes the bodily fluid route. He also offered an eariler cap suggesting the floor was somehow compromised by acid in the guy's man juice. This adds nothing to proceedings here if you ask me. Sttill, I assume Glenn is about 13 or 14 years old, so I want to encourage the youngsters.)

"Honey, allowing the radiant heat from Hell to warm the house was inspired, but how many times did you have to blow that little devil to make it happen?" --Grandmama (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So I guess "dancing with the devil" just won't cut it anymore. This is awful but maybe there is something here. Perhaps it is intended to remind us that fossil fuels come with a steep cost. Ironically, it will be a cold day in hell when we are weened from that tit.)

This land is your land, this land is mined land .. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really dumb and simplistic, even by Johnny's standards. But we so seldom get Woody Guthrie inspired caps here. The song referenced, of course, is the 1940 classic "This Land Is Your Land." True story: When it was played at a Republican Convention it was introduced as "This Land Is My Land." Tells you all you need to know.)

"Maybe we should stop spilling acid all over the floor." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is not a drab as it seems. It came 22 minutes after someone using the name "Lucy in the Sky w/Diamonds" got the ball rolling with the cap "Maybe we should stop dropping acid." This is kind of response cap.)

"Holy Shit! ... It's the Holecaust!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here too we received an update cap. This came 32 minutes after "Oh Shit! ... It's the Holecaust!" Apparently "Holy shit!" has more of an edge than "Oh shit!" And of course tragedy plus time equals a dumb pun. )

Mrs. alinla: "Al, isn't it time you got up and judged some of those stupid contests?"alinla [thinking]: "I just hope there's something that will keep me from getting out of this bed." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Poorly constructed and intellectually sloppy; a sad and pointless entry that is clearly the work of someone who is only slightly more capable than JohnnyB. [Ouch!] Maybe the technology has past Tim by but I could judge the cap contest while lying on bed, sitting in a Dunkin Dounnuts Starbucks or any where with wi-fi . Your cap also erroneously suggests that I spend time "thinking" about this stuff. As if.)

"Oh, man, what a nightmare I just had! I dreamed that alinla was giving out his recipe for chicken a la king.! Only, he called it chicken alla king! Thank God I'm awake now and everything is O.K. ...phew..."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here we go again: Did it ever occur to you that I came up with a special name for my special brand of "King?" Of that for every word I misspell, misuse or ruin completely, there are dozens used with precision and cunning. Funny thing: When I asked Mrs. alinla if she saw that I included my "King" recipe, she said she had not. [Too busy, apparently.] But Tim H clearly read all the comments including the very last one. I appreciate that even in the face of his petty sniping and gratuitous backbiting. What Tim lacks in such departments as wit, irony, topical humor and nimble word play, he makes up for with loyalty worth of a faithful dog [who would probably submit funnier caps.] Thanks for playing Tim. )

80 comments:

Lucy in the Sky w/Diamonds said...

"Maybe we should stop dropping acid."

smuck said...

"Maybe we should stop spilling acid all over the floor."

smuck said...

"It's your turn to throw the baby into the chasm."

toofpick said...

You know you might actually have a urinary tract injury.

myopic steve said...

"Fucking dry rot!"

Tim H said...

"Is it Sinkhole de Mayo, already?"

boneguy said...

I don't want to hear you bitching about not having central air ever again.

Evil Mark said...

Dammit, that kid made more of those #@*%ing chalk drawings again!

Kathy H said...

"You wanted a split-level, right? So what if it's more split than level?"

Glenn said...

"I know we need the money, but you can still be selective about your johns."

Ghost to the Post said...

"Wow, that was the best floorg-chasm I've ever had!"

Anonymous said...

"It's all your fault, Miriam."

Ghost to the Post said...

"Honey...I thought the super specifically told our neighbor below us that he could not install a skylight!"

Damon said...

"I work at FTD. I shouldn't have to come home to such a poor floor hole arrangement."

Damon said...

"I'm not going to sleep until one opens up and swallows that 2ft pubic hair you left on the floor."

Dr Sumguy said...

"What a relief! ... Last night I had a nightmare about a skankhole!"

boneguy said...

Fucking flooring repo man.

Dr Sumguy said...

"OMG! ... I forgot Buster's piddle pad!"

Satireguy said...

"Honey, I think you forgot to turn off the meteorite shower again."

A. Doug Person said...

"Honey, we need a new cat."

Glenn said...

"I told you my cum was really acidic."

Anonymous said...

"Relax, Juanita. All my other undocumented girlfriends fell through the cracks."

Anonymous said...

"Floor splitty, you crazy bastard. How are you?"

Dex said...

"Our ash floor! Christ, what an ashhole!"

Paul Arnold said...

Maybe now you will listen, Rabbit, when I speak truly and well.

boneguy said...

Tell my floor it had a one in a trillion chance of being hit by Skylab.

Anonymous said...

“Dammit, Honey, ever since your sentries allowed Room Service in last week, there’s been hell to pay.”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“Looks like the kids finally got in last night.”


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"Looks like we had a visit from the giant rat! ... ala contest #305!"

Utellme said...

"The earth moved."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Look honey! ... A floor of invagination!"

William said...

"Honey, get a quote for the floor while you're fucking your contractor 'friend' tomorrow. Thanks."

Kathy H said...

"Y'know, honey, yesterday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. But, I feel much better now."

Glenn said...

"Honey, if you're done with the bouts of explosive diarrhea, we can get the floor repaired."

Steve_O said...

"I said 'a sinkhole,' not 'your stink hole.' Why do you always assume the worst?"

Sam Antic said...

"Oh, Babe, what an amazing ore chasm."

Anonymous said...

"I said 'a sinkhole,' not 'your stink hole.' But now that you mention it..."

Steve_O said...

"Zzzzz..."

Glenn said...

"It will be just like Earth. Yeah, right. Damn Newt Gingrich."

David Macharelli said...

"And Mary was about to discover one of the many downsides of sleeping with a 3D chalk artist."

Myopic George said...

"Oh, Baby, just give me a second to put on my glasses. Daddy's liking you spread-eagle on the floor like that."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It looks like Mr. Chewy and Wag.com have parted ways!"

boneguy said...

Sure it looks a little rough. But I can sleep better knowing Jimmy Hoffa's not here.

Dr Sumguy said...

"So you had to use 'Chernobyl Flooring Liquidators'! ... Now what!"

Anonymous said...

"You still sayin' the earth would have to open up to swallow me before you will?"

Jim Cavanaugh

Dr Sumguy said...

"Did you know that this cartoonist, has Parkinson's disease?"

Blonde126 said...

And I thought all that feng shui stuff was just a load of bullshit!!

Satireguy said...

"I told you we shouldn't have built next to a coal mine."

Anonymous said...

"I don't think this is what Jeff Bridges had in mind when he made 'Door In the Floor'."


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"Oh Shit! ... It's the Holecaust!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Holy Shit! ... It's the Holecaust!"

Anonymous said...

"I always expect deep, dark, unexplored holes when I sleep with you, but this is ridiculous."


---left coast wayne

Tube U said...

"Mind the gap"

Anonymous said...

"Sleeping with you is always another night of spelunking . . . frankly, dear, I'm getting tired of it."


---blw

Anonymous said...

"If this bed isn't canyon size we're going to be in deep shit."

cubshlub said...

This is the last time we play Twister with Liza Minelli!

Tim H said...

Mrs. alinla: "Al, isn't it time you got up and judged some of those stupid contests?"
alinla [thinking]: "I just hope there's something that will keep me from getting out of this bed."

Lola Prieta said...

"You just had to have the 'California' King."

boneguy said...

You'll never guess what happens when you irradiate termites.

Damon said...

"You know why this happened? Because we have the same hair."

"That's stupid."

*grumbling* "Well, it didn't help."

Anonymous said...

"I'm horny."

Anonymous said...

"Just saw Moe, Larry and Curly."

JohnnyB said...

Oh, I guess I misheard you when you asked if I wanted to go in the bedroom for some 'fracking'

JohnnyB said...

While we were fracking, I think I felt the Earth move!

Anonymous said...

"I hate houseguests . . . I think Richter just stepped on the scale."


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"Well. ... It was advertised as a Bed & BreakaLeg!"

boneguy said...

"The city has saved millions since they replaced the police department with predator drones."

Anonymous said...

"I'm not saying it's your fault . . . but . . ."


---left coast wayne

Grandmama said...

"Honey, allowing the radiant heat from Hell to warm the house was inspired, but how many times did you have to blow that little devil to make it happen?"

Anonymous said...

"The rent is too damn high!"

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Journey to the Center of the Honeymoon . . . rife with metaphor . . . well, it's an adventure, by cracky."


---Jules Verne

Tim H said...

"Honey, did I do good when I told them that you can't fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time?"

JohnnyB said...

Don't worry Nancy, it's just the land mines that good ol' Heather Mills buried here when she divorced me. Go back to sleep.

JohnnyB said...

This land is your land, this land is mined land ..

JohnnyB said...

Unto your dreaming, when you're alone, unplug your TV, turn off your phone.

Tim H said...

"Oh, man, what a nightmare I just had! I dreamed that alinla was giving out his recipe for chicken a la king.! Only, he called it chicken alla king! Thank God I'm awake now and everything is O.K. ...phew..."

Glenn said...

"I think I heard someone say "Your mother sucks cocks in hell."

Ken L said...

No dear,when I said 6.2, I was referring to the Richter. Scale, not last night.

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