Monday, January 23, 2012

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #320





















WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"No matter what we say, it's gonna spoil the visual joke."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He's right you know. The image of an over-sized fancy dinner cart left outside the gate of a fortress offers irony and amusement. It needs no cumbersome words to muck it up. Remarkably this was the last cap submitted before I got around to reading them. I was going to pick it as the lone winner as a means of making a statement about its zen like simplicity, but I quickly realized that Anti-Cappers would interpret it as another manifestation of my laziness busy schedule. And besides I had already picked a bunch of other caps that didn't suck as much as the ones I didn't pick. And so it goes.)


SECOND PLACE"Beware of Greeks bearing brunch." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A sage observation. Something every mom should tell her daughter. )
THIRD PLACE"What's the rule on tipping in this situation . . . now or after we've been hopelessly deceived and slaughtered?"---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If they are going to kill you, I say stiff them. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS"I've seen this little charade before . . . the food's cold, the OJ is made from concentrate and there's no USA Today." ---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's also a half-hour late and, yes, the tip is included. A comment on overpriced hotel breakfasts. Even so, you still sound like a pampered little priss who gets annoyed if his latte isn't just so. )



"And THIS, my friend, is exactly why gays shouldn't serve in the military" --Value added copy cap (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As the signature suggests his was entered shortly after DADT gave us "And THIS, my friend, is exactly why gays should stay out of the military" The second one is better but they both suck--and not in a good way.They shouldn't serve in the military because they live in a country that doesn't respect them.)

“I hate shooting on location . . . anyway, you can bet that’s not for us. It’s for Ms. Swanson. She’s still big, it was the pictures that got small.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A strange and playful nod to 1950 classic flim Sunset Blvd. )
"You're gonna need a bigger commode." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A strange a somewhat gross nod to the 1975 thriller Jaws. This almost won but I don't want to encourage this type of shit.)
"Thank God! I had no idea what we were going to feed that damn horse." --Amigaaaa (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was posted twice. The author added the "no" 4 minutes after botching it the first time. No doubt there was an "Oh crap!!" moment. We like that kind of self loathing here. Still a crappy-cap.)"How do we know it's not full of consultants?" -- Weyant's actual caption to his similar cartoon in The New Yorker issue last July 4th. --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice catch. It is well trod concept and a fitting metaphor for short sightedness and greed. The fictional Trojan Horse was a huge wooden horse. Hidden inside were a few solders. The Greeks simply left it behind knowing the Trojans would pull it into their gated city as a victory trophy. The men inside later crept out and opened the gates for the rest of the Greek army, which had returned under cover of night. The Greeks entered and destroyed the city of Troy, decisively ending the war.)
The hors here are d'oeuvres.Fusilli, you crazy bastard, how hungry are you?I am haunted by the place settings of my victims. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Shut up Johnny, every one knows your entry is a put-on. )
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to dine. --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This works if we assume it is some type of super-sized James Bond.)
No no- You fool - I said "al in la" NOT " ala carte!!!" --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks for the nod, I guess.)
"Could someone tell the King his Chicken al in la King has arrived al a carte?" --Ghost to the Post (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A-okay. If you are reading this you are clearly a devoted anti-capper so I will share with you my time tested secret for outstanding Chicken Alla King: Saute onion strips and sliced mushrooms with a good dusting of fresh ground black pepper. High heat. Exhaust fan on. Swish around. Let it start to burn. De glaze with a splash of white wine. Lower the flame. Add a can of cream of mushroom soup, diced chicken, frozen peas and sliced carrots.Give it a good 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add a splash of half and half if you got it. Serve over toast [or rice] and everyone will think you are a genius. )

103 comments:

NAMBY said...

"This could be some kind of trick. They often include a 15% gratuity AND a service charge."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Last time, the sodomlaki tasted like shit!"

Brad said...

"Looks like that teapot is doin' a little tittyfucking."

Anonymous said...

"I've seen this little charade before . . . the food's cold, the OJ is made from concentrate and there's no USA Today."


---blw

Amigaaaa said...

"Thank God! I had idea what we were going to feed that damn horse."

Amigaaa said...

"Thank God! I had no idea what we were going to feed that damn horse."

Dr Sumguy said...

"The card says 'Something Fishy, Woodland Hills'!"

Utellme said...

"Fuck. Shit. Nigger. Fuck. Shit. Bitch. Cunt."

"You know, your Turret Syndrome is REAlly starting to bug me."

Utellme said...

"If you could open the gate as quickly as your wife opens her legs, I'd be shitting Eggs Benedict by now."

Utellme said...

"Whaddaya call it when you're jacked-off by a guy named Guido?"

"An Italian Job?"

JohnnyB said...

It was left by a couple of prostitutes from Troy.

Glenn said...

"The King thinks he's so great. I want to see his face when we give him that Trojan Magnum XXXXL."

Tim H said...

"Fool me twice, shame on me."

boneguy said...

Tell Gulliver his breakfast is here.

Blonde said...

Me thinkest something's amiss - I only ordered dinner for one-

Blonde said...

Me thinkest something's amiss - I only ordered dinner for one-

Rhinohorn said...

Tell fat ass his lunch is here

smuck said...

"Don't trust it. It's Trojan hors d'oeuvres."

Anonymouse said...

"Either it's extremely big or we're extremely small."

Kathy H said...

"The Teamsters say that we can even think of touching it."

Kathy H said...

"...we can't even think...."

Tim H said...

"I'm not that hungry. You?..."

Dr Sumguy said...

"The note reads! ... His Majesty's Fourth Armoured Scotch Guards(Hidden under the tablecloth), requests permission to use your loo. ... Feel free to use the tea service!"

Steve_O said...

"I still can't believe we were able to get room service out here!"

Ghost to the Post said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ghost to the Post said...

"Could someone tell the King his Chicken al in la King has arrived al a carte?"

Shelly said...

"Call and tell them it must be for Room 219 next door, and from the sounds last night, I'm guessing it's Bangers and Mash."

Ghost to the Post said...

"I can already tell the order is messed up, I see a USA Today on the table and I specifically ordered a Medieval Times"

Ghost to the Post said...

"I specifically requested a round table...you would think a hotel as fancy as this one would at least get that right!"

David Macharelli said...

"Un Cadeau!"

Satireguy said...

"I believe it's called a Trojan breakfast."

Anonymouse said...

"That reminds me, Punk'd is coming back."

JohnnyB said...

The hors here are d'oeuvres.

Fusilli, you crazy bastard, how hungry are you?

I am haunted by the place settings of my victims.

Blonde said...

No no- You fool - I said "al in la" NOT " ala carte!!!"

Blonde said...

One thing's certain Benedict: heads are gonna roll if there's not enough hollandaise sauce!

Anonymous said...

“I hate shooting on location . . . anyway, you can bet that’s not for us. It’s for Ms. Swanson. She’s still big, it was the pictures that got small.”


---blw

boneguy said...

"Would you not agree that things got totally fucked up after the French bought out the taco truck business?"

Satireguy said...

"Did anyone here order Meals on Wheels?"

Anonymous said...

“Damn that Agamemnon . . . if he’s going to cater this siege, would it kill him to deliver Italian for a change. I’m sick of Greek.”


---left coast wayne

Shelly said...

"Check out this poem: 'If you don't watch your portion size, it will always go to your thighs.'"

Shelly said...

"I took a chance and ordered the 'Baby Jane Hudson' special."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Who ordered the 'Horse-drawn Trolley'?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"A horse drew this cartoon!"

boneguy said...

To be safe, aim for the 50 foot maitre d'.

boneguy said...

Fire up a vat of boiling oil in case the home fries are undercooked.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Anorexic Helen (who has a yeast infection) ... Ordered it! ... A quarter pounder with cheese!"

boneguy said...

The hard part is figuring out which room to.charge it to.

Tim H said...

"Alls I'm saying is that an anagram for Christopher Weyant is Horniest Chewy Trap."

Anonymous said...

Where's the Trojan Whores?

Jim Cavanaugh

JohnnyB said...

Be careful - it was teapot dome that brought down Harding. And this one has TWO domes.

Kathy H said...

"Y'know, I'm getting pretty tired standing on these stilts."

Blonde said...

So- that's what a "supersized" meal looks like..

Sarge said...

"Mmm-mmmm, smells like Turkey!"

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, too quiet, but I'm fucking starving."

Anonymous said...

I hear they serve a killer breakfast.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"No, you crazy bastard, not Fusilli again! The horror. The horror."

Glenn said...

"And you thought they only had oversized cartoonish crap in offices."

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"The horseradish is to die for."

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm reading 'Homers Odyssey', and THAT, is the most fucked up horse I've ever seen!"

Anonymous said...

"Those dome covers remind me of Joanne."

Austin said...

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to dine.

Anonymous said...

C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi?
Un cadeau.
What?
A present.
Oh, un cadeau.
Oui, oui.
Hurry.
What?
Let's go.
Oh.
On y va.
Bon magne.
Over here...

Shelly said...

"Mr. Kidd, we must surely show our gratitude to Mr. Willard Whyte for gracing us with our own truly ample servings of Bombe Surprise."

JohnnyB said...

1st soldier: Are you suggesting that room service carts migrate?
2nd Soldier: Not at all. They could be carried.
1st soldier: What? A bird carrying a room service cart?
2nd Soldier: It could grip it by the handle!
1st soldier: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 50 pound room service cart.
2nd Soldier: Well, it could push or pull it - there ARE wheels. Anyway,it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell our master that lunch is here?
1st soldier: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
2nd Soldier: Please!
1st soldier: Am I right?

Mai Gyro said...

"I falafel about this."

Anonymous said...

"Hey nobody's around. Cup me again!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Me thinks trickery is afood!"

Blonde said...

Wow- when the wench offered to "supersizeth me" this wasn't what I expected ~

Anonymouse said...

"it took them longer than 30 minutes to deliver it, so it's free, right?"

Aristronomy said...

Never mind the pollux, that thing is on casters

Anonymous said...

"What's the rule on tipping in this situation . . . now or after we've been hopelessly deceived and slaughtered?"


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"My eyes are bigger than my stomach...and my brains."

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"If y'all take the knaves, I'll take the folks."

Veruca said...

"Da-aaaaad, I wanted a horse. You said you'd get me a horse."

Glenn said...

"You know what's in those? Katie Price's bazoongas!"

Tim H said...

"Man, these Knock-Knock jokes get weirder every day."

Kathy H said...

" I believe they call it René. René Descartes."

Anonymous said...

I guess they're putting the ala carte before the horse.

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

Of course it's listing. It's called the Carta Concordia.

Dr Sumguy said...

"That's the third abandoned GiantMart cart this week!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Looks like a Carta Magna!"

Anonymous said...

"We no longer fall for OR eat their horseshit."

Anonymous said...

"I'd be wary if I were you . . . they're snakes in the grass, those Greeks. And one's a proven asshole . . . oh, my bad, that was last week . . ."


---blw

cubshlub said...

Miss Minelli wants to know what happened to her gravy.

Dex said...

"Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich... That- that's about it."

DADT said...

"And THIS, my friend, is exactly why gays should stay out of the military"

Satireguy said...

"Who ordered room service?"

Value added copy cap said...

"And THIS, my friend, is exactly why gays shouldn't serve in the military"

Anonymouse said...

♪ ♫"Someone's knocking at the door,
somebody's ringing the bell,
someone's knocking at the door,
somebody's ringing the bell,
do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in."
♫ ♫

Anonymous said...

"We'll pay for this under the table."

Anonymouse said...

"How do we know it's not full of consultants?" -- Weyant's actual caption to his similar cartoon in The New Yorker issue last July 4th.

Utellme said...

"It's all subterfuge; that's how they got to John Linen."

Glenn said...

"You're gonna need a bigger commode."

Tim H said...

"I think The Amazing Race has just jumped the shark."

Satireguy said...

"Beware of Greeks bearing brunch."

Glenn said...

"I hope it 'asn't got much Spam in it."

Anonymous said...

"They can't be serious . . . the napkins are all wrong and daisies are SOOO last siege."


---left coast wayne

Damon said...

"No matter what we say, it's gonna spoil the visual joke."

"Agreed. Nazi babies dance on a bed of rose petals while kittens fart the alphabet."

"Um...wow."

Kathy H said...

"I don't want to cause waves, but this has botulism written all over it."

Ken L said...

Did you order the "Horse a la Trojan"?

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